Corporate Children

[TruthMonger]

[Bienfait Nutly News] IN A RIOTOUS, DRUNKEN ORGY AT THE COALDUST SALOON,
representatives of Canadian Funeral Home Association celebrated their
success in bribing enough Canadian officials, bureaucrats, politicians
and mobsters to pull off the advertising coupe of the century.
Beginning on April 19, 1998, at 9:02 a.m., Canadian funeral homes will
be able to bid on advertising space on the ceilings of maternity wards,
birthing rooms and infant care facilities across the nation.

Jealous of the recent success of soft-drink and liquor companies in
gaining a virtual stranglehold on the public school and college market,
the CFHA appealed to the North American Advertising Coalition for 
support, on the grounds that establishing a Cradle-to-Grave precedent
for access to the minds of the citizens would be good for the industry
as a whole.
Lou Armbuster, who engineered Smith & Wesson's successful bid for 
access to the prison advertising market, stated, "We are certain that
this will be a major step in preventing people from putting off dealing
with funeral arrangements until it is too late, leaving their relatives
vulnerable to unscrupulous operators during their period of grief."
When asked about the rumor that the "Vote Hoffa" ads appearing on
the sides of the majority of coffins recently was part of a pre-
arranged deal for Teamster Union support, Mr. Armbuster punched out
the lights of the reportwhore who asked the question.

PGP Inc., under fire recently for the fact that their latest version
of Corporate GAKware has a 'comment' line that defaults to "Louis
Freeh for President!", contends that it does not constitute free
political advertising, since the customer has the option to change it.
Nevertheless, PGP refuses to drop their lawsuit against the FrostBack
they consider responsible for hacking their system and altering their
source code so that new versions of PGP installed on Canadian systems
have a default comment line of "Cindy Cohn has a great ass!"

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in the tradition of our founder, Dick Richard.
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