[ot][spam][random][crazy][personal] about considering relating with police again
some people in law enforcement are very helpful. e.g. human trafficking rescuers generally have contacts in law enforcement. i hear (and have experienced) that it can also be very dangerous to work with law enforcement. here is quote from notes thought slightly on: re support workers ignoring concern for example, amazon was hiding products from us we took a screenshot, but screenshot would not reach support worker when problem described they said could not help but could "leave window open for somebody else to find". stuff like that is all around us but we get terrified and amnesiatic. very hard to collect. have also experienced ssl certificates that have changed, and websites that look different from different machines.
karl was a murder suspect (once? still?) and was thinking that maybe this explained some of the "mind control" he could have experienced: other people responding grossly to his subtle behaviors. if a murder detective were working with facebook, to monitor what people respond to for example, that could make it make more sense that following somebody or clicking "like" on facebook would result in them physically approaching you, in a reliable way.
it's very hard to come clean about murder because the person we killed was a slug. a small animal. sometimes we consider killing a real human, to make automated-gaslighting stop.
for casual readers unfamiliar with immediate situation, i did contact local police. i asked for help sorting out expereinces to report them to police. they referred me to therapist. therapist does not like talkinga bout anything to do with police ;p says other strange things, and behavior of memory is strange. got excited on topic of "wanting to kill people", wanted to really dive in, really weird. i said phrase trying to express intensity of experience of torturous coercion. expresses strong desire of being respectful but very strongly struggles to live that desire, very hard for him. e.g. has norm of interrupting me before i express point, does most of the talking. more recently he seems interested in talking about past instead of forgetting it, which was how he replied usually when i said want to talk about past thing with police. is hard for me, very hard, psychotic flashbacks.
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Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many