It could be fun to continue the story about the friend who exchanges gifts, but right now I am trying to code while believing I am not. Current bug: added simple range interpolation to handle functions with bigger derivatives than the inverse of the bucket size, and I'm getting 0's where the answer should be and nan's where it shouldn't. Reviewing my code I find many other new bugs in my implementation, not yet causing an issue. Fixing some. Haven't found the one making the nans yet. Raises the importance of simulation. Not sure where I'm at right now. I apparently have a gab window opened, and just compiled without installing. The test assumes it's installed. I'll install and restart the gab run. It's 06:58 new york time, 2021-06-03 . Oh, I think I remember the kind of thing I'm doing. I run through the proportions to hunt down where the nans are coming from using the debugger, fixing other errors as I encounter them. I just added code to skip areas with 0 density related to the edges of buckets and data regions lining up. I try to get things stable then reduce and organise a little more. I'm back to working on it! But the behavior is associated with keeping this composition window open, so I'll do that for a bit. It's 7:03 . A squirrel alarm pattern has been going on near me. I've stopped working after setting a better breakpoint, and I have an urge to check the list for posts. I check the list archives and see I'm the last who posted. Relates posting fiction. It's 7:08 . Returning to work. Suddenly hungry. Urge to leave. It's still 7:08 . Getting confused. It's 7:09 . I've restarted the debugged process and it hit the earlier breakpoint I set. Disabling inefficient breakpoint. It's 7:10. I continued the process and suddenly I am right where the nan would be generated. Woah! This issue was so hard to consider. It's great to see what causes it. I worked with the code a bit and have not found the error yet. It's 7:17 . I am suddenly leaving to eat, without planning to. It's a struggle to take my computer with me, going indoors to have breakfast with my mother. When she doesn't see me eating, my mother seems to think that I am not eating at all. It's 7:18 . It's 7:19 . I broke my laptop's power cable, unplugging it. I gripped at the wrong spot, for the first time. It's 7:20 . My phone's battery is at 15%. It's 7:21 . I take water with me everywhere I go to reduce possible cancer from drinking wild water. I left my water bottle in the truck where I was working, and it takes engaging flashbacks of torture to enter and leave the truck. I have another bottle out here, to take when I make this error, so I don't have to re-enter my truck. The flashbacks are not associated with the truck specifically, more whether or not I engage willpower. It's 7:24 and I made an error I often make. My mother is still sleeping. She doesn't wake until after 8. I am suddenly and mysteriously hungry, but it is too early. The hunger reduces writing that, but I start losing control of my muscles when it does. I feel frozen. I know from my experiences consciously sleeping, that when you are asleep and somebody walks near you, your subconscious attends to the pattern of footsteps to protect you. My mother is snoring, but I know she is sleeping less soundly and getting less rest, because I am near. She gets little rest because her two dogs strangely bark all night. It's 7:26 and I am struggling against muscle spasms to leave the building so as not to wake my mother. It's 7:28 . I'm back at my truck. The goal is to finish debugging. I haven't entered it. I'll take some time to fix the power cable. I've started using wire screws for everything -- they make fixing fast and easy. It's 7:30 and I've fixed my power cable. I feel it's time to choose where to lose control of my body, and I pick the truck so the computer doesn't get wet if it rains. It's 7:31 and I'm back in the truck. Rather than laying down and having seizure-like experiences, for which there is no room here, I plug the computer back in and for once try to resume work despite having an appetite. Also, I have some things to eat here, believe it or not. I can move my body better than usual. I'm typing this on a blackberry android phone that my father gave me. Unlike his, mine often ignores my input or pauses for long periods, but for both of us google pay refuses to allow payment via paypal. It's 7:34 but rather than working, although my laptop is powered and open now, I am considering writing about cryptocurrency. 7:35 . I'm at the debugger again. I get chest and abdomen contractions when I try to engage it, which is normal for me at this point. Etc etc. It says "return result" . Now I remember .. I have a breakpoint there. Result is "nan" sometimes. Rather than setting a conditional breakpoint, I plan to keep hitting continue until I see the nan. Conditional breakpoints fail more often than normal breakpoints, I worry. I get a lot of debugger errors. Oh, now I remember. The result is always a nonnegative rational. It must be the calling code that makes the nans. It's 07:38. 07:39 I found a nan in the debugger! I mutate my code to make it a separate variable, so I can see the value reliably in gdb. 07:41 I'm building the mutated code and my inner decision process changed in a difficulty way. I have to kind of internally find new ways to direct my body near the computer. I keep having forms of amnesia when I engage steps in the task. Moving my hands ways I planned feels like pushing against a strong current, like something is tugging them the other way. It's 07:43 and my code just hit a breakpoint. I'm pretty sure I rebuilt with a change but not sure if this is the new run or the old. I rerun it. It was a new run. I ran it again; moving the breakpoint and ... I'll want to set the breakpoint to the next line after making the change. I'm much less hungry! The next line will be the line number one more than where it just stopped. 282 + 1 is 283 It's 07:45. I'm moving on debugging. When I type commands, my hands type different words that start the same as them, and I have to type them again correctly. I displayed 282 instead of the value becoming nan. It's in a variable called "factor", named because I don't remember what the meaning of the code is, and it was used in a multiplication. " display factor" I see double while working. It takes effort to make my eyes converge, so I usually let them look in unrelated directions, aiming only one at the code. It's 7:48 . Once I talked with an eye doctor about this. They gave me lenses that aligned my eyes. I tried the lenses on, and it was such a huge relief to see clearly without effort. Then I took the lenses away, and my eyes converged on their own, via engaging the effort as if by itself. The doctor decided not to write me a prescription for the issue, because I no longer tested to have it. It's 7:50 and factor is nan !! It's even slower to type this while debugging, this email. The nan factor is happening because a variable named max_population is zero. I don't know why this would change from the code I added, I must be really ignoring something important. It's 07:52 . Finding that max_population is zero is a huge milestone in this tiny debugging process for me. I thought I already skipping when that was zero. It's likely important, whyever this not being skipped is related to me trying to add ranges to the buckets. I'm sending the email because of the max_population milestone ... maybe. Maybe I'll just sit here, and be confused. I'm hungry, but the food here doesn't satisfy me. I have a desire for food indoors, in front of my mother. But she's likely asleep. So then I can kind of dissociate from the urge and it might make my limbs jerk around for a while. Not sure. It's a rough spot. I don't want to really write while going through this whole thing, because it leaves me so vulnerable and writing takes willpower. I'd rather skip it or describe a coping strategy. Thinking about the code. Having some sudden pain near the sides of my abdomen and the muscles of my belly, which is normal for me: I get pain all over my body in response to urges and thoughts I have, my brain is all randomly wired now. Code is a relaxing. Easy to do. Issue relates max population. My right hand seems suddenly cold and sore. Maybe it would be nice to wear an eeg device again. Eeg is fun and safety-inducing. -- Please wear EEG. You are confused, but you want to wear the EEG device. Here is a demonstration of the urge to not wear it. It is completely fake. You want to wear this. -- It's true, I do want to wear it, but I am going through a major coping strategy and I've memorized to grow an ability to work on some debugging, not put an eeg device back on. Now we open a dialogue between roleplayed urges. It's my job to do both voices, and it's very hard to do. It's 07:59 - Urge: We are here to help you and need your help doing so. Please keep speaking with us to defend our reason. Karl-rep: I can try. Urge: We have energy, honestly - -- My phone powered itself writing above. It's 08:05. Phone started booting at 2% battery, finished with 4% battery, and is now at 3% . My debugging is confusing to me. Sending this spam.