fwd: Federal Internet Enforcement Policy

Robert Hettinga rah at shipwright.com
Sat Feb 24 16:27:12 PST 1996

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X-Sender: oldbear at pop.tiac.net
Mime-Version: 1.0
Date: Sat, 24 Feb 1996 17:56:31 -0500
To: rah at shipwright.com
From: The Old Bear <oldbear at arctos.com>
Subject: fwd: Federal Internet Enforcement Policy

--- Forwarded message follows ---

The "Federal Internet Indecency Crawler" has determined your Newsgroup
or Web Site posting to be in violation of the "Exxxon Communications
Indecency Act of 1996".

In an effort to comply with the "Federal Paperwork Reduction Act" you
are hereby directed to complete the proper arrest warrant paperwork
and submit same to the Federal Court in your district, then obtain a
valid copy of the approved arrest warrant and serve said warrant upon

To properly initiate this procedure, you are required to submit Form
A-16844787033 -83259 (rev.02) in triplicate, which may be obtained from
the US Government printing office.  After completion, send the original
to the Federal Courthouse by certified mail with one copy mailed to your
local FBI office.  Please make certain to include all pertinent
information, including the specific word, words or phrases that
constituted the violation, together with your name, address, telephone
number, social security number, and the policy number of any health
insurance contracts in which you are currently enrolled.

Also, please be reminded that as a citizen of the United States and a
lawfully appointed officer of the Federal Court "for the purpose of
serving the above arrest warrant only", you are exempted from any
prohibitions regarding carrying of handguns, rifles, shotguns or any
other type of guns or assault weapons while in the act of serving said
warrant.  However, please be advised that this provision does not apply
to you as the recipient of Federal arrest warrants, and as such your
constitutionally protected right to bear arms is hereby waived in this

It is important that you obtain your signature, thus showing the warrant
was properly executed. Kindly note any undue resistance encountered in
the appropriate space provided.

Because of the large amount of court resources which must be diverted
from other judicial efforts in order to accommodate the new "Exxxon
Communications Indecency Act", the Democratic and Republican National
Parties have made the following kind offer to assist us in enforcement
of these new policies.

As an alternative to the above process, you may at your option, send a
contribution of not less than $100 to the Clinton Presidential Campaign
Committee or to the Republican Presidential Nomination Committee.  If
you should choose one of these alternatives, it will not be necessary to
obtain and complete the paperwork outlined above, nor will it be
necessary to contact the Federal Court or your local FBI office.  Simply
copy the Newsgroup post in question or the URL and header information
from your web page, and mail to either party committee, with your
cashier's check or money order for $100 or more in US funds.

In addition to relieving you of the responsibility of filing legal
paperwork with the court and undergoing a traumatic arrest procedure,
you will have the comfort of knowing that you have contributed in a
meaningful way to the political process of your country.

In addition, we are authorized (by Senator Exxxon himself) to inform
you that after receiving your contribution of $100 or more, we will send
you a special alpha- numerical code which, when placed in your header
information, will prevent the "Federal Internet Indecency Crawler"
from recording your indecency violations until after the November

Remember, because of the "Exxxon Communications Indecency Act"
constitutionally protected free speech is now in limited quantity.  So,
don't pass up this golden opportunity to avail yourself of unlimited
free expression for the next eight months.

This may be your last opportunity to do so!


--- end forwarded text

Robert Hettinga (rah at shipwright.com)
e$, 44 Farquhar Street, Boston, MA 02131 USA
"Reality is not optional." --Thomas Sowell
The e$ Home Page: http://thumper.vmeng.com/pub/rah/

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