[OT] Re: Fwd: <nettime> living under algorithmic governance

[Cecilia Tanaka]

[OT, OT, OT]  Answer very, very, very OFF TOPIC about Facebook, but it's
part of a discussion that I already had with Mirimir and some friends here
before.

On Sep 9, 2016 10:27 PM, "Mirimir" <mirimir at riseup.net> wrote:
>
> Anyway, Facebook is not our friend. They're just monetizing love.

I have an old account on Facebook that I used to keep only to read private
invitations on groups of Hackerspaces, Law and  - hahaha!!! -  Internet
Privacy, all owned and managed for friends.  I am not using it anymore, but
I simply do not have courage enough to delete it forever.  Tried before and
gave up because of old sweet memories, very important for me.

There are two dead friends among my contacts.  One of them was so special
for me that you never will understand, my dear.  He was one of the fnords
of my life.  He was one of the best hackers that I've knowed and had a huge
heart, bigger than the whole world.  And he was fucking intelligent,
brilliant, wow!  I was always asking to that son of a bitch donate me some
of his neurons, because he never would miss them and I needed much more
than my two neurons, Ceci and Lia, to study more and more and more subjects
and, maybe after some decades, become someone like him...

If I delete that fucking stupid FB account, I will lose for complete the
access to his private profile and his amazing posts, funny pics, his crazy
stories, private conversations, everything, part of his life that still
exists online...  I will lose him twice and I know I won't manage well this
pain.  It still hurts so, so bad after years...

I know it's stupid, but, sometimes, I like to pretend he is still alive,
laughing, telling the most creative stories or the craziest conspiracy
theories, the best jokes, explaining me something completely useless,
stupid and silly, but in a so interesting way that I always would think
"Wow!  God, how could I survive without knowing it until today?"...

I never deleted my dead stupid Orkut account for the same reason, but
because of another dead friend.  He was my best friend for almost 15 years
of my life.  Years of friendship and he decided to kill himself without
saying anything.  No good bye, no I love you.  I just received a very
expensive Edith Piaf's collection few days after his death.  No words to
say 'adieu', only music.  He had lost my favorite Edith Piaf's CD years ago
and before the suicide, he remembered it.

I was beta tester for some Google products that I simply don't use anymore,
but still contain sweet memories.  This Gmail account is really, really
old.  I still remember when received the invite to have it...

Well, more than slave of Facebook and Google, I am slave of my own
memories, of my past.  I already lost so many dear friends, teachers,
heroes and loves and my heart never heals for complete.  I always feel it
completely destroyed after every loss.  I die when someone that I love dies.

It was fucking strange, but when I tried the suicide, I destroyed lots of
important data and things, including notebooks and devices able of being
used against friends and activists, but, in the end, had no courage enough
to delete that stupid FB account forever.  I imagined that some friends
would like to see my old pics smiling on Facebook after my death...

So, probably, I will never be a really good cypherpunk.  And also a good
anarchist, because, in several senses, I am a slave.  Maybe of companies,
maybe of my own past, but not so free and independent as I should be.

-----
"La vita non è un problema da risolvere, ma un mistero da vivere."
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