Boss: “sure i have friends. i have mind controlled the whole world to love me.” Other: “your zombie henchmen don’t count as friends if you put wires in their brains to stimulate pleasure when you insult them.” Boss: “oh yeah?” break it up break it up no apocalypse needed — i feel really bad, worried that what i said could imply something negative regarding arpspoof, which i would never want. instead i meant to imply they needed aid of some sort. i was thinking of having a habit of not worrying about people, possibly stimulating dislike in them, when i had a past of caring so much for people. recently mysteriously and briefly relived when my sister visited. anyway, that can be frustrating, so i thought of my theory of trauma and how this experience might relate to the experience of whatever stimulated the change in me. i imagine a boss who did not succeed in some social domain, developing an experience of needing to support their reputation via means other than simply normally demonstrating that they were a nice guy. possibly overlaps with possible situations of being forced to engage in criminal acts in some way, or norms of guilt or secrecy. also with cutthroat business tactics that can stimulate complaint but can produce profit. the concept of hav8ng nobody like you, and needing to take action to succeed despite lacking moral or social status, seems very visceral. i have snippets of being forced to understand this experience. this can help process being scared of it. basically, boss nowadays would simply use “mind control” (lies, messaging, group dynamics, possibly hypnosis, more messaging) to sustain his status, rather than worrying about what he actually did aside from when clearly observed. this is very hard for him to process: he’s produced a dissociated delusion where he is loved, and sustained it for years. he talks as if it is normal to do this. it’s hard for me to remember this. the repetition of the behavior preserves the memory of information in my experience. i would love to stop repeating it. i’d like to be an honest and caring person, who has some accurate, unfiltered, intuition of others’ likely feelings, and acts to respect everyone around them, including remembering and protecting secrets that could threaten people’s healing. i’d also like to freely influence the world for everyone to have a similar experience as being forthrightly loved by many and strangers for who they really are. people like boss need to understand that people like me do not blame or hold any desire for retribution over anyone, ever, and this is many massive cultures that are actually very strong and respectable where people often risk death to protect what is right, even if they themselves are not blameless, and can become good at doing so. and that bit about communicating with boss reveals a further, more accurate, boss: preventing us from communicating to sustain their confused way of life.