Physicist Succumbs to Dangerfield Syndrome
Matthew Gaylor
freematt at coil.com
Sun Apr 1 20:33:53 PDT 2001
APRIL 01, 21:11 EST
Physicist Succumbs to Dangerfield Syndrome
By Mickey Spillane
Affiliated Print Writer
Cambridge, Mass (AP) - Dr. Phallus Halitosis-Baker today went on a
verbal rampage injuring six and boring five others. Police were
called to Dr. Halitosis-Baker's east side home after neighbors
noticed him yelling at them that taxes were too low and complaining
that they had too many NRA bumper stickers on their gas guzzling
sport utility vehicles. Before being led away to the Orwell Clinic
for the critically underestimated, Dr. Halitosis-Baker vowed to
return to fight what he calls the oppression of American excellence
in science and education. "It's not fair that I have to come to the
United States so I can make good money." Dr. Halitosis-Baker
commented from the police cruiser.
An initial diagnosis points to a severe case of Dangerfield Syndrome,
named after American comedian Rodney Dangerfield. The syndrome
causes victims to resort to name calling and ad-hominem arguments
when they're not accorded the respect they think they deserve. Dr.
Phallus Halitosis-Baker's episode was apparently triggered when a
neighbor called Dr. Phallus Halitosis-Baker, Dick and not Dr. Dick as
he prefers. The prognosis looks bright however for Dr. Phallus
Halitosis-Baker, especially after technicians cleaned his mouth out
with soap and gave him a toothbrush.
Regards, Matt-
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Matthew Gaylor, 2175 Bayfield Drive, Columbus, OH 43229
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