The Chong-ster

[George at Orwellian.Org]

http://www.writtenbyme.com/content/49232
#    
#    Legalization of Marijuana 'High Priority' of Tommy Chong's 
#    Presidential Bid in 2004
#    
#    by  wyoming farnsworth,  7th June 2001.
#    
#    Under Chong's vision, the Benevolent United Radical Party (BURP) 
#    has adopted a political agenda that's considered 'extreme' even 
#    by political extremists. At present, BURP has publicly committed, 
#    through printing of its party agenda, to:
#    
#        Disband the United States of America in favor of 
#        "a less-is-more kinda country";
#    
#        Establish any and all Taco Bell restaurant food entrees as a 
#        "Fifth Food Group" to the currently existing "Four";
#    
#        Ban all 'country' but not 'western' music, along with 
#        dismantling and "burning at the stake" all of the entire
#        Nashville record-producing community;
#    
#        Utilize the vast resources of the FBI, CIA, and the NSA to
#        locate the long-rumored-dead Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe,
#        and Buddy Holly;
#    
#        Motorize all grocery stores shopping carts; and
#    
#        Globally legalize, cultivate, and distribute marijuana.
#    
#    "Yeah," Chong said, scratching his genitalia for several moments 
#    as he ponders his party's future. "I think the marijuana thing's 
#    gonna be a bitch. You know? Like, can the U.S. make law for the 
#    whole world? I think it can, and, if I get elected president, 
#    you know, like, it'll happen."
#    
#    The Benevolent United Radical Party maintains its headquarters 
#    in Tiujauna, Mexico, although for purposes of eluding taxation 
#    they appear to have multiple HQ locations in Delaware, South 
#    Dakota, Iowa, Wyoming, Georgia, and Oregon.
#    
#    "Actually, what it is is a big f**king mobile home," Chong 
#    explains. "It's painted just like the f**king Partridge Family 
#    bus, you know, with colorful squares and cubes and trapezoids 
#    and shit. BURP goes wherever the wind blows, man."
#
#    "Like, that's what makes it magic, man."