[ot][random] a partial book experience: Walking Free from the Trauma
Walking Free from the Trauma of Coercive, Cultic and Spiritual Abuse A Workbook for Recovery and Growth Gillie Jenkinson Illustrations by Camilla Charnock Routledge, Taylor & Francis Group, London and New York -- -- For all who have been through the trauma of coercive, cultic and spiritual abuse, and their families and therapists. - # Does this book apply to me? Walking Free is for those: - who have suffered coercion and abuse in groups or relationships of all types: religious, spiritual, counselling, coaching, self-realisation, wellness, domestic and family relationships, business, pyramid schemes, political, gangs and more - whose lives were dominated or taken over by a leader, a group or a relationship, cutting them off psychologically and maybe physically from mainstream society - whose thinking and emotions have been suppressed and confused - whose identity has been changed, controlled, formed or re-formed - who struggle with life and relationships, perhaps with depression, anxiety, addiction or a sense of cultural and spiritual dislocaiton, and are strating to connect these struggles to their coercive and abusive experience - who think they are weird because they grew up in or joined a coercive, cultic and/or spiritually abusive group or relationship - who think they are less than others or that they are stupid because they got taken in, duped and betrayed - who just wanted to make the world a better place but ended up coerced and exploited - who barely recognise themselves anymore - who want to make sense of what happened, understand and be understood - who want to recover and grow from these experiences and are looking for a roadmap to navigate the terrain in order to heal - who are therapists in need of a navigation tool to help survivors of coercive, cultic and spiritual abuse to heal This book is for you!
Contents Acknowledgements PART ONE Setting the scene P1.1 Introducing the Roadmap P1.2 What else is in this Workbook? P1.3 Why this Workbook on this subject? P1.4 Based on ‘Post-Cult Counselling’ P1.5 Equipping yourself P1.6 Navigating the Workbook P1.7 Telling your story into the Workbook P1.8 Challenges and triggers P1.9 If the Milestones don’t seem to fit P1.10 All coercive, cultic and spiritually abusive settings P1.11 All generations P1.12 Others’ stories to help you recognise yours P1.13 Take your time and pace yourself P1.14 A word about emotions P1.15 What if you need support? P1.16 What does recovery look like? P1.17 Your chosen destination PART TWO Who am I? P2.1 Joining P2.2 Life in P2.3 Leaving – in stages P2.4 Life now PART THREE Preparing for the journey P3.1 Looking after yourself P3.2 Consider your starting point before you set off PART FOUR The Walking Free journey Region 1: Leave physically so you can begin to recover psychologically Milestone 1: Leaving physically M1.1 If you have not left physically or have returned M1.2 What leaving looks like M1.3 Describing your experience of leaving M1.4 Culture shock and feelings about leaving M1.5 Finding your ‘tribe’ M1.6 Beware of cult hopping M1.7 Decision-making – on leaving or at any time Region 2: Leaving psychologically Milestone 2: Face your doubts M2.1 What are doubts? M2.2 Experiences of doubt as a member M2.3 Remembering your doubts as a member M2.4 Facing doubts about leaving Milestone 3: Diagnose your group or relationship M3.1 Types of groups and relationships included M3.2 Continuum of ‘safe enough’ to abusive M3.3 Call a cult a cult M3.4 Spiritual or religious abuse M3.5 What is coercive control? M3.6 Where did your cultic setting sit on the continuum? M3.7 What is the overall diagnosis of your group or relationship? Milestone 4: How confluent were you? M4.1 What is confluence? M4.2 The start of confluence – reciprocity and the favour M4.3 Living in confluence Milestone 5: Introjects, critical thinking and phobias M5.1 What is an introject? M5.2 Critical thinking M5.3 When introjects become phobias Milestone 6: Who are YOU? M6.1 Revisiting the pseudo-identity M6.2 Developing a ‘mask’ after leaving M6.3 Building our authentic identity M6.4 Identity and the generations M6.5 Working through identity Milestone 7: Understanding traumatic stress M7.1 Managing expectations M7.2 Responses to trauma – fight, flight, freeze and submit M7.3 ‘Big T’ traumas and ‘small t’ traumas M7.4 Symptoms of trauma M7.5 Responses – the zones explained M7.6 Responses – zone shifts and unconscious awareness M7.7 Memories, symptoms and pattern matches M7.8 Recovery: using perception – the ‘noticing brain’ M7.9 Recovery: letting your body know you are now safe Milestone 8: Boundary-setting assertive anger – and rage M8.1 Boundaries M8.2 Healthy boundary-setting assertive anger M8.3 Anger – negative connotations, loaded language and introjects M8.4 Rage M8.5 Narcissistic rage M8.6 The ring of fire Milestone 9: Healthy self-love M9.1 The myth of Narcissus and Echo M9.2 The continuum of self-love M9.3 Unhealthy excess of self-love – narcissism M9.4 Unhealthy lack of self-love – echoism M9.5 Echoing the cultic setting’s narcissism M9.6 Healthy self-love M9.7 Worksheets Milestone 10: Thought reform M10.0 Introduction M10.1 Milieu control M10.2 Mystical manipulation M10.3 Demand for purity M10.4 Confession M10.5 Sacred science M10.6 Loading the language M10.7 Doctrine over person M10.8 Dispensing of existence Milestone 11: Recognising other controlling dynamics M11.1 Double bind M11.2 Cognitive dissonance M11.3 Gaslighting Milestone 12: Unmasking the leader M12.1 The human need for authority M12.2 Non-abusive leaders M12.3 The cultic leader – different categories M12.4 Understanding and unmasking the leader M12.5 The structure of your group or relationship M12.6 Unmasking your leader Region 3: Heal emotionally Milestone 13: Emotional healing M13.1 Your emotions matter M13.2 What happens to emotions in a cultic setting? M13.3 Coping with emotions after leaving M13.4 Learning to self-regulate
M13.5 Face and move through emotions M13.6 Letting ourselves (and others) off the hook M13.7 Why did you join? Region 4: Walking Free Milestone 14: Reflections M14.1 Reflections on what you learned – post-traumatic growth M14.2 Reflections on your initial focus and baggage M14.3 Writing your life story M14.4 Final reflections Milestone 15: Moving on and Walking Free! M15.1 Recovery tips PART FIVE Seeking therapy P5.1 Why seek therapy? P5.2 Who offers therapy? P5.3 Theoretical approaches P5.4 Challenge introjects about therapy P5.5 Choosing a therapist and keeping safe P5.6 Becoming a therapist PART SIX Advice for therapists P6.1 Relational psychoeducation P6.2 Psychoeducational issues P6.3 Relational issues P6.4 A last word References Index
Acknowledgements I want to thank my family first and foremost. Tony, my husband and editor extraordinaire, for his love and all-round support over the years, it has been invaluable in more ways than I can begin to say – thank you! Hannah and Esther, my beautiful creative daughters, thank you for being you and always contributing wisdom and love to my life and this project – I am so proud of you. Thank you to my many friends (you know who you are!) and Martin, Emma and Rod for cheering me on and affirming that Mum and Dad would be so proud. Sheila Mudadi-Billings, your insight, friendship, wisdom, sisterhood, challenge and honesty mean the world to me. My therapist, Janet Hawksworth, who faithfully sat with me, helping me emotionally heal with her kindness, compassion and understanding. Thank you to my supervisor, Louise Porteous, for your consistent ongoing support and encouragement – you were there at the beginning of the Post-Cult Counselling journey and your input has been invaluable. My ICSA friends, Lorna and Bill Goldberg, Michael Langone, Gina Catena and too many more to name, who have welcomed me into your circle and have contributed so much love and insight into my life. Thank you to Wellspring Retreat and Resource Centre for the opportunity to intern with you, I never forget all you have done for me. I also want to acknowledge those who have ‘passed’: Dr Paul Martin, Dr Betty Tylden and Lady Daphne Vane, all heroes in their time. Thank you to Camilla Charnock for her beautiful illustrations, and Lydia Lapinski at thoughtsmakethings.com for the graphic design, it has been a dream working with you both. I want to thank all my clients who had the courage to enter into Post-Cult Counselling – I hope you learned as much from me as I learned from you – and those who participated in my research and generously gave of their time and their story. And finally, thanks to the therapists who attended the Certificate in Post-Cult Counselling and dared to try out my Recovery Workbook with their clients and found it helped!
# Part One ## Setting the scene https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003305798-1 [ Illustration: A bird perches on a post holding an arrow'd sign saying "THIS WAY". The bird looks down at a person in jeans and a sweater unfolding a large map as they step forward. A huge pack containing many bulky hidden items is lain to rest on the ground behind them. ][attachment P1A.jpg] I live in a beautiful rural area of England, by a road that was used for hundreds of years by traders using packhorses to take their merchandise from one town or village to another. Here and there, it is still possible to see ancient milestones telling the traveller how many miles they have walked from the last town and how far they still have to go to the next. Often they must have thought the way was long and slow, but each milestone meant real progress and a sense that their destination was that bit closer. I see the process of recovery and growth after a coercive, cultic or spiritually abusive experience as a journey. It takes time and effort and we need a roadmap as we navigate across bumpy terrain and around some roadblocks, but there is a way through and a destination worth seeking. I have made this journey of recovery and growth myself and sat with many clients as they have made their own journey. I have discovered that, although we all come from different types of abusive and coercive groups or relationships, many aspects of our journeys follow a similar course, and we need to pass the same milestones, one step at a time. Before we start, I will give you an overview of the book and the Walking Free journey by introducing you to the Roadmap and a summary of what is to come.
### P1.1 Introducing the Roadmap If you are in the process of leaving, or have left, a coercive, cultic and/or spiritually abusive group or relationship, you may be wondering how to move forward in your life. As a result of your membership, you may feel confused, distressed, lost and that you are carrying a lot of heavy baggage. You want to feel better and recover from your difficult experiences but don't know which way to go to process and empty out your baggage. [I'm not sure whether to change the words regarding "membership" to apply more to various forms of political influence. It seems most honest to copy it verbatim but makes some dissonance.] The Roadmap illustrates a journey that you can take, passing through four Regions and by 15 Milestones. Each Milestone is an opportunity to explore an aspect of your experience, unpack some of your baggage and move on, feeling a little lighter. [Illustrations: A full 2-page spread of illustrated map. The path begins in the lower left with Region 1. A small pine tree is growing and the bird is watching the character haul a huge bulky bag past a milestone labeled M1: LEAVING. ...[there's more text to the section after the maps. i guess i'm conflicted around typing a description of the whole path]
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Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many