Plot of the Platypus

[Anonymous]

**********        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~       **********
WARNING!!!        Plot of the Platypus       !!!WARNING
**********        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~       **********

  Since the death of Dale Thorn, I have lurked silently in the list
background while observing the creeping conspiracies continually
compromising cypherpunk costs.
  I mean..."posts." {Damn, now I'm doing it, too.}

  Doing what, you ask? 
  How did you know what I said? Are you with the MIND POLICE? 
  AM I SURROUNDED??!!!??

  {Oh...I see that I put that thought in brackets, where you could
   read it. Whew! Had me worried for a minute, there.}

  To continue...
  Being an anonymous coward who hides behind remailers the few times
that I post, I have been somewhat hesitant, nonetheless, to reveal
the observations and accompanying thoughts about the direction that
the cypherpunks lissed has taken {Damn, that's twice, already. I may
be infected, like many of the others} since the end of the Nazi 
moderation/censorship experiment.
  While other, more vocal, list members were celebrating the apparent
'victory' over the johnboot of fascism being lifted from our typing
fingers, I had a troubled mind, worrying whether the evil forces
were truly vanquished or whether they had merely escaped by way of
the anonymous remailers, to the negative pole, where they would
bide their time and prepare to strike again.

  I was counting on the shit-disturbers, chiefly Dale Thorn, to
keep a practiced eye out for signs of the evil farces {Was that a
typo, a Freudian slip, or another sign of the mind infection that
is rapidly spreading on the list?} regrouping to once again try
to destroy the cypherpunks list.
  Suddenly, Dale disappeared--faster than you can say, "Jimmy Hoffa."
For a time, Toto attempted to carry on in his stead, but I *knew*
Dale Thorn, and Toto is no John F. Kennedy.
  {Shit! Now I'm beginning to steal and corrupt the words of others.
   I'm not certain I like the implications of this. The plot may go
   even deeper than I previously thought...}

  Where was I...?
  Oh, yes...the Plot of the Platypus...

William H. Geiger III writed:
> A prime example is the welfair class in America.
                            *^^*
Anonymous rote:
>  Many in the welfair class have their basic needs met by...
                 *^^*
  Then, in a startling development,
? the platypus wrote:
>(Australia, most of europe ect have higher welfare rates).
...                                        *^^^^^^^*
>Please excuse my spelling as I suffer from agraphia see the url in my header. 

  Notice anything a little bit *strange* in the above quotes?
  Suddenly, "? the Platypus" is the the only one of this group that
can spell welfair...warfair......welfare.
  {Damn! What's that clinging to my back?}

  What is going on here? As the Platypus's spelling gets better, the
other list members' spelling gets worse.
  For example:

Ray Arachelian sayhed:
> what shal be the punishment?  If the one who takes the order...
         *^*
> reposability, then the one giving the order must be doubly...
     *^^*

Tim May wroted:
> Agraphia or not, this is one of the lamest posts I've seen in years.
> Wealth is to be taken from those who have worked for it or put their
> capitcal at risk
      *^*

  The Cypherpunk Philosophist King, lame-ing while flame-ing? Worse 
yet, while flame-ing about lame-ing?
  Lame-ing while flame-ing about lame-ing? Fucking up his spelling 
while taking a cheap-shot at someone's disability in their ability to
'dis' someone with proper spelling?
  And then, after his "capitcal" misfire, the object of his scorn 
returns fire with a correct spelling of "redistribution?"

? the Playtpus correctly scripted:
> The US has one of the lowest rates of wealth redistribution in the...

  Am I making too much of this? A few simple typo's, you say? Perhaps
an occasional slip of the finger--a momentary lapse of mind and/or
memory, leading to a misspelled word?
  {Or is it 'mispelled'? I don't know, and I'm afraid to look it up.
   I could use the spell checker, but... No! It's too dangerous.}

  It's the Plot of the Platypus, I tell you...I AM NOT CRAZY!!!!
  I did extensive analysis of the list posts in the last few months,
and I can state with absolute certainty that for every slight
improvement in the quality of the Platypus's spelling, there is a 
court responding decease in the Kuala-T of many of T ohter libsp
mambors spealing.
  {See? Do you SEE!?!? IT'S EVEN HAPPENING TO *ME* NOW.}

  That's not all. Just like before, others on the list are acting as
the shills for the chief instant gator of this spelling tragivesty.

Bill Stewart, a consciencious speller, said:
> [If you're going to rant about government-provided education,
> _please_ spell most of your words correctly, or let technology help 
> you...]

  See? Do you SEE?!?
  The subtle slams by the co-conspirators are beginning. It's the
next stage...
  "Having a little trouble with your spelling there, pal? There's no
more censorship, so you can say anything you want...as long as you
can SPELL it! Haaa...haaaa...haaa."

  The ebil fartses are once again attempting to split the cybferpukes
lissed in2 too kamps--the good spellers and the bag speelers.
  Think about it. Have you ever heard of "agraphia" before? Ever known
anyone that had it? Of course not! It was developed in an underground
lavoratory in Area 51 by reptilian Nazis.
  Well, maybe not "reptilian", but Nazis, just the same.

  And LOOK! I'm using double-quotes! *Misplaced* double-quotes, 
nonetheless.
  THE MARKS OF THE *TOTO*!!!

  The conspiracy is spreading fast. It's everywhere. Kent Crispin,
government schill {Damn! I even spell 'shill' like Toto, now. At
least I managed to use single quotes this time, like we did in
the old days, before the censorship crisis...which just 'happened'
to happen shortly after Toto happeared out of nowhere...}

  Where was I...? Oh, yes...
  Crispin, who has long previously been the target of many vicious 
attacks by both Toto and the Platypus, is now showing signs of
the government generated Platyagraphia and the double-quote marks 
of the Toto.

Kent Crispin <kent at songbird.com> say-heyed:
>will force the "welfair class" to become productive citizens or die.  
                ^    ^^^      ^

  Or is Kent Crispin, gubormint chill, marking funds of the wrist
of U.S.? Is he laughtering at uds B-hynd R backs?
  Is he a bubble agent in the Plop of the Paperplutz?

  Still skeptical? Wait!! There's more!!!
  {No, not the Ginsu knives, you fools. I'm talking about the Plop
   of the Pretty Puss.}

  Think about the following pots, which wah *snot* sent to the list
in order to hide the troops from the simplefucks lips dismemberers.
  Since it was not cent 2 the lips, I had to make it up, and now
I'm a forager, like Tutu making those bag fridgeries of ohter
cheaples pastes when he abuses their names without having their
parsimmons to accuse their name for making his own pissed to the
cyberhunks lost.

------- Begin Pretty Good Pretending-------
PGP: Bad Spelling Virgin 0.1

To: ciderpundits at tao.dot.commie
From: TheBadSpellingForger <i_can__spell_good at anytime.I.please>
Subject:  Make Con$piracy La$t
Date: {I'm typing it *now*, you idiot.}

  Tired of being a LOSER? Tired of failing in your list takeover
bids while others, like the _fuck_you_morons_ spammer, AOL'ers,
and blonde bimbos with huge breasts are getting ahead in life?
  Tired of not getting your secret cypherpunks decoder ring, like
the others, because you don't use an "authorized" operating
system, and you can't spell "welfare" even though you're on it?

  Join the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST today,
and turn your life around. 
 {No Bullshit! This conspiracy is so fucking secret that *nobody*
  knows about it--NOT EVEN ME! I had to make it up! That's how
  secret it is.}
  
  Good gays Finnish lost. Why do they "Finnish lost"? Because 
they waste their time with correct spelling, proper placement 
of quotation marks, and trying to develop a consistent list
persona when there are already millions of Internet identities
out there already, just waiting to be abused.
  Face it, its the assholes that usually end up on top, and not
just because most people sleep on their stomaches. So why are
you WASTING YOUR TIME being a good gay, when the assholes are
making the BIG BUCKS by putting naked pictures of big bucks
fucking big butts on their "Native American Nude MLM" web site?

  Tired of being an anarchist? Tired of waiting for Jim Bell
to rat you out as being a co-conspirator in his evil plot
to overthrow the government? Tired of standing in front of your
mirror, trying to practice acting surprised when armed forces
from a dozen government agencies kick down your door to announce
that someone nuked D.C., and they'd like to "ask you a few
questions?"
  Join the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. Do it
TODAY, and you will be guaranteed a secret cypherpunks decoder
ring when the people who pull our strings pass a law criminalizing
them (except for use in meeting the legitimate needs of secret 
conspirators against the cypherpunks list).

  Listen to what these Secret Conspirators have to say:

Peter Trei:
  "Hi. I used to be a boring guy. I was so boring that none of the 
assholes on the list even bothered insulting me, or forging posts in
my name.
  "Then one day, my life suddenly changed. Someone forged a post to 
the list in my name, and it was exciting. It was like getting robbed
at gunpoint. What a rush!
  "When I woke up the next morning, I couldn't face going back to my
normal, moral, ethical, boring life. I sent an anonymous post to the
list--as TruthMonger! It felt good, like being elected to a government
office by lying to people, but I wanted MORE. I began forging posts to
the list using other people's identities. If they complained to the
list, then I killed them, and assumed their list identities. It felt
like driving INSLAW into bankruptsy, stealing their software, and
murdering those who knew too much!
  "Now I am Peter Trei, boring cryptographer, by day, but I am any
exciting, unethical asshole I want to be, at night.
  "I liked the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST so
much that I *stole* the conspiracy. "? the Platypus" has nothing
to do with the Plot of the Platypus, I'm just making fun of his
disability, like a real asshole. Toto has nothing to do with it,
either. He's such a loser that everyone on the list can spot his
forgeries. (Well, they "used to could". But now that I can mimic
his style and have hacked his sympatico account, I can deny all
of this from my real list persona tomorrow, and nobody will be
the wiser.)
  "I'm not just a user of the cypherpunks list, I'm an abuser."

Kent Crispin:
  "This isn't Peter's conspiracy, its MINE! I mean, get real, I
work in a secret underground lavoratory as a government shill.
  "Think about it. Who would you expect to conspire against a
bunch of anarchists...the government! You all know how much I
love the government and authority. I'm Louis Freeh's secret
lover. Janet Reno is going to have my baby.
  "It's me! *I* am the one behind the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST
THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. I'm a STATIST, for God's sake, why won't
you believe me? 
  "Because I'm not one of the elitist 'chosen?' Fuck you."

Tim May:
  "God, I *love* this list."

Robert Hettinga:
  "Hey! If you check the archives, you'll find that I said that 
in a post, long before anyone else did."

TruthMonger:
  "Now Hettinga is stealing Tim May's lines. What the hell is 
going on, here? Has *everybody* on this list gone crazy?
  "*I* am the one who is *really* behind the SECRET CONSPIRACY 
AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST. Think about it. Everyone knows
that I'm a 33rd degree Mason.  No...that's Tim May.
  "Fuck this shit. From now on, I'm posting as Toto."

John Perry:
  "This has gone on long enough. I'm killing this thread.
...I mean..."post." ...I mean...
  "Shit! I'm not the list moderator, yet. That's *after* we
take over the list."
  "Sorry."

------- End Pretty Good Pretending-------
...
~~~~~~~ Begin Note From Igor ~~~~~~~
Do you all remember the Perl script I was working on for mimicking the
posts of other people? Well, this post is the latest product of that
script. What do you think? Is it convincing? Did you really believe
that it was actually written by one or more of the people mentioned
in the post?
I think that I finally have the Perl script to the point where I can
effectively fool most people about the true source and method of a
computer generated post's actual origins.
  I was thinking about adding a conspiratoral part about myself. I was
going to intimate that the fact that I was so active on the list during
the censorship crisis, playing the skeptic who was gradually brought
around to the truth of Dale Thorn and Toto's claims, then volunteering
to host the list and quietly disappearing into the background, might
indicate that *I* was really behind the SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE
CYPHERPUNKS LIST.
  In the end, I decided against it, because then the readers would be
left with the notion that perhaps even this explainatory note from me
was bogus, and that there really was an ongoing SECRET CONSPIRACY 
AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST.
~~~~~~~ End Note From Igor ~~~~~~~

                            **********
                            DISCLAIMER
                            **********
    THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!

	There is no conspiracy by a secret government to destroy
	the Constitution, enslave the people, and rule the world.

	Individual cypherpunks are not being imprisoned and murdered
	and replaced with Identity Bots. There is no need to worry.

	Declan McCullagh can confirm all of this. You can trust him.
	He is your representative in D.C. He did *not* give secret
	testimony against Jim Bell in return for a byline in the
	"Time" magazine cover story. That is just a rumor. Well, not
	yet, maybe, but it will be, very soon.

	Remember, this is just a normal mailing list with a few list
	members who are a little odd. There are no spooks. There is
	no background intrigue. This whole privacy thing has just been
	blown a bit out of proportion. It's really not that important.

	Waco was just a tragic accident. Ruby Ridge was a simple error
	in judgement by a government agent who really feels bad about
	following his superiors orders. Heavily armed U.S. Marines are
	no match for a goat-herding boy with a .22, and it is only by
	the grace of God that they are alive today. Oswald acted alone.
lai;ekrjke ^C
    THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!

	There is no conspiracy by a secret government to destroy
	the Constitution, enslave the people, and rule the world.
dakl;jdafkl;jad;jfa  ^C ^C
	Oswald acted alone. Bears are Catholic. The Pope shits in 
	the woods. The government is concerned for your welfair.
                                                           *^^^*
ldfafd;ljfd;  ^C^X^C
    THERE IS *NO* SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
da;lkdf ^C
    THERE IS *NO* welfair ad;fljadf;
                     *^^^*
ad;sljf;afj ^C ^C ^C
    THERE IS *NO* 
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!
	SECRET CONSPIRACY AGAINST THE CYPHERPUNKS LIST!