[ot][spam][crazy] karl has stopped eating food
some time ago i posted to this list i was having trouble eating. i think it was during the crazy posts around my interaction with cecilia. after that post, i began eating again. i was using eating this past couple months to help me with other tasks. i didn't want to eat quite as much as i was, but i found a way to make it so incredibly helpful. i have now stopped eating again, and the other tasks these were basic tasks, like making a todo list, or taking a shower. thank you for your aid these past months and years. i have had nothing but 1 meal in the last three or four days. i know humans are fine for a week without food. due to my dissociation and historic experience with fasting, this isn't very uncomfortable for me. hunger is a small feeling compared to other things. i'll try to write here when i eat until i resume.
2022-06-09: I am having a meal and I expect to continue having them for now. Thank you.
On Thu, Jun 9, 2022, 4:58 AM Karl Semich <0xloem@gmail.com> wrote:
2022-06-09: I am having a meal and I expect to continue having them for now. Thank you.
I did not have further meals after this. I had two spoonfuls of food later yesterday. The inhibition is associated with just thinking about taking a shower of any kind.
I got hungry around 548 this morning in a way where i followed through and began pursuing breakfast. This happened again while I was working with arweave erlang code. By the time i had made food, a lot of my hunger had left, but i kept on anyway. 3 meals in 3 days. 1 meal a day is sufficient, I think, so maybe I'll assume i'm good so long as i keep having breakfast.
I did not eat yesterday. [I am also training the patch generation "code fudge" in a slow way.] It is hard to move away from the "code fudge".
i am happy that i have been eating. as winter comes i would like to eat more than just 1 meal a day. i’d like to have 3 meals on some days, and at least 2 on most. i’m 149 pounds and i think a good winter weight would be maybe 168 .
i’m having some trouble eating again. i last ate a couple days ago. my weight is still 144 and i am six feet tall. it was higher earlier though, i had a good stretch. i’m really tense and having my issues worse, after telling some things to a new therapist whom i’m traveling to and from some distance to see, and trying to read the handbooks for my potential internship regarding learning to teach wilderness skills. i’ve canceled the internship to ease the pressure. the therapist is the first one i’ve started seeing specific for the larger category of experiences i have. it feels like most of this severe tension may be from this. right now i am in a dissociated coping state where i am carefully managing myself to not stimulate experiences similar to a psychotic break or a seizure or a ptsd flashback. i’d just like to have a meal, and after sharing this i think i can. thank you,
I have not eaten nor drank water nor moved much recently today. I am pretty scared. It feels different. It was hard to get to this email. It’s hard to imagine calling for help. I’m not sure where my phone is either.
It's 0440 on Dec 3. I am thirsty and would like to get water. I suspect I last ate Dec 2.
I displayed my two emails to my laptop webcam and I am feeling less suffering after doing that. I also sat up, which impresses me. I am still thirsty. I would like to stand up and find water. Although honestly it is nice right now just to be happier and less scared!
This building has lost power. The wifi I am emailing from has a small backup battery.
I have been eating recently. I have not yet eaten today. I would like to eat more frequently. Things have been more confusing and I am still adjusting.
Hi Karl - please continue to eat three meals a day and not to many carbs. Glad you are eating now and feel better - Your boss rooty ------- Original Message ------- On Thursday, December 29th, 2022 at 7:57 AM, Karl Semich <0xloem@gmail.com> wrote:
I have been eating recently.
I have not yet eaten today.
I would like to eat more frequently.
Things have been more confusing and I am still adjusting.
rooty i wanted to thank you for the job it has been pleasant working for you i spent a lot of time trying to find work like this this winter i would like to report that i have been eating 3 meals a day ever since your request recently things have been changing for me. i’ve been finding bits of therapy and starting to talk about things just a very tiny bit. not sure if anyone is hearing it. but these tiny things like trauma-informed meditation and self-resonance, or just starting internal family systems, they seem able to really turn things upside down for me, it is like “woahhhhh” i thought this would never happen, and i’m just vaguely at the start of it. i don’t how to hold my parts or realities. in some ways, i’m not taking as good care of myself. maybe because it’s surprising to learn you’re someone different than you thought. habits and hypnotic processes and past coping strategies seem to fall by the wayside some as i adapt to these strange new feelings. i wish it was all more transparent and forthright and rational and easy. i still need an advocate and a deprogrammer. over the past few weeks i’ve been eating less regularly. sometimes i have “3 meals a day” by having one meal twice in a row. today i had breakfast at lunchtime. my states of mind moved around while writing this, which i didn’t quite expect, and now i’m not certain i needed to send it. hope you are all well. likely i might have two suppers tonight to sort the 3/day goal out. part of me is frustrated. thinking of quitting the job and working on my own for a bit. the coldest parts of winter seem over but i never got my weight up much. it’s been fun though! really really inspiring! rooty was a good boss to give me this work On 12/31/22, ytooR <Arpspoof@proton.me> wrote:
Hi Karl - please continue to eat three meals a day and not to many carbs. Glad you are eating now and feel better -
Your boss rooty
------- Original Message ------- On Thursday, December 29th, 2022 at 7:57 AM, Karl Semich <0xloem@gmail.com> wrote:
I have been eating recently.
I have not yet eaten today.
I would like to eat more frequently.
Things have been more confusing and I am still adjusting.
I want to relate that I need this job and will definitely keep performing the tasks. I am very sorry for my brief moment of complete insanity.
Sent with Proton Mail secure email. ------- Original Message ------- On Friday, February 24th, 2023 at 12:35 PM, Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
rooty i wanted to thank you for the job it has been pleasant working for you i spent a lot of time trying to find work like this this winter
i would like to report that i have been eating 3 meals a day ever since your request
recently things have been changing for me. i’ve been finding bits of therapy and starting to talk about things just a very tiny bit. not sure if anyone is hearing it.
but these tiny things like trauma-informed meditation and self-resonance, or just starting internal family systems, they seem able to really turn things upside down for me, it is like “woahhhhh” i thought this would never happen, and i’m just vaguely at the start of it. i don’t how to hold my parts or realities. in some ways, i’m not taking as good care of myself. maybe because it’s surprising to learn you’re someone different than you thought. habits and hypnotic processes and past coping strategies seem to fall by the wayside some as i adapt to these strange new feelings. i wish it was all more transparent and forthright and rational and easy. i still need an advocate and a deprogrammer.
over the past few weeks i’ve been eating less regularly. sometimes i have “3 meals a day” by having one meal twice in a row.
today i had breakfast at lunchtime. my states of mind moved around while writing this, which i didn’t quite expect, and now i’m not certain i needed to send it. hope you are all well.
likely i might have two suppers tonight to sort the 3/day goal out. part of me is frustrated. thinking of quitting the job and working on my own for a bit. the coldest parts of winter seem over but i never got my weight up much. it’s been fun though! really really inspiring!
rooty was a good boss to give me this work
On 12/31/22, ytooR Arpspoof@proton.me wrote:
Hi Karl - please continue to eat three meals a day and not to many carbs. Glad you are eating now and feel better -
Your boss rooty
------- Original Message ------- On Thursday, December 29th, 2022 at 7:57 AM, Karl Semich 0xloem@gmail.com wrote:
I have been eating recently.
I have not yet eaten today.
I would like to eat more frequently.
Things have been more confusing and I am still adjusting.
That's great news Karl. In order for anyone to survive we all need to eat. Could the feelings that you are experiencing that you are in love with me? I'm looking for a kind, caring and compassionate significant other - Be kind! Your friend Rootu
thanks for your friendship and bossness rooty i need to look for significant others that i might spend time with physically i’m afraid. if you are working on any software projects this is also interesting as well. i have love for everyone but struggle to guide my body, thoughts, and behavior. what is your life like?
i do love be8ng kind caring and compassionate i am again sad to have introduced a negativity
Could the feelings that you are experiencing that you are in love with me? I'm looking for a kind, caring and compassionate significant other -
it took me a bit to figure out what you were referring to. to clarify here i meant the feelings plainly. it is mind boggling and scary and needed and confusing to consider integrating a dissociated identity formed in trauma. i have seriousness around how personal that is. if people plan to influence me in that space i would strongly appreciate direct requests so that i can manage my own experience there. i do appreciate your expressions of friendship. be well.
i have seriousness around how personal that is - Hi Karl - I didn't mean to offend you in any way. I was just expressing my feeling to you. I have been dealing with pegasus attacks on my cell phone and not sure what to do. Maybe I just need to dispose of it. Your friend Rooty ------- Original Message ------- On Monday, February 27th, 2023 at 12:05 AM, Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
Could the feelings that you are experiencing that you are in love with me? I'm looking for a kind, caring and compassionate significant other -
it took me a bit to figure out what you were referring to. to clarify here i meant the feelings plainly. it is mind boggling and scary and needed and confusing to consider integrating a dissociated identity formed in trauma.
i have seriousness around how personal that is. if people plan to influence me in that space i would strongly appreciate direct requests so that i can manage my own experience there.
i do appreciate your expressions of friendship.
be well.
i have seriousness around how personal that is -
Hi Karl - I didn't mean to offend you in any way. I was just expressing my feeling to you.
:)
I have been dealing with pegasus attacks on my cell phone and not sure what to do. Maybe I just need to dispose of it.
I’m interested in this topic and am worried I could complicate a dangerous situation with my confused weirdness. I have a little technical experience near the area and imagine others who used to frequent this list have much more. I also have a very severe personal situation with issues with my devices.
i’ve gotten used to eating 3 times a day and it’s time for supper but i don’t seem to be having it quite yet i am sorry for pooping in your list :S
i really liked the 3 meals a day influence when i was trying to gain wait and am holding this influence now. i seem to have some disconnection associated with engaging openai’s oppressive language models.
i’ll plan on having two breakfasts if i miss supper. thank you for your efforts of life.
participants (6)
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Karl Semich -
Maria Brown -
Rooty
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Undescribed Horrific Abuse, One Victim & Survivor of Many -
Undiscussed Groomed for Male Slavery, One Victim of Many
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ytooR