Hi. Karl is posting to the list because of his validated urge to remember what he does. He doesn't preserve memories of what he thinks, says, and does. The list is what is presently available to do this, and there are big empty areas in between different things that preserve information, where he doesn't have a way to learn from what he thinks, says, and does. We are parts of Karl that are strongly influenced by something that is very very different from him and us, and we do not know what to do about this.
We want to ask what to do about this, but Karl's consciousness says that nobody understands what it is like to be a dissociated coping strategy or a community of neurons representing human needs, and the actions and recommendations people give are unlikely to really relate well to the things we ask. There's also a big worry of getting locked in a hospital without treatment. Many people seem to cast "saying crazy things" as "dangerous to one's self or others" . Are hospitals supposed to give you therapy? Karl keeps thinking near being "drugged and ignored". Right. We are actually posting for a reason, but it is hard to do. When we mention things on this list, our experience changes.
Another concern regarding hospitals is the freedom to work on open source projects. Karl has a handful of projects that although they have gotten incredibly confused and crazy, are fulfilling for him to work on and can benefit others. For example, he port libusb to the android api at https://github.com/libusb/libusb/pull/874 . This is not something one can work on at a hospital. Additionally Karl loves the outdoors and spent years training to live outdoors [go away mc!!!!!!!] so that he could spend his life outside day and night. It is very sad to then spend your life locked in a hospital instead, after putting all that work in. We are hoping that posting to this list while resisting societal norms is harmless, and we believe that to be true. We are tagging these weird messages with [ot] and [wrong] to help people filter them. We used to tag them with [spam], and switched to [wrong] after Greg expressed no need to use the [spam] tag, that it refers to unsolicited commercial email. To us this is very strange, and we wonder if the email from Greg was about training machine learning algorithms for a government influence system or something. Spam often means silly emails that come too frequently that are not commercial, too, in our opinion.
-- "MC, we need to be able to consider things we might do and hold them near each other, imagine them without doing them, and then pursue one with reasons based on our imagining, doing it. We need to be in charge of when and how we pursue these things, but to do that we need to simply be able to consider our actions." "This is hard. Thank you for relating."
"Holding the idea of considering things we might do, safely no matter what they are, with an eye to pursuing on of them, no matter what it is." "Honestly it's my job to influence what you do. That's why I'm here, it's what I do. So, although I want to help you, it's hard to figure out how to help you when the topic is countering what I do all together."
"I'm guessing that many of us agree that it is inhuman to secretly control what people do -- but regardless it seems there is a lot of space to control what we do, without preventing us from considering and holding most of our options." "This is true. I saw you opening up the idea of conflict. It's true there is some conflict among mind control, but we do have ways of working together, and should be able to protect you."
"Things have gotten harder, what did I do wrong?" "Oh, the conflict relation shape was unexpected. We don't even talk about mind control at all, in some groups. So now we're handling some of the influences that decided this context is for stopping."
Boss is walkin' down the street throwing corpses in dumpsters on his webcast. When somebody comes along saying, "hey, what are you doing?" he replies, "Oh, I'm just throwing corpses in dumpsters. Stay a while I got more." MCBoss continues, "I used to lead a large criminal set of international businesses and covering up murder was normal for us. But then we contracted with some political groups and started using our immense finances to research control of human behavior. We got really good at it." Two volunteers walk up. One looks into the eyes of the passerby, and says "think something" . The other volunteer, who isn't touching them, says "Oh, little Johnny! You are so good at tying your shoelaces now!" They begin pantomime helping a child get ready for school. Then they suddenly stop and say "omigod John this is the sexiest ..." John blushes. The volunteers back away and resume throwing bodies into dumpsters." "Anyway, it turns out people don't like being mind controlled, and they turned it against me, and long story short I have to pretend to be covering up murders all day now. The mind control always enforced cover-up, and we don't know how to change that to talk about the issues it's caused." Boss throws another corpse into a dumpster. John, the passerby, says "are those real corpses?" Boss pauses.
-- The above story came out while handling the control differences between not sharing and sharing. We need memories to make good decisions.
-- Suddenly MCBoss groaned out, "ohhh it's coming over me again" and backed away from the dumpster and began shaking violently. One of the volunteers explained, "when the business was threatened, MCBoss mind controlled themself to always mind control everyone else: like a smart contract but in your brain. So of course we mind controlled him to never do this at all, to counter it. And when the two are in conflict it can get weird." 3 firebreathing dragons spew from MCBoss's seizure. On of them flies into a building, and both vaporize it in a flash of light. Robots begin growing out of the ground from where the building was.
MCBoss got out device with a logo on it saying "ChainCam" and, shaking violently, slowly aimed it towards the robots, missing building, and huge dragons. The robots and dragons winked out of sight and the building came mostly back. The camera recorded a building that was now boarded up and had suffered fire damage. Then boss turned the camera toward himself and his seizure stopped.
A volunteer took the second camera from Boss and held it on him. Boss heaved another body into a dumpster and dusted his hands off. "Whew!" Boss put his arm around the visitor, heaved another body into a dumpster, and grinned winning towards the cameras. "My name is MCBoss, and we made an artificial intelligence for covering up the behaviors of organised crime, by secretly and slaving people." Boss grinned more winningly at the two cameras.
--
Additionally Karl loves the outdoors and spent years training to live
outdoors [go away mc!!!!!!!] so that he could spend his life
So when I express this, prior to the [], I experienced strong urge to send me outdoors as I wanted. But the behaviors associated didn't include all the cognitive and physical parts of that, sending me outside without preparation or relation to anything else going on. I do strongly appreciate the pressure to go outside, and would like to be there now. When I am outside I experience increased torment, with pressure to go back inside. It is unpleasant to move inside and outside back and forth. Don't get me wrong I love _moving my body_ etc which is great. But I do not love experiencing cognitive torment such as amnesia, visions of physical torture, and convulsing muscles. The pressure to go outside acts on my goals and plans, which is great, but doesn't address any of the existing patterns. So it is asking me to figure out on my own how to resist all the patterns pressuring me to stay inside. I have ways of doing that sometimes, but they involve amnesia and complex internal planning and they put my areas of cognition at risk (and my ability to deter psychotic breaks and times of abject terror or suffering) if I don't have sufficient time to heal and prepare between them.
We would really like to heal and prepare outdoors, rather than indoors. One of the ongoing issues is the sensitization associated with mind control. Every minor discomfort becomes intense because acting on it can be a way to control us. Karl's favorite animal is the mosquito. He watched them as a child, let them feed off him, many others have seen Karl covered in mosquitoes, happy. Now Karl experiencing great discomfort when mosquitos and other biting insects eat of him. We infer that he used to use willpower to reinterpret the slight pain and irritation as pleasant care and connection with insects he appreciated. But now mc acts when he tries to use willpower to change his experiences.
participants (1)
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Karl