[crazy] smal thoughts on pressing govcorp targeting boundaries
canceled events, injured therapists, unanswered voicemails generally if i want to add a new formal event to my life, especially if it’s empowering or in-person, i have to jump through hoops and wait long delays. usually during the hoops and delays the people i’m trying to connect with can seem to get targeted as well. the delays can be attributed to missed messages, coincidental medical issues or other tragedies or sudden life changes, rescheduled venue constraints … and depending on the event they can also continue after the engagement, making continued connection hard. sometimes when i’m feeling extra limited regarding adding connections to my life or leaving the town or state or country i’m in, it can seem nice to find some way to establish a norm of something different. this is meaningful even just for my own psychology. what kind of things are reliable, and won’t get rescheduled — maybe big, popular events or gatherings? what kind of people can be easily reached without phone or email? what kind of events can be found without relying on digital and human updates …? what kind of places can i travel to, whether or not there’s an event there? …
an interesting addendum is that i’m usually feeling severely inhibited from doing anything at all, so it could make a lot of sense to go somewhere and do something. i may be often not missing much to do so.
the most recent cancellation a caving vertical practice. maybe it culd be nice to do things related to caving …
clarksville cave is a large public wild cave about 2 hours away from me that opens may 1. maybe it would be nice to visit it while it is closed http://www.necaveconservancy.org/clarksville-preserve/ https://www.heldebergworkshop.org/virtual-tour-of-clarksville-cave/ http://www.necaveconservancy.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Clarksville-Bind... . i’d get out of state and maybe talk to people to figure out where the closed entrance is. you know something is valid when the conservancy has public maps up online. i found of the cave with nss member publication access
On 4/28/23, Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many
clarksville cave is a large public wild cave about 2 hours away from me that opens may 1. maybe it would be nice to visit it while it is closed http://www.necaveconservancy.org/clarksville-preserve/ https://www.heldebergworkshop.org/virtual-tour-of-clarksville-cave/ http://www.necaveconservancy.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/Clarksville-Bind... . i’d get out of state and maybe talk to people to figure out where the closed entrance is. you know something is valid when the conservancy has public maps up online. i found of the cave with nss member publication access
comment here that when i say visit a closed cave i don’t mean entering it. cavers are like underground acrobats, they can be good at closing caves and you’d likely need to have comparable experience to enter a closed one. it would be much simpler to wait until may 1st if you want to enter. maybe this cave is not like others and can be entered when closed, i don’t know, but there is a fungus growing on bats that can be spread by humans that breaks down their body and grows mushrooms out their nose that is driving them extinct, so we’re not supposed to enter the protected caves off-season, although of course you get implicit exception if your life is in serious danger or such. -> there are other all-season caves <- . i was quite seriously thinking of just seeing the closed entrance and not entering, for a little psychological empowerment.
this appears to be an all-season cave from the same organization: http://www.necaveconservancy.org/bentleys-preserve/ this appears to be an easier smaller all-season cave where sometimes they say groups of size 2 could enter with permission: http://www.necaveconservancy.org/spider-preserve/ as written on the website, entering a cave is usually only advised with groups of size >= 3 for safety this cave has a cool vertical entrance: http://www.necaveconservancy.org/sellecks-preserve/
as i am a confused group of 1 i was planning to not enter the danger of entering as a group of 1 for me is mostly my nss membership, i don’t want to threaten this. i have a dissociated persona that could try to reveal i did this if i did. there are maybe states of mind where i could risk it, unsure. i imagine it’s fine to enter small backyard caves as a group of one
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Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many