When your in Texas look behind you...

Matthew X profrv at nex.net.au
Thu May 13 06:20:38 PDT 1999

Uh-oh. Tom Byron's squinting. And if you've been there before on other 
occasions, you know what that means - to see Byron's eyes flashing like two 
hollow points ready to unload some serious damage into a moving target. You 
think of De Niro in Goodfellas drawing emotional distance from some mob guy 
who's about to get stuffed in a trunk.
Or you might imagine a primordial fire god whose visceral urge to create 
bloodlines has been unnecessarily interrupted by a territorial skirmish in 
Mesopotamia. Or, at the low end of the comparison scale, think of a concert 
pianist when a cultural blockhead in the auditorium launches a bowel 
movement during the third movement of the Moonlight Sonata.
Unnecessary distractions, if you get the drift, are pernicious acts on a 
Tom Byron set. They're punishable not quite by death; but the rawhide 
squint is enough to get some minor points across. Even homeowners with law 
degrees can't escape the silence
is golden fine print. Which was the case late last year on the set of Lord 
of Asses 6 when Byron's focus collided with the compelling urgency of the 
guy renting the location just to have a couple of buddies over to watch 
Byron fuck Sierra in the ass.
His brow creased in concentration, Byron's in the middle of telling the 
lady-of-color, a woman who could cause blood to circulate through a lead 
statue of Pope John XXIII, that her topography reminds him one of those 
mountains she's named after. But Byron halts the proceedings and stares 
like a television wrestler when the off camera buddy murmur becomes more 
than apparent. In the hierarchy of values, Byron's, at least for the 
moment, took preference.
Even when the opportunity arises during shoots, which is rare, Byron tends 
to clock his remarks to but a few temperate, muzzy statements. More like 
the opiated verbalisms of a sixth degree aikido sensei, Byron's tendency is 
to keep the flow of his thoughts tight, compact, circumspect, in control. 
And to even be on a Byron set, which is not exactly what you'd call a
pocket of male bonding to begin with, a savvy appreciation of one's place 
and distance is called for. Anything else, like idle chatter, tends to 
deflect the Icon's attention from stewardship to minor detail.
Detail is where it all comes together. Byron says sleight of hand tricks of 
the proverbial trade take place. Pieces of language gained from old battles 
form a game plan inspired by teasing, seductive intimacy all of which Byron 
has assembled in his head.
He may be fucking guilelessly on camera, but Byron's simultaneously 
caressing internal notes and mentally editing a scene which in the final 
analysis will be as carefully and delicately assembled as a Swiss music 
box. Put another way, Houdini ain't necessarily going to talk about the 
trap doors in the vanishing ass act. Neither is Byron whose Lord of Asses 
movies are
casual nonchalance powered by light and sly butt-hugging direction with 
tricks he'll never likely trade.
Hellraisers of their own device, Lord of Asses movies offer bracing 
alternative to porn's standard repetitive-motion disorder. The action is a 
veritable shopping list of anal carnage- the enterprises staffed by Byron 
fucking vanguard women with crisp features, heartbreak cheekbones; 
easy-going, life-embracing charm, down-to-earth sparkle and a propensity for
exposing tundras of cleavage fore and aft. Aft being the principle focus of 
the series in which Lord Byron, by his lonesome, engages his vassals in 
irresistibly potent salutes to butt-marauding, the old-fashioned, 
castle-storming way.
If she were a galloping horse, Bree Brooks, who zooms off the good looks 
Richter scale, would be this equine
image of beauty with supernal power and grace- her ripe dorsal orbs square 
in the male centered view of the universe. To boot, Brooks has got these 
fluttery eyes and the kind of porcelain high gloss marquee smile impervious 
to brown outs. But someone's got to tell her teeth to relax, though, 
because Bree couldn't manage a more smile-in-place charm if she permanently
attached the ends of her mouth to her ear lobes.
Chalk up that possibility perhaps to an artery-constricting white mini 
dress she has on in Lord of Asses 6- one that barely covers her tumultuous 
posterior. Brooks to this point had yet to do an anal scene on camera in 
her four months in the business. But Byron, maintaining a light tone and 
sense of perpetual motion, eases her fast and unfalteringly forward as he 
sneaks a look under that dress. Even though there's no music to he heard, 
the room aches with it, as Byron unveils Bree's exquisite hind quarters and 
allows his tongue unencumbered access to her shit hole
Brooks with her "elongated femur bones," which Byron likes to call them, 
reminds him of every towering female whose ass he's attempted to mount in 
his prosaic career. Sahara Sands comes relatively to mind. She [Sands] was 
the "best tall girl," states Byron, who for the moment adjusts his critical 
sensibilities to accommodate the height factor. Byron demonstrates the 
tense melodrama necessary to achieve certain camera angles as he vigorously 
butt thumps an imaginary Amazon in the standing position.
Small wonder male performers tend to have clenched, over-developed calf 
muscles as in the case of Byron. And once Byron massages Brooke's butt to 
an appreciative gape reflex in their scene, she waxes his knob and it's on 
to some ardent vaginal trysting before the big moment. For the record 
Bree's anal deflowering comes by way of a rolled-in-a-ball mish
entry after which she puts her knees to good use for a doggie entry that 
feeds the poop puppies. The scene wraps up, and because it's the holiday 
season, some of Byron's enriched nutmeg coats her open mouth.
Sierra's an extremely effervescent, charming and seriously busty black 
girl, who, judging by her compulsive giggle, must be a riot at Comedy 
Central audience tryouts. As much in the manner of the scene with Bree 
Brooks, Byron engages Sierra's hardy rump in a round of poop post office as 
she stamps his balls with a return address of her lips. A little vaginal
warm-up in the doggie position is nothing compared to when Sierra's highly 
animated butt does the shimmy-shake when Byron locks and loads some cock in 
her ass, cowgirl-style. Two more heinie-humping positions precede a 
resolute pop shot- also aimed square in her mouth.
Byron then hits the daily double with the comely teaming of Ryan Connor and 
Alexia Riley. With an ass like a davenport, Connor, a veteran of Lord of 
Asses3, is fast becoming another go-to gal in the prestigious Byron anal 
lineup where familiarity tends to breed more relief than contempt. Byron 
often states she likes to use performers that he's comfortable with. "You 
know what to expect of them and they know what you like," he says.
By the same token, Riley being new to all of this was "necessarily timid," 
in Byron's opinion, but Connor's presence was a rich and enveloping balm. 
"It's a good thing Ryan was in the scene," says Byron, "It balanced things 
out." As the scene progresses, Connor wraps her licentious mouth about 
Byron's staunch rig, and the two, like old lovers in familiar positions, test
unresolved issues in the 69 position before engaging in some 
sagebrush-style humping.
Riley tries it, too, but in the reverse angle as Connor serves as her own 
sideshow-the camera dwelling on Connor's greatest asset as she ducks her 
head in and out of the scene to suck Riley's flailing pussy meat. Riley's 
first to get it in the ass, as she
takes a missionary then a doggie humping - followed by Connor whose ass 
quite frankly, looks prodigious from
any angle but even more so in the canine position - one of the two entries 
she entertains before Byron finds their mouths inviting targets.
Max Hardcore girl Catalina, a woman who commandeers the screen with a loopy 
smile and glistening swirls of off-the-wall pre-coital conversation, is "a 
lovable dingbat" according to Byron, who claims she turns him on in a very 
weird way "She's a real sweetheart but a space cadet." Otherwise, Byron 
admits to getting off on the whole mind trip her presence offered in Lord 
of Asses 6.

And, like the Czech performer Jessika in the previous Lord's volume, 
Byron's of the opinion that it's near-to-impossible to fuck Catalina 
vaginally and make it look easy. "She has great skin but her pussy's real 
tight. On the other hand you get in her ass and you practically fall in." 
In their scene Catalina mentions that she enjoys having guys piss in her 
mouth. Sometimes. But that "sometimes" isn't happening in this scene, 
unfortunately. Bladder shy, Byron isn't looking for a toilet as much as a 
dark, warm and damp place to hunker down for the night. And the lord finds 
lodging at ye old anal inn when he goes balls
deep in Catalina with three fecal resonating positions.

True to type casting, Bella Donna tells Byron in a scene that also features 
Aurora Snow that she was the high school slut. Snow, on the other hand, 
reminds you of a teenager who grew up in a two-traffic-light-town. Albeit 
it one where anal's
practiced during rush hour snarls. After raising their plaid skirts for a 
buttshow, Aurora kisses Byron's ass, literally, while Bella Donna's lips 
convince his dick of the worthiness of their affection. A persuasive 
gesture to be sure because next thing you know, Byron's in and out of her 
ass with Aurora tonguing his shaft on ever successful out stroke. After 
fucking Aurora vaginally in the doggie position, Byron turns her into an 
anal pound puppy with an encore visit in her shit shaft.

The team of Bella Donna and Aurora Snow doesn't get much better, according 
to Byron who mined a rich vein of anal treasure in a scene that stays just 
on the right side of beautifully lewd. Byron had already worked with Bella 
Donna in Whack Attack 11 but knew Snow only by reputation. "One's a bad 
girl and trampy [BellaDonna]; the other's like a homecoming queen," said 
Byron. "There was a good vibe- a good mix. Man, I wish I could shoot some 
scenes over and over. This
would be one of them."
...cause thats where the rangers gonna' be.

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