"F*ck the South"

[Tyler Durden]

A hilarious rant. You can hear this guy's anger ain't just for show, too--> 
www.fuckthesouth.com

-TD

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to 
leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of 
our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are 
states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? 
How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic 
America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you 
keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they 
meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault 
weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first 
half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt 
sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. 
Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the 
fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and 
fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves 
and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those 
fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And 
it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together 
and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, 
so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately 
"Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? 
What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. 
Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I 
wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, 
bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to 
you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority 
electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time 
Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, 
but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, 
its a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "Its your money, not the government's money" is 
gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal 
fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. Thats 
right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that 
receive the least and pay the most? Its too easy, asshole, theyre blue 
states. Its not your money, assholes, its fucking our money. What was that 
Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this 
for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Lets talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern 
values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you 
fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you 
think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can 
you guess? Its fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay 
marriage universe. Yes, thats right, the state you love to tie around the 
neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in 
the fucking nation. Think thats just some aberration? How about this: 9 of 
the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are 
in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest 
divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass 
we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt 
is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? 
Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. 
Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? 
Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. 
Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and 
then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable 
formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as 
you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you 
self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of 
the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal 
Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up 
here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, 
federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, 
hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck 
off.