Mr. Blue Goes Deaf When He Sees Red

Fri Nov 12 19:16:19 PST 2004

Mostly because I sent his "Declaration of Expulsion" here...

It's entirely possible that, absent a physical threat to keep the country
together, we have all the necessary ingredients to go the way of the Soviet
Union someday, and devolve.

Cheers,
RAH
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<http://www.humaneventsonline.com/article.php?print=yes&id=5750>

HUMAN EVENTS ONLINE: The National Conservative Weekly Since 1944

by Mike Thompson
Posted Nov 12, 2004

 Twenty-four hours after the dramatic U.S. presidential-election results
were validated, Human Events Online published my essay (which I had been
hatching for two weeks), "Declaration of Expulsion," a slightly satiric
proposal to kick out of the Union the 12 most liberal states, either to
join the People's Socialist Dominion of Canada or, on their own, go
straight to Hell.

 Within hours (and I do not claim that my piece was a causal effect),
liberal voices formed into an enthusiastic chorus for roughly the same
idea: Democrat gurus Lawrence O'Donnell and Robert Beckel, as angry talking
heads on two separate TV news shows, taunted the newly solid-Republican
South (all states of which actually are overfed "welfare clients" of the
affluent, heavily taxed North, huffed O'Donnell) to secede, for the second
time since 1860; The reliably opportunistic Internet erupted with "I
Seceded" T-shirts for sale, plus the mocking map of a 31-Red-state nation
called "Jesusland," and An e-mail rapidly circulating among liberals touted
creation of the country of "American Coastopia," whose upscale Atlantic-
and Pacific-rim inhabitants joyfully would (what else?) fly over Fly-Over
Country to get away from "rednecks in Oklahoma and homophobic
knuckle-draggers in Wyoming."

 Then came confirmation of the growing fascination for dividing what once
was "one nation indivisible," when Manhattan-based liberal talk-show host
Alan Colmes invited me to be a guest for 15 minutes on his late-night radio
program.

 My on-air "15 minutes of fame" would mushroom into 45 minutes of
defamation: "Why are you so intolerant of liberals?" asked Herr Colmes, who
apparently had forgotten that he was supposed to ask me when I had stopped
beating my wife. I explained to him factually that more liberals than
conservatives publicly are advocating dissolution of the Union, and that
the issue, in either event, is not intolerance but rather
insolubility--that is, there is no middle ground, no compromise possible on
most CultureWar issues.

 "That's exactly what intolerance is!" asserted the intolerant talkmeister.

 "Listen carefully, Alan," I urged. "If you want Congress to pass a
10-dollar minimum wage and I want an eight-dollar cap, it's possible for us
to compromise at nine dollars. But how do we compromise on abortion? Shall
we kill only half as many babies? How do we compromise on gay marriage?
Shall we allow a lesbian to marry a lesbian but forbid a man to marry a
man? There are too many of these insoluble differences between the Red
states and the Blue states."

 "I can't believe how intolerant you are!" screamed Alan.

 Soon a self-identified lesbian called in breathlessly to confess "intense
fear of intolerant Red states." (Why, I thought, was she phoning a radio
show in the middle of the night instead of her local 911 operator?) The
perceptive host again verbally pounced on me, his guest, who safely lives
in the brimstone warmth of Red Florida: "Do you think, Mr. Thompson, that
this woman is evil or immoral?"

 "Alan, I have no idea who the woman is," I answered. "I have just met her
anonymously over the phone. All I know is that she has made a bad choice of
lifestyle, because lesbians have a documented higher rate of alcoholism, a
higher rate of mental problems and a higher rate of suicide than
heterosexual women."

 Alan, who apparently is aurally challenged, now was in the full-boost
stage of liberal ballistics: "What do you mean, this woman RAPES other
women? You are filled with hate! How DARE you say such a thing!"

 "Rape?" I asked, flabbergasted. "I said RATE--as in 'suicide rate.'
RATE--as in 'alcoholism rate'! Please listen to me, Alan. Is your phone
bad?"

 With no apology to his mystified guest, Alan disconnected the lesbian's
call and radically changed the subject: "Do you think John Kerry is a
traitor?"

 "Yes, Alan. One who commits treason," I observed coolly, "by definition is
a traitor. Kerry went to Paris and consulted with our Communist Vietnam
enemies, not with U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. Subsequently,
Kerry publicly endorsed the outrageous Communist 'peace plan,' not his own
country's plan.

 "In uniform, Kerry during the war and under oath before the U.S. Senate
also accused his fellow American soldiers of indiscriminately raping and
killing Vietnamese civilians and destroying their villages just for the fun
of it--false charges that were welcomed and used by the Communist nation's
cruel jailers for years to torture American prisoners. Therefore, Mr. Kerry
is a double traitor."

 Unguided-missile Colmes finally reached the smoking-burnout stage, spewing
invectives and ridicule at me as fast as his facile, bifurcated tongue
could wag.

 "How can you just sit there and libel a statesman like John Kerry?" he
sputtered.

 "How dare you sit in judgment of a great American patriot!"

 My answer: "Apparently you have forgotten, Alan, but you asked me to 'sit
in judgment' of John Kerry--you asked me if I thought he was a traitor. I
didn't bring up the subject." Pausing, I asked, "By the way, can you tell
your audience how the Constitution defines a traitor? Go ahead. Surely you
must know."

 Retorted Prof. Colmes testily: "I'm not going to play your little quiz game!"

 "It's not a game, Alan," I said. "Are you ignorant and don't know the
answer, or are you afraid to speak the truth? The Constitution defines a
traitor as someone who in time of war adheres to our enemy and gives the
enemy 'aid and comfort'--those are the exact words. Listen, Alan, listen."

 His response was a curt good-bye before going to the final break of the
hour to promote rupture-easers and get-rich-quick books from unknown
con-artists.

 When I submitted "Declaration of Expulsion," I felt a bit like Jonathan
Swift must have when he wrote "A Modest Proposal," a tongue-in-dark-cheek
suggestion that the "excess" babies born to Irish Catholics should be eaten
by Englishmen as a cheap source of meat. After my 45-minute broadcast
encounter with a typical American liberal, however, I believe that
expulsion of the most egregiously leftwing states is anything but a slight
"joke'; it is, in fact, clearly the serious and necessary path for rescue
and revival of the United States of America.

 I am also sure that God will be understanding when the U.S.A., a reborn
nation with revised borders, reaffirms the entire First Amendment and does
not change its name at this time, even if well intended, to Jesusland.

-- 
-----------------
R. A. Hettinga <mailto: rah at ibuc.com>
The Internet Bearer Underwriting Corporation <http://www.ibuc.com/>
44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
"... however it may deserve respect for its usefulness and antiquity,
[predicting the end of the world] has not been found agreeable to
experience." -- Edward Gibbon, 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'