[ot][spam][crazy] want to move roadkill off road
i want to move roadkill off road i appreciate opportunity to value this it just feels too meaningful, although i don't remember why, and that's a huge theme. lots of amnesia-around-core-things. it's very hard to do this, in a way that has continued and adapted. i want to sacrifice money for efforts that might value these things instead. i hope this can help my behavior change. if [boss-identity] is on board with donating money to causes, maybe could be on board with defending these living beings .... maybe is! idea around: each blade of grass is sentient, so we get used to living among death, as every species does, and we give respect for the death that happens. it is nice to look for ways to change large scale behaviors causing a lot of death. this is important to do when in an area where many are dying.
it's strange to me the dead dear was more impactful than smaller roadkills. i want to move small roadkills off the road too.
this is too much for us today, we had torture part last night, new shape/structure
the money habit is established from previous behavior of killing insects by taking over body, severe sacrilege, karl spent life defending insects
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phone bot says the tx was denied for security concerns says to update my account info or try another method of payment
he is taking extra time to look into the proxied codes from 72975 :) interesting while google voice was loading slowly this number, 72975, shows as a 1-8xx number instead of a shortcode. then when i navigated away and back it was 72975. i didn't see the rest of the number.
i asked him if his culture was surviving or if america was taking it over, he said he had no reply to that he said his specialist said 72975 is also a paypal number in addition to 729725. i didn't ask about the 8xx number.
the next plan is to move the deer off the road, [and to buy some tobacco for giving future animals :)]
i did this things. when i got back my workarounds to access the internet [had stopped functioning]. future animals is now my challenge.
mc put amnesia around how used to do [likely associated with inhibiting doing it] it’s hard. sacredness-in-every-moment heavily/repeatedly harmed by mc in past […] […]
it’s notable we used to not do this when it would burden others who wouldn’t appreciate it; we’d keep it private. picked this up from childhood responses. lots of people have that experience
some cry a little for being able to cry. tears regarding real experiences precious, tear-parts. [emotions were associated with portland maine where they pulled from human feelings to roleplayed things for the computer social ai]
we love animal spirits by side of road. it’s hard to hold, what do with difficultyness?
it’s hard to move my body. i have to do a lot of things to move it. [but you move fingers to type]. true. maybe part of me is [paranoid regarding strength/number of cells activated ???]
{also we are really used to typing. it’s easier when happens a lot. makes sense to start gently. mistake label on this and last post.}
On 7/23/23, Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
it’s nerve binding/damage :) our behaviors make unexpected things happen.
[some say this is boss/mc-group, clenches around most things, then nerves learn and bind a little :S could unlearn i think]
today i met a little bird upside-down at the side of the road but they were breathing, and their eye moving around red or blood by their butt i remembered again from my 6th grade biology how birds could have brain damage when striking something, but unlike other animals had evolved to fully regrow their brains i picked them up, very warm, no change in movement much when i lifted them. breathing hard. eye moving, maybe looking at me. i carried them to under a bush, and moved a pricker vine some to make it easier for them to fly off safely if they came to more when i put them down they moved themselves quickly once, flipping themselves over, and i placed them down feet toward the ground, mostly only their camouflaged back exposed rather than their bright white breast camouflaged back all mostly exposed
I passed a dead animal today while handling an [edge mind control situation, where dissociative coping strategies collapse and problems queue up] that is still somewhat going on. [been engaging torture edges for some days, am on the upside.] {I did not move the dead animal off the road yet.}
<i've been using food reward to exercise and that's my priority and i haven't eaten yet today and hope to in a little bit. we have a longer term priority of organizing the car that is nearer than usual. it's quite valued. there are a few too many pressures going on, and it's hard to remember basic things to meet them without worsening.>
<i would like to donate to a group rather than moving the animal, because of all the difficulties and clashing different nearby states of mind. it's hard to isolate one. because you express pain near donating, i plan to reduce the donation, assuming that posting here is helpful toward making it easier to do things i value that use willpower.>
<we experience animals as people. the reconstruction is not quite right, but it's still wonderful to have. [-- given already holding other dissociations, is hard to be near pain
<basically i don't want to worsen the clash but i'm confused, and it looks like not all the confusions will resolve [because of the norm of mind control, mutating processes to meet goals [[[ideally we would reduce this norm so our processes can heal and we can regrow some behavior ease
On 8/13/23, Karl Semich <baffo32@gmail.com> wrote:
<basically i don't want to worsen the clash but i'm confused, and it looks like not all the confusions will resolve [because of the norm of mind control, mutating processes to meet goals [[[ideally we would reduce this norm so our processes can heal and we can regrow some behavior ease
to clarify when i try to hold sometihng and let it heal, sometihng else comes in and tries to make something happen with it. not safe for mind parts.
i don't know what animal i saw today i was stressed, so stressed. i didn't realize how stressed i was. how hard it was to move this animal, to even consider doing this, shows how our stress is killing people in masses, across the world. living humans, working factories or fleeing oppressions, and also millions of non-human life, like the dead animal i passed
i'm feeling that others are having too much stress too so if i'm placing any pressures here, i state i pull them back
i need to be able to hold my mind parts without them mutating me i hold my goal of donating-against-the-wishes-of-influence alongside my desire to relax without parts of my mind without them mutating and moving to mutate or influence
this was stated poorly, and is very hard to do i value the small time where the mutation reduced i still have an issue where it spawns and searches aggressively for advantage
i need my mind to have ease. i am hearing the search for advantage is all that is understood. is there a way this search for advantage can be met without the things i experience as harm, the mutating of me? can maybe these values have pursuit without risking mutation of my inner parts? is it possible to recognize that, as a being with possible free will, i could make deciisons of my own that could support the values of others? please recognize it is physically possible for me to choose, of my own, things that you support.
we're noticing there's a lot of habituality to the things, that they kind of do their thing when let alone
i'm tense because i'm holding this conflict in small habit spaces looking for a way to be able to move little ideas around without something urgent suddenly mutating them often call this relaxation
participants (2)
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Karl Semich -
Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many