Putin: "Big problem - Hillary knows!" - [PEACE] [COMEDY]

[Zenaan Harkness]

Well well well, an absolutely UNredacted Trump-Putin telephone
transcript.

In non Soviet Russia, phone transcribe you!

On problem below, subject line postulate with "If".


  What If Hillary Clinton Was Right...
  https://www.zerohedge.com/political/what-if-hillary-clinton-was-right
  https://www.libertynation.com/hillary-clinton-was-right-a-satire/

  The following is a transcript of what Russian President Vladimir
  Putin recently told President Donald Trump during a phone call.
  This transcript was provided by an anonymous Russian – possibly the
  same one from whom Rep. Adam Schiff tried to get compromising
  photos of Trump. Unlike Schiff, we have not doctored this
  transcript.

  Vladimir Putin:
  “Hello, Trump, this is Vladimir. Hah! Funny man. Vladimir Putin,
  president of Russia. Listen, we need to have serious talk. We had
  agreement. You tell me you cooperate if I help you win election in
  2016. What’s this make American great again sh*t? I thought that
  was joke. You start playing with the ball or I’m going to replace
  you next year with Tulsi Gabbard.

  “Yes, Donald, I know, but you are not helpful. Not like Obama. When
  I rigged his election against … what’s his name? That big, stupid
  Mormon? Romney, yes, Romney. When I helped Obama he promised to be
  flexible. Yes, he was very flexible – I got everything I wanted. He
  was, how you say, pushover. I hoped you would be like him, only
  more white, of course.

  “You make America strongest country in world, now. You increase
  energy production – that’s not good for me. You give aid to the
  sniveling Ukrainian dogs. You do nothing for Russia. No, that’s not
  funny, I tell you funny Soviet joke: What do you do with peasant
  who steal sack of potatoes? Send him to gulag for three winters.
  Hmm, perhaps it lose something in translation – in Russian, is very
  funny. Of course, as we used to say in KGB: In Soviet Russia, joke
  laughs at you.

  “So, listen carefully, Trump. You start helping me or Tulsi gets
  your job. Yes, she secret Russian asset but we have problem.
  Clinton knows. Yes, she knows – I read it on the News Fox and the
  Washington Examination. I don’t know how she knows. Probably those
  Ukrainian sh*ts told her – you know, the same ones who try to help
  her win election.

  “Clinton is stupid woman, though. She think I groom Tulsi to help
  you win next year. No, I groom her to take your place. Why? Because
  she better looking than you and also because I am, how you say,
  woke: I think it’s time to have woman Russian agent running
  America. I’ve had black Russian agent, orange Russian agent, and
  now it’s time for woman Russian agent.

  “Yes, it is very funny that everyone Russian agent except that
  crazy old communist, Bernie – and he’s the only one who wants to be
  Russian agent! That is right: Clinton also know that Jill Stein is
  Russian agent. Clinton think everyone Russian agent – it’s the only
  thing she has ever been right about. But she think I set up Gabbard
  for the third-party campaign to help you win. No, she is not smart.
  When you read as many of her emails as I do, that becomes clear.

  “What about this third party thing, anyway? You Americans have too
  many parties. You should have only one, like here in Russia. Your
  Democratic Party – that is funny name, by the way –  your
  Democratic Party may be fools, but they understand benefit of
  having only one party.

  “Yes, I have the dirt on all other candidates. By January, Gabbard
  will be ready to take nomination and then you get in the line or
  you lose, understand?

  “OK, Donald, you know what you have to do or it’s Tulsi time – like
  the famous American country song. OK, I must go now, I have Biden
  on the other line. He wants his son to be next head of Russian
  army.”


In non Soviet Russia, you have been, how we say?, line punched.