Iowa surprise, Hiltasha Clintonov wins

[Zig the N.g]

In a huge surprise at the Iowa DNC caucuses, Hiltasha Clintonov wins.

Details:

  Surprise Candidate Hiltasha Clintonov Declared
  Winner Of Iowa Caucuses
  https://babylonbee.com/news/dark-horse-candidate-hiltasha-clintonov-declared-winner-of-iowa-caucuses

    ...
    In an unrelated development, all the other candidates have turned
    up dead.


In other news,

  Bloomberg Purchases First Supporter For $1.7 Billion
  https://babylonbee.com/news/bloomberg-purchases-first-supporter-for-17-billion

  Study: People Tend To Tune Out By The Fifth Threat To Our Democracy
  Per Day
  https://babylonbee.com/news/study-people-tend-to-tune-out-by-the-fifth-threat-to-our-democracy-per-day