hello

[Ken Brown]

Monty2hotty at aol.com wrote:
> 
> how do i talk to fbi agents? i know everything. jfk, martin luther king,
> landing o nthe moon..... all of them.

I'm sure there are millions of ways to talk to FBI agents.  

Walk up, look them in the eye, smile pleasantly but not too
affectionately, hold out your hand & say "hello". 

Choice of language shouldn't be a problem - English is probably best,
but Spanish works well & I'm sure they can handle a whole bunch of other
languages as well.  They even employ interpreters.

Of course getting to meet the agent in the first place might be harder.

You could look up their nearest office in the phone book, call them up
and say "I want to talk to an FBI agent". It might work.  Stranger
things have happened. 

If you were really keen you could drive round, walk in the door and ask
to see an agent. That way they couldn't just hang up the phone on you
when they found out you wanted to tell them that Elvis is living with
Indira Ghandi in an old B17 on the dark side of the moon. If they bodily
threw you out you could sue them.

In my limited understanding of the US system (I am neither a lawyer, nor
resident on your continent) I think you can get to meet FBI agents if
you are arrested for a federal crime.  The more serious the crime, the
longer the meeting. If you did something really nasty, such as saying,
for purposes of illustration of a political point, that certain
government officials needed to be killed, and making barely credible
suggestions as to how that might be brought about, then you could end up
talking to a great many FBI agents,  for many years, at the taxpayer's
expense.

If that's a bit extreme for you, you could always just hang around in a
bar near their office, maybe play some pool, talk about football, get
chatting over a few beers. It works with everybody else, I don't see why
the FBI should be any different. Except for the Mormons of course.  

Hey, that's another idea, you could become a Mormon, go to Utah, find
out which temple (do they call them temples?) the local FBI types go to
and meet them there.  Maybe you could even marry one of them - I'm told
that Mormons go in for that sort of thing & I'm sure there are some fine
young agents of the appropriate gender for you. Then you could talk to
an agent every day in the privacy of your mutual home.

Then you could write a book about it called something like "talking to
FBI agents for fun and profit". Who knows, it might sell. After all
"Round Ireland with a Fridge" sold well & that is an even sillier idea.

Or of course you could send dumb questions to mailing lists about
something else entirely. Well, not completely dumb of course because
there are FBI agents who read this list, so in a sense you are *already*
talking to an FBI agent just by posting here. Isn't that cool?


Ken