[ot][spam][crazy][personal] pursuing rationality
- it’s helpful, pleasant, and grounding to relate with rational people and conversations - it’s quite hard, and there is a great urge to pressure them to be irrational - when irrational, this seems to worsen as the pressure continues - if there is something in one that reduces rationality, and it has reason, this seems analogous to dissociation or trauma. conflict with basic reason implies an unhandleable truth. one can then infer that there is likely a set of rational “bounds” that would most effectively help one increase rationality while minimally stimulating the fear of engaging whatever the unhandleable truth is. for example, if i feel least thretened when supporting an imaginary mcboss, maybe i could try to work financial paperwork for a corporation or something — not sure. i usually try to get skilled at something safe and then kind of branch out carefully once established.
- when irrational, this seems to worsen as the pressure continues - if there is something in one that reduces rationality, and it has reason, this seems analogous to dissociation or trauma. conflict with basic reason implies an unhandleable truth.
Another thought here is that a system behaving this implies it has developed familiarity and skill with doing so. With turning the development of information away from what is true or relevant and toward what seems safer rather than true and relevant. Shifting this familiarity and skill seems quite helpful, and takes significant persistance.
one can then infer that there is likely a set of rational “bounds” that would most effectively help one increase rationality while minimally stimulating the fear of engaging whatever the unhandleable truth is. for example, if i feel least thretened when supporting an imaginary mcboss, maybe i could try to work financial paperwork for a corporation or something — not sure.
i usually try to get skilled at something safe and then kind of branch out carefully once established.
Similarly, this approach helps shift the familiarity and skill back toward rationality. Further thoughts include why the change in behavior developed, as well as what other behaviors and situations facilitated that, and how to include those complexities in addressing it.
Thinking also of possible importance of building rationality around triggering concepts in some way, such that dissociative habits learn general logic rather than context, and where it is appropriate, more needed, or safe, to engage this; how aggressively or how carefully.
honestly for me it seems quite grounding to be exposed to rational concepts around difficult things, it’s just very hard to do so myself
Further thoughts include why the change in behavior developed, as well as what other behaviors and situations facilitated that, and how to include those complexities in addressing it.
I’m thinking there are maybe big categories here: - sensitized terror, triggers and experiences rooted in this - hypnotic/trancy persistence, loud false assumptions, repeated media - confusion, cognitive dissonance thinking the second and third items there are pretty blurred together - personal internal trances (may also include personalized media without record) - coordinated or synchronistic behaviors of others (shifts one’s experiences and knowledge of agency and reason) - hypnotic engaging media (shifts focusing decisions towards stimulation patterns rather than choice) - external lies, disagreements, controversial news (taxes memory, brings assumptions into question, reduces normal habits for handling world) - internal conflicts, voices, etc (strengthens external impacts, can spread with and to other internal processes) thinking on each external thing having an internal thing as we process, daydream, etc them, and how these internal things resonate and build with each other, and this resonating also happens externally. both externally and internally parts develop that attempt to direct other parts — either to sustain an important norm, or to strengthen the problem from attending to and considering it strongly. situations like terror and severe dissonance give areas of severe unsettlement where things can resonate and strengthen in unmoderated and often strongly defined ways
there’s a nasty set of influences that encourage poor choices, what’s notable there is that poor choices resonate, producing worse situations and worse choices
there’s a nasty set of influences that encourage poor choices, what’s notable there is that poor choices resonate, producing worse situations and worse choices
because of the severe impact of this one it seems useful to keep it somewhat nearby and try to figure ways of making better choices. personally, i’m still in a situation where pretty much anything can get associated with harsh triggers depending on stuff, so building things that are important is gently complex, and happens in a slow and emergent way
some thought on the danger of personalized media that build poor choices via compromised devices. there could be a lot of value to not engaging compromised devices and systems. this might mean really keying on indicators of compromise, and becoming skilled at asserting the importance of addressing that to people providing or responsible for them.
On 6/9/23, Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
Further thoughts include why the change in behavior developed, as well as what other behaviors and situations facilitated that, and how to include those complexities in addressing it.
I’m thinking there are maybe big categories here: - sensitized terror, triggers and experiences rooted in this - hypnotic/trancy persistence, loud false assumptions, repeated media - confusion, cognitive dissonance
thinking the second and third items there are pretty blurred together - personal internal trances (may also include personalized media without record) - coordinated or synchronistic behaviors of others (shifts one’s experiences and knowledge of agency and reason) - hypnotic engaging media (shifts focusing decisions towards stimulation patterns rather than choice) - external lies, disagreements, controversial news (taxes memory, brings assumptions into question, reduces normal habits for handling world) - internal conflicts, voices, etc (strengthens external impacts, can spread with and to other internal processes)
thinking on each external thing having an internal thing as we process, daydream, etc them, and how these internal things resonate and build with each other, and this resonating also happens externally. both externally and internally parts develop that attempt to direct other parts — either to sustain an important norm, or to strengthen the problem from attending to and considering it strongly.
what i mean by strengthening from attending is that some parts seem to listen to the problem and then support it, acting like a part of it. the various forms of the problem seem to often resonate with encouraging this, such as confusion+terror+media. meanwhile other parts speak against the problem, but the forms of influence these develop from and with seem quite different.
situations like terror and severe dissonance give areas of severe unsettlement where things can resonate and strengthen in unmoderated and often strongly defined ways
it’s notable that the personality of all this, because of how things build among each other, could be very different depending on the personalities of the people and parts impacted for example i have a complex personal coping strategy internally, that’s significantly impacted my experience from being present and becoming used in these various new stories and experiences. or, contrariwise, i used a mindfulness-like wilderness stalking habit to cope when things were really intense for me, and the aftermath of that has left meditation very hard and possibly impacted wilderness programs poorly
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Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many