Contents Acknowledgements PART ONE Setting the scene P1.1 Introducing the Roadmap P1.2 What else is in this Workbook? P1.3 Why this Workbook on this subject? P1.4 Based on ‘Post-Cult Counselling’ P1.5 Equipping yourself P1.6 Navigating the Workbook P1.7 Telling your story into the Workbook P1.8 Challenges and triggers P1.9 If the Milestones don’t seem to fit P1.10 All coercive, cultic and spiritually abusive settings P1.11 All generations P1.12 Others’ stories to help you recognise yours P1.13 Take your time and pace yourself P1.14 A word about emotions P1.15 What if you need support? P1.16 What does recovery look like? P1.17 Your chosen destination PART TWO Who am I? P2.1 Joining P2.2 Life in P2.3 Leaving – in stages P2.4 Life now PART THREE Preparing for the journey P3.1 Looking after yourself P3.2 Consider your starting point before you set off PART FOUR The Walking Free journey Region 1: Leave physically so you can begin to recover psychologically Milestone 1: Leaving physically M1.1 If you have not left physically or have returned M1.2 What leaving looks like M1.3 Describing your experience of leaving M1.4 Culture shock and feelings about leaving M1.5 Finding your ‘tribe’ M1.6 Beware of cult hopping M1.7 Decision-making – on leaving or at any time Region 2: Leaving psychologically Milestone 2: Face your doubts M2.1 What are doubts? M2.2 Experiences of doubt as a member M2.3 Remembering your doubts as a member M2.4 Facing doubts about leaving Milestone 3: Diagnose your group or relationship M3.1 Types of groups and relationships included M3.2 Continuum of ‘safe enough’ to abusive M3.3 Call a cult a cult M3.4 Spiritual or religious abuse M3.5 What is coercive control? M3.6 Where did your cultic setting sit on the continuum? M3.7 What is the overall diagnosis of your group or relationship? Milestone 4: How confluent were you? M4.1 What is confluence? M4.2 The start of confluence – reciprocity and the favour M4.3 Living in confluence Milestone 5: Introjects, critical thinking and phobias M5.1 What is an introject? M5.2 Critical thinking M5.3 When introjects become phobias Milestone 6: Who are YOU? M6.1 Revisiting the pseudo-identity M6.2 Developing a ‘mask’ after leaving M6.3 Building our authentic identity M6.4 Identity and the generations M6.5 Working through identity Milestone 7: Understanding traumatic stress M7.1 Managing expectations M7.2 Responses to trauma – fight, flight, freeze and submit M7.3 ‘Big T’ traumas and ‘small t’ traumas M7.4 Symptoms of trauma M7.5 Responses – the zones explained M7.6 Responses – zone shifts and unconscious awareness M7.7 Memories, symptoms and pattern matches M7.8 Recovery: using perception – the ‘noticing brain’ M7.9 Recovery: letting your body know you are now safe Milestone 8: Boundary-setting assertive anger – and rage M8.1 Boundaries M8.2 Healthy boundary-setting assertive anger M8.3 Anger – negative connotations, loaded language and introjects M8.4 Rage M8.5 Narcissistic rage M8.6 The ring of fire Milestone 9: Healthy self-love M9.1 The myth of Narcissus and Echo M9.2 The continuum of self-love M9.3 Unhealthy excess of self-love – narcissism M9.4 Unhealthy lack of self-love – echoism M9.5 Echoing the cultic setting’s narcissism M9.6 Healthy self-love M9.7 Worksheets Milestone 10: Thought reform M10.0 Introduction M10.1 Milieu control M10.2 Mystical manipulation M10.3 Demand for purity M10.4 Confession M10.5 Sacred science M10.6 Loading the language M10.7 Doctrine over person M10.8 Dispensing of existence Milestone 11: Recognising other controlling dynamics M11.1 Double bind M11.2 Cognitive dissonance M11.3 Gaslighting Milestone 12: Unmasking the leader M12.1 The human need for authority M12.2 Non-abusive leaders M12.3 The cultic leader – different categories M12.4 Understanding and unmasking the leader M12.5 The structure of your group or relationship M12.6 Unmasking your leader Region 3: Heal emotionally Milestone 13: Emotional healing M13.1 Your emotions matter M13.2 What happens to emotions in a cultic setting? M13.3 Coping with emotions after leaving M13.4 Learning to self-regulate