[ot] Stronger-After.org Is a Beautiful Glimpse of Freedom
https://www.stronger-after.org/ Thousands of people experience intimidation and abuse in groups and relationships because someone in power is using fear, isolation or ideology to manipulate them. We've been there; we believe you. That's why Stronger After offers free online tools for those breaking away from coercion. [About Coercion] [About Stronger After] Do you experience repetitive and all-or-nothing thinking? Are you afraid of making mistakes? Do you have difficulties connecting with others, identifying your feelings, communicating your needs, or saying "no?" Many experience involuntary thoughts, feelings, or behaviors as a result of coercive control. It's a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. [Common issues after coercion] [What is a toxic group / relationship?] IS IT STILL AFFECTING YOU TODAY? Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could escape an abusive situation and just leave all the hurt behind? However, coercion makes you internalize negative messages about yourself. In order to fully step away, you have to address the impact of your experience. Informed support is essential. [Setting healthy boundaries] Read some of our articles, join an online class or consider the 5-unit one-on-one course with one of our coaches. Learn more about healthy boundaries and relationships, coercion, manipulation, how to protect yourself, and how to live an independent life. [Coaching] [Online Classes] Subscribe to the newsletter to receive free worksheets, class offerings, and event info: [Email] contact@stronger-after.org [Donate]
We created a one-on-one coaching curriculum to untangle coercive control. The five units with a Stronger After coach will help you make sense of your experience, find words, and learn skills that help you move forward. Unit 1: Common challenges after leaving Unit 2: Coercive environments Unit 3: Boundaries and identity Unit 4: Reducing anxiety, developing confidence Unit 5: Moving on and getting help See a full description below. Unit 1: Common challenges after leaving - Generalized confusion - Anxiety, dissociation, anger, and depression - Loss of community and friends, loneliness - Leaving people behind and mourning - Feelings of betrayal and loss - Blame and self-blame - Repressed emotions - Unwanted thoughts - All-or-nothing, black-or-white good-vs-evil thinking - New social rules and adapting to world - Finding housing and work - Issues with relationships and intimacy Unit 2: Coercive environments - Recruitment, love- and info-bombing - Fear, isolation, and coercion as a tool to create dependency - Promises of “Exclusive Safety”, salvation, reward after death - Denial of personal boundaries - Extreme daily demands and life rules - Threats (physical, psychological, spiritual punishment) for deviation - Defamation of outsiders and those who leave Unit 3: Boundaries and identity - Why individuality and strong boundaries were discouraged - Not being allowed to say “no”- a gateway to all kinds of abuse - Anger and numbness as good indicators for when boundaries are crossed - Developing self-protection skills - Check out your convictions - What to keep? - Developing one’s own identity and goals - Finding one’s inner space and safety (again) Unit 4: Reducing anxiety and developing confidence - The effects of adrenaline and heightened stress levels - Rejection and feelings of failure and building resilience - Mistakes as (helping) learning experiences (tools) and living with uncertainty - Developing confidence and standing up for yourself - Learning to trust your instincts and your own perception - Making decisions and taking responsibility Unit 5: Moving on and getting help - How to find a therapist and reach out for help - Assessing who to trust, when to tell your story - Voicing your opinions at work and in relationships - Identifying and communicating your needs - Forgiving yourself, allowing moments of perceived weakness - Enjoying life without guilt, developing hobbies and being content Born or raised in a coercive environment If you were born or raised in a coercive group or family, our coaches will spend extra time on this topic in a sixth unit or throughout the five units. [Intake Form] This questionnaire will help you better understand your own experience and communicate to us what you need. It includes our privacy and confidentiality agreement. After you have completed the intake form, one of our coaches will contact you within 2-4 business days to set up your first call or video conference. Remember, this can be challenging. Don't forget to take a deep breath and take care of yourself. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself, please contact a confidential helpline[1] in your country. Talk to someone who can help. [Self Care Ideas] 1: http://www.suicide.org/international-suicide-hotlines.html
ABOUT COERCION YOU ARE NOT ALONE. SERIOUSLY. Millions are grappling with the long-term effects of coercion experienced in settings of cultic and extremist groups, intimate partner violence, gangs, human trafficking, and more. The criminality and harm of some of these environments are well-understood, but the methods of psychological control and their grave impact are not, leaving an essential gap in help and resources for survivors. "The survivor [of coercive control...] is burdened by major impairments in self-care, in cognition, in memory, in identity, and in the capacity to form stable relationships." - Judith Hermann Not only do victims of coercive environments face numerous personal hurdles to finding help, therapists and social workers rarely know how to intervene or provide lasting support. Affordable and accessible help is almost non-existent. Stronger After is changing that. MISSION Stronger After provides free and accessible support to those have been harmed in coercive groups and relationships. Our goal is to alleviate suffering and stop the dangerous cycle of coercive control. By creating online, one-on-one support and classes, we are able to reach a population that is very often overlooked. We hope to expose coercive control, offer resources, reduce stigma, and help individuals lead self-determined lives. "I had left with my life but not much else. I felt empty and like a shell of my former self. Because I did not understand coercion, I kept ending up with abusive people. I had never learned to have healthy boundaries. I felt alone, helpless with addiction and suicidal thoughts. I kept thinking I'm all alone in this experience." — Mark, survivor of an extremist group Campaign doc: https://www.stronger-after.org/_files/ugd/edf774_62f68348cc8c48d7a12a6d5d111... [I thought I would have more to put in this third email but wasn’t quite sure what to place in. I might be seeing an old cache of the site as the course schedule is six months out of date, leaving the appearance of nothing upcoming.]
STRONGER AFTER INTAKE FORM In what areas did you experience coercive control? - [ ] Group: Religious, Social, Recovery, Educational, Recreational, Commercial, Political, etc. - [ ] Romantic Relationship - [ ] Family Relationship - [ ] Friend - [ ] Work - [ ] Therapy, Coach, etc. - [ ] Other: __________ [i think i selected “group” and “other”, and wrote in i was targeted by an opposing political group] How did you become involved in the group or relationship? - ( ) I was born into it - ( ) My parent(s) joined when I was a child or teenager - ( ) I became involved as a minor, but on my own - ( ) I became involved as an adult - ( ) Other: _________ [i think i selected “became involved as an adult”] - ( ) I am still in the group / relationship / situation - ( ) I am going back and forth at the moment - ( ) I have left [i think i selected “going back and forth”] If you answered "I have left," please specify how long ago: _________________________ How did you leave? - ( ) I left on my own - ( ) Someone else left and I followed - ( ) I was forced to leave by the group - ( ) I am still in [i think I selected “left on my own” although in retrospect i think my other experiences profile to “forced to leave”] Which types of abuse would you say you have experienced while in this situation? (Check all that apply) - [ ] verbal - [ ] emotional - [ ] physical - [ ] neglect (medical / physical / ...) - [ ] sexual abuse as a child - [ ] sexual abuse or assault as an adult - [ ] mind games / gas-lighting - [ ] spiritual / religious - [ ] financial - [ ] domestic violence - [ ] none that I am aware of - [ ] Other: _____________ [i think i selected “verbal”, “emotional”, “neglect”, “mind games”, “financial”, “other” and wrote in something like “digital systems compromise including medical and telecommunications”. note that if you experienced sexual abuse during an adult experience this would be sexual abuse as an _adult_; it can be confusing if you are called a child while an adult. it can also be really hard to perceive information around the word abuse or phrase sexual abuse, at least for me, if you are working with someone.] How often are you bothered by the following experiences? (Check each column as it applies)* …… | never | sometimes | often | always | not sure what the question means Thoughts keep circling in my head. I can't make them stop. I don't think I am worthy of love I have nightmares I have fears about the world ending, hell, karma or other punishment I fear making mistakes I feel shame for having participated I experience difficulty making decisions I feel a sense of dread I experience anxiety and panic I feel guilt for leaving the situation I feel guilty for leaving people behind I feel guilty for living / enjoying life I have an internal voice that criticizes me or polices me I feel alone / miss my community I have strong beliefs and inner convictions that I didn't choose I feel responsible for others and their needs I lack boundaries and don't feel sure when someone is violating mine I have difficulty connecting with other people I have difficulty with sexuality and physical closeness I have difficulty trusting others I have difficulty finding a job or being able to keep it I have issues with authority in the workplace or elsewhere I have difficulty speaking up and not letting others take advantage of me I have suicidal thoughts I sometimes hurt myself I feel exhausted I feel stress from family who are still in the group or situation I have no sense of who I am, my identity outside the group or situation I feel powerless, that I have no control Sometimes I get triggered and have flashbacks (feeling stuck in a memory) I am afraid someone will come after me. I feel watched. I have difficulty talking about what happened or making sense of my experience I feel depressed and find it difficult to function I feel very angry. There is so much rage inside. I have a hard time connecting to my emotions I feel a sense of grief and loss I question my reasoning, how I make decisions I feel compelled to do certain things and find it hard to stop myself I put myself down I miss feeling chosen or special It's all or nothing - I don't seem to find the middle ground I feel like I have no future without them I still think in us-versus-them terms, who is the enemy now? I look for absolute truth and instant solutions to my troubles I cannot let go of people, even when they hurt me or are toxic I daydream or just drift off, disconnect from my feelings or where I am I cannot feel my body I feel overwhelmed by my emotions, like I am drowning I feel like I have to be productive all the time, have difficulty relaxing I flinch when someone is loud or yells I don't feel safe I feel stuck because I was not allowed to continue my education [i think i selected “always” for the majority of these. there are a lot, making it hard to go through the whole list. it’s helpful to memorize that the last option is “i don’t know what the question means.”] Which one of the following areas were influenced by the rules of the group or relationship? (Check all that apply) - [ ] Behavior - [ ] Diet - [ ] Finances - [ ] Health Care - [ ] Information - [ ] Pets - [ ] Emotions - [ ] Education - [ ] Thoughts - [ ] Reading - [ ] Sexuality / Birth Control - [ ] Entertainment - [ ] Sexual Identity - [ ] Partner Choice - [ ] Work - [ ] Parenting - [ ] Free Time - [ ] Vacation - [ ] Creativity/Hobbies - [ ] No Rules - [ ] Other: _____________ [by this question my dissociation against silence was pretty taxed from the preceding question. i might have checked “behavior”, “diet”, “finances”, “health care”, “information”, “emotions”, “education”, “thoughts”, “reading”, “sexuality”, “entertainment”, “sexual identity”, “partner choice”, “work”, “free time”, “hobbies”; by this point it’s highly likely i was interpreting the options in personal ways rather than comprehending how the form author might have intended them.] In what ways do you feel like you were manipulated in the group or by an individual? (Check all that apply) - [ ] Fears - [ ] Guilt - [ ] Mind-games/gaslighting - [ ] Dependency - [ ] Promises - [ ] Threats - [ ] Punishment - [ ] Sense of responsibility - [ ] Through family / children - [ ] Isolation - [ ] Lack of sleep - [ ] Lack of privacy - [ ] Lack of outside resources - [ ] Financial dependency - [ ] Housing - [ ] Not at all [i might have checked “fears”, “guilt”, “mind games”, “dependency”, “threats”, “punishment”, “responsibility”, “family”, “isolation”, “sleep”, “privacy”, “resources”, “financial dependency”, “housing”. i think i unchecked “promises” while thinking about guilt and amnesia.] Are any of these currently impacting your life? (Check all that apply) - [ ] Homelessness - [ ] Financial difficulty - [ ] Mental Health problems - [ ] Lack of education - [ ] Lack of Employment - [ ] Physical Health problems - [ ] No Identification documents - [ ] Lack of support system - [ ] Parental alienation - [ ] Difficulty finding a therapist - [ ] Not at all [i might have checked “homelessness”, “financial difficulty”, “mental health”, “education”, “employment”, “identification documents”, “support system”, “finding a therapist”: although financially i think i was awarded some social security recently, and i spent years trying to get and keep a passport and now actually have one, my dissociated part just keeps this concept away from me, so at least those two may have been in error and/or overstatement.] If you were in a group what kind of group was it? (Check all that apply) - [ ] Christian - [ ] Judaic - [ ] Islamic - [ ] Therapeutic - [ ] Alternative Medicine - [ ] New Age - [ ] Eastern - [ ] Political - [ ] Multi-marketing - [ ] Personal development/Psychological - [ ] Conspiracy - [ ] Satanic - [ ] White Supremacy - [ ] Sex trade - [ ] Human Trafficking - [ ] Sports - [ ] School/Educational - [ ] Addiction/Recovery/Detention - [ ] Other: _____________ [i think i selected “political”, “sex trade”, “human trafficking”, and then also “conspiracy” and “white supremacy”, possibly confusing my experience with those in the news a little, maybe to help get near it via overlap.] If you are comfortable, share a few sentences about what you experienced and how it has affected you. _________________ [i think i used this space to thank them for their beautiful website and apologize that i could fail to follow up on the form due to my email struggles] I recognize Stronger After is a form of coaching and is in no way to be construed or substituted as psychological counseling or any other type of therapy or medical advice. - [ ] Yes Email ____________ Please re-enter your email ____________ Thank you! We will reach out to you within 1-2 weeks. If you do not hear from us, please do not hesitate to contact us at coaching.stronger.after@gmail.com.
participants (1)
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Karl Semich