CDR: Vatican defends its IP

[Anonymous Remailer]

VATICAN, Monday: Numerous religion around the world have confirmed that
they will close over the next few weeks following the Catholic Churchs
startling declaration that it is the only valid source of salvation.

The Churchs declaration, "Dominus Iesus", ended the years old debate as
to which religion was correct. In the document the Catholic Church
claims that it made the shrewd purchase of the rights of salvation
sometime around 300BC.

Aware of the possible controversy that would be caused by their
statements the Church sought to placate other religions. "Just because
there is no chance of salvation through them doesnt mean that Hinduism
or Buddhism cant be very effective social clubs," said Pope John Paul
II.

The Catholic Church has defended the impartiality of the declaration
which also claims that Christian religions that failed to recognise the
Pope are also deficient as churches.

"There was a great deal of vigour in the process and any religion could
have turned out to be the correct religion," defended Cardinal Joseph
Ratzinger. "I got the Pope to ask God and the answer just happened to
come back in favour of Catholicism, it was just lucky for us."

"I guess it is good to find out now rather than later," commented Jewish
fundamentalist Rabbi Kahane who admitted that there was a sense of
regret at being wrong. "Pass me a ham sandwich."