A new meaning to "Intertubz" (sub [snigger] head, The Internet of [ahem] 'Thangs')

[Razer]

A "smart condom" that "tracks thrust speed and velocity and lets you
share the data." 

"It's basically a Fitbit for your man bits..."

 The i.Con Smart Condom, which markets itself as the "world's first
smart condom," is actually a ring that fits over a boring, dumb condom
and claims to track the exercise of your man bits, as well as detect
chlamydia and syphilis.

The ring, first announced last July, is currently available for preorder
on British Condoms for £59.99 (about $74, AU$97) with an unknown release
date. But you can't actually put a ring on it yet -- the company says it
won't take your money until the product has a firm release.

In short, the i.Con ring promises to answer every burning question
you've ever had about your sex session. Don't worry, it will pair with
an app for all your data visualization needs.

According to the preorder page, the ring will answer questions such as:

    What's my thrust velocity?
    How fast are my thrusts?
    How many calories did that sesh just burn?
    How many times did I just have sex?
    What's the average skin temperature of my... eggplant?
    What's my girth?
    How many different positions did I just conquer?

Plus, it aims to answer that age-old question: How do I stack up at sex
to everyone else around the world? Because sure, let's gamify sex. What
could go wrong?

The ring, which will come with a one-year warranty, will have a
Micro-USB charging port to provide six to eight hours of "live" usage
(not clear if this means thrust usage or something else). It will work
with a combination of "nano-chip and sensors," and pair with your device
via Bluetooth. (I thought it would charge kinetically, but maybe that's
just a pipe dream.)

With zero pictures of the self-styled "future of wearable technology in
the bedroom" on the site, it's hard to say just how all this technology
will fit into a tiny ring. The company did not immediately respond to a
request for comment. British Condoms does say the i.Con will be
available in one size with a "band adjustment feature."

Worried about privacy, the data kind? British Condoms says "all data
will be kept anonymous, but users will have the option to share their
recent data with friends, or, indeed the world."

Forget dick pics. Now we have to worry about dick status updates.

https://www.cnet.com/news/icon-smart-condom-ring/