CDR: Re: Florida Vote

[Ken Brown]

Posted without permission. You've probably seen it before & it probably
isn't funny but I'd been drinking beer when i saw it & I laughed:

> NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> 
> To the citizens of the United States of America,
> 
> In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> independence, effective today.
> 
> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> over all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, 
> which she does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony 
> Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that 
> there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for 
> America without the need for further elections.  Congress and the 
> Senate will be disbanded.  A questionnaire will be circulated next year 
> to determine whether any of you noticed.
> 
> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> rules are introduced with immediate effect:
> 
> 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.  
> Then
> look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
> at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
> raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary".  
> Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such 
> as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of 
> communication.  Look up "interspersed".
> 
> 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know 
> on
> your behalf. 
> 
> 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.  
> It
> really isn't that hard.
> 
> 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> good guys.
> 
> 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The 
> Queen",
> but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get
> confused and give up half way through.
> 
> 6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind 
> of
> football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your 
> borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.  
> You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play 
> proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the 
> girls.  It is a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in 
> time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American 
> "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty 
> seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies).  We are 
> hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005.
> 
> 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> they give you any merde.  The 97.85% of you who were not aware that 
> there
> is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky.  The 
> Russians have never been the bad guys.  "Merde" is French for "shit".
> 
> 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 8th will be a new
> national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
> 
> 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for 
> your
> own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we 
> mean.
> 
> 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
> 
> Thank you for your cooperation.