Whatcha Gonna Do?

[R.A. Hettinga]

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John Ross' "Unintended Consequences" is a classic of the, um, gun culture,
:-) and a great read.

I have no idea who Mr. Hendrix is.

Cheers,
RAH
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<http://www.john-ross.net/guest_rant.htm>



ROSS IN RANGE

Guest rant

A Post-Election Rant I Wish I'd Written, or
A Ross In Range EXTRA From Michael Hendrix
By John Ross (Introduction only) and Michael Hendrix (Body of Column)


Copyright 2004 by John Ross and Michel Hendrix.  Electronic reproduction of
this article freely permitted provided it is reproduced in its entirety
with attribution given.

         Every once in a while someone writes something that makes me
think, "Hey, I was about to do a piece like that, except I was doing
something else.  And he did it better than I would have, anyway."  Given my
last column about my cousin Jane Smiley, what follows is especially
germane.  Mike Hendrix's website is http://coldfury.com.  It takes a while
to find the page that tells you who's doing the writing, but it's there.
Mike, if you ever visit St. Louis, the ammo and the avgas are on me.--JR

Whatcha Gonna Do?

        Okay, is anybody but me sick yet of the Left's floundering and
flailing about, trying to find any way they possibly can to blame somebody
else for their failure to espouse a message remotely palatable to the
majority of eligible American voters? Is anybody but me wishing right about
now that somebody would clong them upside the head with a shovel and say,
"Look, morons, here's the dealB
."?

        Well, let's try this, then. Let's stipulate for the sake of
argument that everything the Left claims to fear about the Bush admin and
mainstream red-state America is true.

        Yep, that's right, you commie bastiches, we're coming for you. It's
only a matter of time now until you hear that late-night knock on the door
you've been dreading all along. Our jack-booted gendarmerie is going to be
working overtime rounding up every non-white and non-rich subject of our
fascist regime, and we're going to be baking every last one of you into
pies that we'll then refuse to share with the poor and hungry. We'll be
baking those pies in coal-fired ovens, and those ovens will be devoid of
any sort of exhaust-scrubber whatever, because we want to release all the
toxic gases and chemicals we can into the atmosphere.

        We'll be spiking the rivers with DDT, alar, thalidomide, and
whatever other chemical bugaboos we can think of so as to pollute the
drinking water, too. We'll cram the landfills (which will be more numerous
than ever) with deadly silicone breast implants, and we're going to wipe
our asses with copies of the Kyoto Treaty, after which we'll staple the
soiled pages to your foreheads. Halliburton will be sending you the bill
for that, too; we'll call it "cosmetic surgery" and charge a rate tied to
the market price for the harvested, tanned, and cured pelts of starving
homeless Americans, whose numbers will be rocketing even higher than those
for the aforementioned landfills, which is where said homeless will be
forced to live while we hunt them down for sport.

        We're going to subjugate the entire world through violence and
capitalist exploitation. We'll be sending our duped, mindless killerbot
soldiers to the remotest corners of the Earth to deny freedom to every
little brown person currently enjoying an idyllic, bucolic existence in
harmony with unspoiled nature, every racial, religious, and cultural
minority who has thus far lived relatively free of the sting of our
rapacious lash. We're all going to get rich from it, and we're going to
make the poor noble Bob Cratchets and Tiny Tims of the world pay for our
sumptuous lives of piggish, rankly self-indulgent consumerism, and then
we're going to kill them when we've bled them completely dry.

        Yep, it's all true, every bit of it; the New Gulags, which we
Nazified Tolkien geeks like to refer to as Barad Ashcroft, or just
Shrubthanc, have been under construction since early 2001 and are almost
ready to open for business. The ultra-right-wing corporate media
establishment has known all along, and have been helping us cover it all
up, and now it's too late; there's nothing you can do to stop us. You all
are going to be fed into the ovens by the millions, and we're going to
destroy the environment and nuke the Third World, and it's all going to be
done because Jesus told us to, and that's the only reason we're ever going
to need. Because hey, we're stupid.

        Michael Moore? Dead soon, at our hands, as punishment for daring to
dissent. Karen Finley? Ditto. Hillary Clinton? She'll be crawling around
our (segregated) private club on all fours in a Playboy Bunny costume,
forced to beg for the privilege of bringing us drinks, dropping grapes into
our mouths, and mopping the floors with her hair-just to remind any of you
other strong, uppity women who might get ideas about overturning the
established patriarchal order who's really in charge here. Other younger,
more attractive women will be forced into sexual slavery, and abortion will
absolutely not be an option for dealing with the inevitable unwanted
pregnancies that will result. Rusty coathangers will be available at the
door, although using them will be punishable by electrocution-electricity
provided by the nuke plants that will be on every corner and completely
unregulated and unsafe. But it's just as well that they are our slaves,
because there ain't gonna be no welfare to help them out, and they're not
going to be allowed to work at anything other than pleasing their
oppressors.

        We'll be burning the UN HQ in New York down, of course, and we'll
be locking all the delegates inside the building before we set it alight.
Then we'll be invading France, just to teach 'em a lesson about how we
Texas cowboys do bidness. The world's oil, of course, is ours, and we'll be
boiling tons of it and pouring it over the heads of those who refuse to
acknowledge our Xtian God. There'll be no stem cell research, there'll be
no health care at all for the poor (whose numbers we will be increasing by
every means we can think of), and if you dare to complain about life in the
New Conservative Amerikkka, we're going to kill you for it.

        All of that: so stipulated. Now, the question for you moonbat Lefty
baglappers: What the hell are you going to do about it?

        I mean, seriously; if you truly believe that all this is now in the
process of happening right before your very eyes, doesn't it become
incumbent upon you, as the most basic imaginable of moral obligations, to
do something to prevent it, or overturn it? I mean, obviously, you tried
peaceful means of stopping us, but that didn't work-because us
right-wingnuts rigged the election and disenfranchised everybody. And you
can't go to the courts because they're in the Bushitler's pocket too, all
the way up to the Supreme Court, which you've been saying for four years
now illegally handed him the White House after the tainted 2000 "election."
So your last legal, nonviolent means of resistance has been taken away from
you, and you can't even count on the media to publicize the reality of
what's going on because of their right-wing slant, their fondness for the
status quo, and of course the fact that they're really nothing but
money-grubbing corporations themselves whose only concern is the bottom
line.

        So what's left, Lefties? Where do you go from here? What are you
gonna do about it?

        I'll tell you what you're going to do about it: you're not going to
do one damned thing but continue with your whining, that's what, and it's
not because deep down you're all cowards either. It's because deep down,
you know you're full of shit. You don't even believe half the stuff you're
currently crying about yourselves.

        Because if you did, you wouldn't be talking about it. You wouldn't
be writing whiny letters to the editor; you wouldn't be fearfully mincing
down to the Canadian Consulate to half-seriously inquire about moving; you
wouldn't be sitting in coffee houses denouncing the moronic inhabitants of
Jesusland with your fellow smug, self-satisfied pseudo-hip doofuses. You'd
be gearing up and arming yourselves for the fight of your lives. And much
to your surprise, you'd have a lot of us over here on the right offering to
help load mags.

        And that's why you're going to keep right on losing elections. If
even one third of what you say was true, you'd have Americans of every
political stripe rushing to your side to man the barricades. But it isn't
anything like true, and we all know it, and we've all known it ever since
you tried to claim that proposed reductions in the annual rate of increase
of various federal budget items during the Reagan years were actually
heartless "slashing" of the budget by people who wanted poor people to die.
We've known it ever since you railed during the Clinton years about how the
welfare reform forced on him by the evil Gingrich Repubs amounted to
cultural and economic genocide, and then watched as hordes of welfare
cheats-who you always claimed didn't exist-were quietly expunged from the
rolls and went back to work.

        In other words, you're all hype and no hump. Your party has become
the Chicken Little Party, weeping and wailing about disaster, catastrophe,
and The End Of The World As We Know It every time a new idea for running
the government gets put forth by someone who isn't a card-carrying liberal.

        And the proof is in the pudding. Your delirious ideas don't even
inspire your like-minded cohorts-those who really do believe the sky is
falling-to get out and fight to save their very lives; you certainly aren't
going to inspire a majority of Americans to rally to your banner if you
can't even get your own true believers off their asses and into the
streets. That's the problem with what you people used to like to call
"false consciousness," which is exactly what you're now reduced to
peddling. Your hysteria is based on plain and simple untruths, and nobody
is willing to go out there and risk injury or death for something they know
in their hearts is a lie. There ain't gonna be any Revolution, televised or
otherwise, because too many of us know that none is really called for, and
the more you try to promote an addle-pated apocalyptic vision of a
theocratic MegaMurrika the more the rest of us just sit back and wonder
what the hell you're talking about, as we watch life gradually improve for
more and more of us despite your doomsaying.

        Afghanis just voted, in the first real free election they've ever
had; they didn't vote in any Lefty flamethrower, and they didn't vote in
any Islamist terrorist either. And this occurred only a couple of years
after we all watched you people wax apoplectic about the coming disastrous
"quagmire." Well, if that's a quagmire, most of us figure the world could
do with a few more of 'em. It didn't come cheap, and it didn't come easy,
but it came anyway, and no thanks to any of you, either.

        And the same thing is going to happen in Iraq soon; the ordinary
people you claim to be concerned about will see how their lives have
improved since Saddam's removal, and, despite all your supposed "concern"
for their welfare, they're also going to remember who it was who bitched
and whined about the only recent President who was willing to lift a finger
and take a political risk to help make it so.

        And you smarmily call yourselves the "reality-based community."
What a laugh that is.

        And that's what it all comes down to, really. Those of us who do
have some adult grasp of reality are sitting back and laughing at you and
your dipsomaniacal ravings. You don't inspire trust and confidence in your
ability to run the world's only remaining superpower, because you can't
resist the adolescent urge to hyperbolize every last little thing. Just as
a small example, look at your pals in the liberal MSM [mainstream
media--JR]. There are no mere "problems"; instead, we're deluged with one
"crisis" after another in their newspapers and on TV. You're like little
kids whose experience of the world is so limited as to define the
boundaries of your intellect far too narrowly to ever be trusted with the
responsibility of governing a nation.

        Grow up, Chicken Little. Lead, follow, or get out of the friggin'
way. Or, at the very least, you can stop trying to get the rest of us to
guzzle a bunch of Kool-Aid that you can't even swallow yourselves.


Michael Hendrix 11/12/04


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R. A. Hettinga <mailto: rah at ibuc.com>
The Internet Bearer Underwriting Corporation <http://www.ibuc.com/>
44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
"... however it may deserve respect for its usefulness and antiquity,
[predicting the end of the world] has not been found agreeable to
experience." -- Edward Gibbon, 'Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire'

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