There is another automated system that can control crowds of people.
Hi, Karl. Nice to meet you. I think you already know my name is Cecilia Tanaka and I hope this message can help you a little bit.
It's calming to meet you, Ceci.
When someone very cruel mentions my death, my temperamental health, or my physical fragility, saying I will die soon, I simply (try to) ignore. It happened last week again, when I was trying to help a person who wrote to the hackerspace begging for attention. It was unexpected and painful, but I do not care about dying. I only care about my loved ones. So I live pretty far from my family to keep them safe.
I do not expect either of us to die or suffer. I've been in touch with my family, which has been both very tense but also mutually supportive; maybe I should try harder to stay away. My parents seem to like the idea of kind of preparing for an eventual death in a way that supports their children.
When I am in a chaotical moment, when my body just wants to die, I use several alarms to keep me alive. Alarms for meals, for drinking water, for taking medicines, for taking showers, for sleeping, and also for waking up. You are the master of your body, so please keep it working in a satisfactory way.
I used to use alarms. They don't work for me anymore. But I have found that when I rely on my fears to push me ["eventually I must get so hungry and starved that I eat"], my body eventually steps up and gets me food or something. Generally faster than I've fasted for sport in the past (which is multiple days).
Remember: - You need hydration, food, and sleep to keep alive and sane. Please, try to keep your sanity. You will need it to destroy companies and governments in the future.
<3 Please nurture your wellness, too.
I love World of Warcraft, thank you a lot for your anonymous efforts. You love games. I think I have no many good things in this moment.
I have great memories of playing a night elf druid in that game. I like to discuss world peace, how to heal people who are in pain, how to thrive through situations that seem like emergencies, and how computer technology and/or human communities can both be used to do absolutely anything, too.
Hmm, I think I still have some cyberpunk games, like Orwell, but now it would not be healthy for you. It made me feel afraid of the future the same way like "COVID-1984". A pandemia was the perfect excuse to all the governments spy our activities and I do hate this horribly crazy dystopia.
I was involved in the national spread of mutual aid networks near the USA during the start of covid-19. It was pleasant to have a little support from the government to network anarchists together. Many of them were doing silly things like growing mushrooms when they used to be stimulating mass community action. Games are harder for me now because all my technology breaks and I hold it together with piles of improvised repairs and workarounds. But I'll look up Orwell; it's so nice to see things that pretend we can talk freely about danger and its solutions.
Do you like books, comics, movies, series, jokes, music, something I can (try to) get for you? Sorry, I don't know anything about you, but I want to help you to calm yourself. Already had very stressful moments and surviving to them alone is always hard.
Right now TV shows and community coding projects for the linux console in C/C++/nodejs/python, are what are easiest in my situation. Movies, games, and cell phone apps too. When I'm not experiencing something intense I work on a hobby AI, right now. Such things are for sharing with people who demonstrate wise compassion in a way that can grow.
Search for comfortable things. Comfy food, those easy foods to take like soups, yoghurt, sandwiches, etc; comfy drinks like no-caffeine tea, hot chocolate, pure water, fresh juices; and try to relax your mind reading, listening music, doing something that you really appreciate. Writing, drawing, painting, coding, having sex and/or masturbation...
Thank you. Please keep the same up. Try also new environments; pleasant new things can stimulate the nurturing of the mind. I like hugs.
Don't forget to sleep, please. It's very important. When I don't sleep, after three days, my writing and my memory become so confused, living is so strange... The sensation is scarier than you can imagine.
I can't know your experience. I've gotten used to the fun visions where sharp objects dismember me and I can't make my own decisions enough to act on it or even have consistent memories during it; I like to imagine it is like anarchic organizing rather than government control, of my thoughts and body.
Feel free to contact me in private and keep breathing, Karl. Just remember I am not online in all moments.
What do you dream of, Ceci? Everything is possible. I'll try to contact you unless you change your mind. Gmail is a little hard for me right now, I am better with text messages and face book and the linux terminal, and I haven't set up imap yet, because I get so excited about archiving my mail on a blockchain that I get confused. K
Hi, Karl... I will answer to you in private tomorrow. Sorry for being so late, but needed to visit the hospital because of a really strong and inconvenient migraine. My usual medicines didn't work and I was taking them since yesterday. :P Not a good thing, but I need to consider several facts. I had almost no sleep since the last Tuesday and my insomnia is a powerful trigger to migraines. That's the reason why I am always complaining about feeling sleepy too, hihihi... :) Well, I like hugs and snugglehugs, but only when I like the person who is hugging me. I try to avoid touching people who I cannot trust or like. Bad energies, unpleasant vibes... Please, do NOT stay away from your family. Never do it. I talk to my parents all the days and receive daily blessings when my day begins and when it is finished. It's very comfortable to receive their wishes of good days and good nights. I put some physical distance because my family needs peace. This way, I don't need to explain a lot of bad things and they are secure. Well, I don't use Facebook, sorry. Even my Twitter account is a bit paused. I only use it to say hello in private to some friends or just for lurking. I am avoiding conflicts. Hmm... Let's find a way to send messages for you. I need to find a way to make my Session account works better in my cellphone. I need to talk with a great friend there, but the app is still a bit unstable and I have some bad news for sharing. I keep my dreams in a secret piece of my heart, but I can tell you I love the sea, music, books, rain, storms, fire, blades, movies, comics/manga, animation/anime, bad jokes, puns... hahahahaha!!! ;D (Sorry, always laugh when I say "I love puns" because "puns" means "farts" in Portuguese. I don't like farts, hahaha!!!) I love so many things... Flowers, fruits, plants, animals, children, watching stars and the moon, sleeping without nightmares, traveling, knowing new places, visiting again the old ones... I love breathing. It sounds fool, but breathing well makes me very very happy! :D I love walking around, meditation, learning new interesting things, being alone... I always loved being alone since I can remember. I never feel lonely, but it doesn't happen with everybody, I know, so I like to annoy my friends too. ;) I love the complete absence of physical and emotional pains, but I don't know a word to name it. Maybe "peace"? :) I fall in love all the days. A puppy asking to play, a kitten purring, a new colorful flower, an interesting book, sweet people, kids playing, lovely songs, a comfortable tree... I like to hide myself in trees for reading and eating their fruits, hahaha!!! ;D I love potable water, ear plugs, sleep masks, taking baths and showers, and all the lovely smells. I also love my teddy bear. He was my Christmas gift when I was 5 years old and he still sleeps with me. Well, now you know almost everything about me. :) Good night, sweet dreams... Take care and be well, please! <3 Ceci, sleepy, zzzz... Sorry, strong pain killers.
Ceci, the things you say are so wonderful. Do you think it would be a good idea to stop headaches by inhibiting contraction of the veins when they happen? You love the Ocean? I also hesitate a ton when hugging people I don't trust. I actually don't recommend anyone to trust me right now. A lot can be exchanged in a hug. I have never talked with my family much. I like to be near people to have contact. I appreciate your message of nurturing. I'd recommend you to be physically near your family in a way that is safe for both you. I will contact my mother. It sounds like you have some bad situations that you believe could become worse when explained to your family. I'll look into Session. What kind of instability is on the cellphone app? I find everything can be fixed in some way. Does Session support airgapped/sneakernet communication in some way to resist pervasive nationstate trojan networks, like scuttlebutt, freenet, a blockchain, or gnunet? I keep my dreams in a secret piece of my heart, but I know they are incredibly obvious and the secretness is an important dance. I speak mostly english, computer-code, nature, some slavery, latin, leftism. Is Portuguese your native language? You love everything. I do too, but not as freely. I love the idea of calming situations of pain such that genocide turns into nurturing care. I see my heart sitting in the childrens' laughter, the stars, the glance from wildlife in the woods, the touches of deep understanding, the distant smells on the wind dancing the hair of a friend, waiting with infinite caring patience for me. I grew up alone; this seems how we relax for now.
I love the complete absence of physical and emotional pains, but I don't know a word to name it. Maybe "peace"? :)
Love growing love ... What do you think of making peace efficiently?
I fall in love all the days. A puppy asking to play, a kitten purring, a new colorful flower, an interesting book, sweet people, kids playing, lovely songs, a comfortable tree... I like to hide myself in trees for reading and eating their fruits, hahaha!!! ;D
What do you like to read and nourish with, in a tree?
I love potable water, ear plugs, sleep masks, taking baths and showers, and all the lovely smells. I also love my teddy bear. He was my Christmas gift when I was 5 years old and he still sleeps with me.
I have my old teddy bear [somewhere, shards of my heart]. I don't really like industrial things we place on ourselves but I use them all the time and can't leave them. Is your water clean? Be well, Ceci. It sounds like you painkillers were relaxing. K
Hey also my torture nightmares went almost completely away after a few years of striving to value their parts. Still relearning to sleep. It is wonderful to do so. No need to reply to this tiny e-mail.
For anyone else reading this thread, Ceci asked me to contact her privately. I read her e-mail at an unreasonable hour and sent her a message. She immediately stayed awake to talk with me, expressing concern for me and also mentioned she has severe persistent medical pain, sounding similar to the kind of severe pain people get from long-term physical injury. This morning I sent Ceci a very small video recording regarding a statement on possibly ongoing human trafficking. Unlike earlier, she has not replied to me at all. On Sun, May 3, 2020 at 9:21 AM Karl <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
Ceci, the things you say are so wonderful.
Do you think it would be a good idea to stop headaches by inhibiting contraction of the veins when they happen?
You love the Ocean?
I also hesitate a ton when hugging people I don't trust. I actually don't recommend anyone to trust me right now. A lot can be exchanged in a hug.
I have never talked with my family much. I like to be near people to have contact. I appreciate your message of nurturing. I'd recommend you to be physically near your family in a way that is safe for both you. I will contact my mother.
It sounds like you have some bad situations that you believe could become worse when explained to your family.
I'll look into Session. What kind of instability is on the cellphone app? I find everything can be fixed in some way. Does Session support airgapped/sneakernet communication in some way to resist pervasive nationstate trojan networks, like scuttlebutt, freenet, a blockchain, or gnunet?
I keep my dreams in a secret piece of my heart, but I know they are incredibly obvious and the secretness is an important dance.
I speak mostly english, computer-code, nature, some slavery, latin, leftism. Is Portuguese your native language?
You love everything. I do too, but not as freely. I love the idea of calming situations of pain such that genocide turns into nurturing care.
I see my heart sitting in the childrens' laughter, the stars, the glance from wildlife in the woods, the touches of deep understanding, the distant smells on the wind dancing the hair of a friend, waiting with infinite caring patience for me.
I grew up alone; this seems how we relax for now.
I love the complete absence of physical and emotional pains, but I don't know a word to name it. Maybe "peace"? :)
Love growing love ...
What do you think of making peace efficiently?
I fall in love all the days. A puppy asking to play, a kitten purring, a new colorful flower, an interesting book, sweet people, kids playing, lovely songs, a comfortable tree... I like to hide myself in trees for reading and eating their fruits, hahaha!!! ;D
What do you like to read and nourish with, in a tree?
I love potable water, ear plugs, sleep masks, taking baths and showers, and all the lovely smells. I also love my teddy bear. He was my Christmas gift when I was 5 years old and he still sleeps with me.
I have my old teddy bear [somewhere, shards of my heart]. I don't really like industrial things we place on ourselves but I use them all the time and can't leave them.
Is your water clean?
Be well, Ceci. It sounds like you painkillers were relaxing.
K
Karl, still alive, don't worry. No panic. I am almost immortal, I swear. More lives than 9 (nine!!!) cats together, do you remember? :) You can ask about my health and my several accidents in the local OAB, the Brazilian Bar Association. They usually call me "Highlander, the immortal", hahahaha!!! ;D About my pain... Well, sorry for scaring you, but now I need to tell something a bit embarrassing about me. Already suffered several accidents and ruined some points of spine and back having unusual habits and sex in non usual places. Example: - Years ago, I broke my coccyx while having sex with my fiance in the office stairs at night. He was pretty excited, and while still fucking me, threw me several stairs away, hahahaha!!! It was f*cking painful, but was so funny that I laugh until the hospital. Obviously, the doctor asked why I was almost naked and laugh more than me. Already fell of several trees, bushes, stairs, walls, etc, and suffered many accidents with skates, cars, robbers, stalkers, a lot of things... Broke and/or had several injuries in both feets, both legs, arms, fingers, spine, neck, head, some ribs, and so goes on... Now, my spine will need the fourth surgery because the pain is becoming unsupportive even for me. Usually, I am considered pretty resistant to pain for all my doctors. And all these pains, muscles tension, lack of decent sleep, and stress are causing strong migraines. I do hate opioids and their disgusting effects, but usual medication is not enough for controlling my physical pain in the moment. Sorry, I don't know to say it politely, but since yesterday, I am very busy disgorging everything, even my internal organs and soul. :P So, being sincere, I am trying to rest a bit, because I had fever and vomit, so I need to keep myself hydrated to avoid another physical disaster. And I am trying to discover what the hell happened with my wi-fi. I am using 4G for giving you some feedback. Please, try to relax. You are so stressed, boy. Remember my cellphone is not so awesome like me - hahahaha!!! - and sucks a lot. Much more than I already sucked something in my whole life, hahahaha!!! ;D Tender kisses and straight hugs. Just relax and be well, please. <3 Ceci
Cecilia, I've embarrassed you in public and am likely to do it again unless somebody can help me understand you better. You're living for so long with sorry it is hard for me to phrase this as always, severe persistent violent repeated ongoing breaking of your body that is incredibly incredibly empowering? It sounds so interesting. I am also not sure how to say this politely: It is normal to cry about such things, and for communities to rush to aid and protect the people to whom they happen. And this also I am not sure how to say politely right now: We need to model that some day, so that it will happen to ot Cecilia, although you may On Mon, May 4, 2020, 12:56 PM Cecilia Tanaka <cecilia.tanaka@gmail.com> wrote:
Karl, still alive, don't worry. No panic. I am almost immortal, I swear. More lives than 9 (nine!!!) cats together, do you remember? :)
You can ask about my health and my several accidents in the local OAB, the Brazilian Bar Association. They usually call me "Highlander, the immortal", hahahaha!!! ;D
About my pain... Well, sorry for scaring you, but now I need to tell something a bit embarrassing about me.
Already suffered several accidents and ruined some points of spine and back having unusual habits and sex in non usual places.
Example: - Years ago, I broke my coccyx while having sex with my fiance in the office stairs at night. He was pretty excited, and while still fucking me, threw me several stairs away, hahahaha!!! It was f*cking painful, but was so funny that I laugh until the hospital. Obviously, the doctor asked why I was almost naked and laugh more than me.
Already fell of several trees, bushes, stairs, walls, etc, and suffered many accidents with skates, cars, robbers, stalkers, a lot of things... Broke and/or had several injuries in both feets, both legs, arms, fingers, spine, neck, head, some ribs, and so goes on...
Now, my spine will need the fourth surgery because the pain is becoming unsupportive even for me. Usually, I am considered pretty resistant to pain for all my doctors.
And all these pains, muscles tension, lack of decent sleep, and stress are causing strong migraines. I do hate opioids and their disgusting effects, but usual medication is not enough for controlling my physical pain in the moment.
Sorry, I don't know to say it politely, but since yesterday, I am very busy disgorging everything, even my internal organs and soul. :P
So, being sincere, I am trying to rest a bit, because I had fever and vomit, so I need to keep myself hydrated to avoid another physical disaster. And I am trying to discover what the hell happened with my wi-fi. I am using 4G for giving you some feedback.
Please, try to relax. You are so stressed, boy. Remember my cellphone is not so awesome like me - hahahaha!!! - and sucks a lot. Much more than I already sucked something in my whole life, hahahaha!!! ;D
Tender kisses and straight hugs. Just relax and be well, please. <3
Ceci
On Mon, May 4, 2020, 22:49 Karl <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
Cecilia,
I've embarrassed you in public
Nah, relax. No unnecessary stress, please. You didn't embarrass me in any sense. I only laugh a bit, sorry! ;) and am likely to do it again unless somebody can help me understand you
better.
Sorry, nobody understands me better than myself. I am who I am, just it. :)
You're living for so long with sorry it is hard for me to phrase this as always, severe persistent violent repeated ongoing breaking of your body that is incredibly incredibly empowering? It sounds so interesting.
Oh, I always heal pretty well after my accidents, don't worry so much. Time, patience and a bit of care and - tcharan! - awesomely new again! :D I am also not sure how to say this politely: It is normal to cry about such
things, and for communities to rush to aid and protect the people to whom they happen. And this also I am not sure how to say politely right now: We need to model that some day, so that it will happen to ot Cecilia, although you may
Hmm... I think I lost some words here. Well, Karl, sorry for taking so many naps and also my "beauty sleep", but these medicines make me painless, but sick and pretty sleepy. I need to sleep while I can. After the surgery it will be very very hard to sleep in the first days and I will take three months for healing. Wolverine comics - muuuch better than all the Marvel movies! - always teached me to have sleep, food, and water while I can, because we don't know what will happen in the next minutes. So I do it since my early childhood. Usually, I almost don't sleep and my body hates it. Always is harder for healing and I need patience, but this time I think I will sleep and, with some luck, having no nightmares. Relax, please. You are more anxious than me when I am having a hardcore insomnia crisis. Listen to some music. Oh, I love the ocean... But will never try to have sex in the sea again. Almost died trying it. You know, I love breathing, hahahahaha!!! ;D Good night, boy. Sweet dreams. Ceci
It's so funny to be so scared of this thread and how it talks about things I've been exposed to =) Cecilia Tanaka
You didn't embarrass me in any sense. I only laugh a bit, sorry! ;)
Haha, I am thinking of how things respond to what is urgent and make cute errors when they are exposed to too much at once =) I want to nurture everyone to be well. Sorry, nobody understands me better than myself. I am who I am, just it.
:)
Wow =) It sounds like there are a lot of things you know that nobody else in the universe does? That's so incredibly cool. I know stuff that only me knows, but I think it's different kind of stuff. You're living for so long with sorry it is hard for me to phrase this as
always, severe persistent violent repeated ongoing breaking of your body that is incredibly incredibly empowering? It sounds so interesting.
Oh, I always heal pretty well after my accidents, don't worry so much. Time, patience and a bit of care and - tcharan! - awesomely new again! :D
I look a little badass because part of my face is permanently paralyzed. I had a bad surgery. Yours sounds to be much better. Badass means cool: feels like action movie hero Cool means cute: getting strength and respect (^_^ for me) ^_^ for me means hahaha: nurturing I don't know what feelings are in the words of your languages. It sounds like we are alone, I guess. I found this do you like it? Se estiver acordada no fim da tarde a gente passa aí pra te dar oi <3 Well, Karl, sorry for taking so many naps and also my "beauty sleep", but
these medicines make me painless, but sick and pretty sleepy.
Do you like questions? I like questions but am basically satisfied with how many I have. Here are some more for you if you like them: You look beautiful. Is this what you mean by "beauty sleep" being different from naps? Personally, I don't feel severe pain at all anymore, and often even bump my cute head because I don't feel the pain of bumping it! So, personally, I only take pain meds because I want the people who worry about me to be more okay. Is this the kind of medicine you mean or am I totally off base? I need to sleep while I can. After the surgery it will be very very hard
to sleep in the first days and I will take three months for healing.
I am so happy and relieved to slowly realize that you must have the needed experience with the surprising permanent changes of surgery. Wolverine comics - muuuch better than all the Marvel movies! - always
teached me to have sleep, food, and water while I can, because we don't know what will happen in the next minutes. So I do it since my early childhood.
The skunk bear who runs so much they can never stop running and isn't in this community are they? =) I have different kinds of friends who can rapidly heal their body with their mind, the way such animals seem to. I love them and I am hurting them. It is nice to think of them =) There are so many different ways to hack healing. Really I used to be a computer hacker who lived in the wilderness without food or medicine. It was so peaceful and freeing. I liked to practice not ever touching the ground, which really honestly felt like flying. Hack means to understand the inside workings so much that you can make anything you want, happen. This email community is a group of computer hackers. We talk badass but are caring and hardworking people. Personally I am not a member of this community at this time ^_^ Do you prefer hacking with electric nerve stimulation, wild poultices ...? Once I climbed to the very top of a tree and the tip broke off with me clinging to it! So I angled the whole tree by yanking with my body, to control the direction of break, and ended up on a nearby tree. Neurons were amazing things haha Peaceful and freeing ... maybe I should reread your replies a little. Usually, I almost don't sleep and my body hates it. Always is harder for
healing and I need patience, but this time I think I will sleep and, with some luck, having no nightmares.
Relax, please. You are more anxious than me when I am having a hardcore insomnia crisis. Listen to some music.
Wonderful. The things you tell me to do will likely help you. Please try to continue doing them. It is such a relief that I get more anxious than you. Oh, I love the ocean... But will never try to have sex in the sea again.
Almost died trying it. You know, I love breathing, hahahahaha!!! ;D
It's so cool that you hate drowning and such. We call fun rides like that "rape" in english, some talk like it's good and it's quicker to say, do you know of it? I might enjoy being drowned while fucked myself. Kinda kinky? I'd need loving preparation for it though or I wouldn't be expecting my death ^_^ Good night, boy. Sweet dreams.
Ceci
I am filled with love at your feet. Bliss
participants (2)
-
Cecilia Tanaka -
Karl