Whats NOOS?

[Ken Brown]

Greg Reynolds posted some jargon purporting to be from the US National
Ocean Service:

> "NOS is at the forefront of merging coastal
> resources with a forward-moving economy."

What a wonderful way of putting it. Corporate dont-sue-me-please
on-message toe-the-line vision-and-values mission-statement blandness
meets military-official Haigspeak and together they produce such a
charmingly inoffensive little phrase.

If you are a "coastal resource" you will be merged. You will be
*assimilated*  It's for your own good you know. None of that stitting
around uselessly somewhere between the sea and the land. That cannot be
tolerated.  You will be merged.

And don't think you are going to get a piece of the coast if you aren't
a part of the "forward-moving economy". Backward-movers need not apply.
And as for sideways-movers, we know how to deal with those little
crablets. Trust me, I'm from the Fisheries Protection Agency, and I'm
here to merge you.

All those starfish had better co-operate too. They can crawl but they
can't hide. They *will* be assimilated. Merged. A seamless geodesically
forward-moving economic network encompassing all right-thinking coastal
entities.  I have seen the future and it writhes. 

Ken Brown