helpful to describe that judgement as tending to pick the product of the usefulness and the difficulty, and making decisions when emotional memory bounds are tighter.
errata: this would the product of the usefulness and ease, or the quotient of the usefulness over the difficulty; becomes apparent if considered. note: i've found that at different times my inner procsses can seem described by different heuristics, based on what influences are most intense. usefulness * ease seems to make sense when confused and determined, especially under pressure such as a time limit.
That is, maybe, my mind will pick the part that looks clearer and less difficult, when taxed.
"You will never be able to understand", held alone, is clearer than "the less you will ... [something confusing involving the word "understand"]", and both have the same initial expectation of
i am still irritated that somebody made this dangerous expression ever. it seems like it has some kind of rudeness underneath it.
expressing difficulty understanding things. My mind seems to try to handle the confusion by relying on the presence of the illogical internal phrase that makes more sense when held alone.
when i originally planned to add to these notes, i meant to make a small concise addition, not a long-winded one.
Summary: emotional memory, paired with subconscious choices to consider things that are more useful when taxed, can produce experiences that seem exotically bizarre and terrifying, when for me they seem mostly ways to avoid flashbacks that stimulate more relevant terror.
Note: maybe show this to a therapist, even one I don't trust, seems really helpful. Comment: i could use more time thinking about this without real-time challenge, so as to be prepared for questions and new ideas better.