Fw: Excuse me, Mr. Blank Frank

[Ray Dillinger]

On Tue, 23 Jan 2001, Lori Banks wrote:

>> By the way, why are you sending our emails to a list of recipients
>> cypherpunks at openpgp.net?  If you were the one that originally responded to
>> me ... which I can't even tell ... first it's bf at farc.org , then it's
>> alan at clueserver.org ... and who knows next .... or, are you all different
>> people ... I'm just a concerned Mom ... and confused at this point. Any
>> assistance will be greatly appreciated -- please don't give me the
>> run-around.... remember the Golden Rule?


Ms. Banks; 

My Great-grandparents believed firmly in protecting their children 
from the evils of the money-dominated society and worldly hypocrisy 
they saw around them.  They refused electricity, plumbing, motorcars, 
and other modern conveniences in order to live a simpler lifestyle 
close to God and as part of a reality they understood. I have not 
much in common with them, but before they passed we at least learned 
to respect and understand one another and became friends.  So, I do 
understand your desire to "protect" your children from the set of 
influences that can be encountered in the wide world.  

However, I cannot condone your efforts to teach them anything useful 
or to protect them from anything threatening by cracking their 
password files.  First, it is rude to do so; in cryptographic 
discussions, people who undertake to break the security of others 
are referred to as "enemy" for a reason.  Second, it is cowardly. 
You are trying to avoid a confrontation by doing this covertly, but 
consider the consequences:  If you don't find anything, then you 
have invaded the privacy of innocents and cannot ask their forgiveness.
And if you do find something, then you will confront people with the 
knowledge that you committed a crime against them, and at the same 
time, try to treat that as a nonissue and give them guidance on 
another matter?  All that will teach them is that disrespect is 
acceptable behavior; something I hardly think you want them to 
learn. 

Now, I want to give you a page from my Amish Great-grandparents 
here; they are very intentional and very respectful toward one 
another, especially in matters of deciding what degree of 
protection from the world outside is appropriate.  They sit down 
and talk about it, with their kids and with their Elders, together. 
They talk about what's out there, about the influences it could 
have, about the consequences of changes in the degree or nature 
in which they set themselves apart.  And they don't hide it from 
the kids. They do not sneak around behind each others' backs, and 
after kids get to about the age of six, they don't search the kids' 
rooms unless the children ask them to.  In other words, they regard 
Trust as a high virtue and recognize it as the only way to build 
trustworthiness.  I happen to think that this approach is an 
excellent idea for people who want to protect children from 
evil influences, and recommend it to you.  

If you want to know what's in the file, ask your child.  If you're 
afraid of what *might* be in that file, talk about it with your 
child.  Explain that you're concerned, and explain why, and ask 
whether your child shares your concerns and what concerns the 
child has, and above all LISTEN to what the child says.  

As regards the cypherpunks list: "Blank Frank" is anonymous.  S/he 
could be anybody, or several different anybodies at the same time. 
You happened to catch it/him/her/them in a nasty mood, and at 
least one of it/him/her/them flamed you pretty hard.  Perhaps that 
particular persona of "Blank Frank" is all out of patience.  But 
try to understand why your intent would make someone angry; there 
are lots of people out here who are very bitter about being "protected" 
as children by authoritarian adults who refused us basic human trust - 
which seems to be your intent.  We find that intent repulsive.  

Perhaps that particular "Blank Frank" is one of the wounded.  
Try extending a little understanding for his/her pain, try to read 
past the vitriol, and try a little bit of that old fashioned 
Christian forgiveness, and you will see that even in his/her rage, 
"Blank Frank" was giving you basically the same advice I am giving 
you now. 


				Ray Dillinger

PS.  I fear I have spent far more time and effort on this message 
     than its likely reception will warrant -- but I feel it would 
     have been Wrong to fail to give you at least the chance to 
     understand what's going on here.