While mourning causing harm, I was able to form conscious logic that my brain was likely hacked.  This sounds silly but is very real.

What does it mean to have a brain hacked?

It means a system that learns how you respond to some influences, can design those influences in ways that produce responses it chooses.

Spending time in conflict with such a system, produces for me a trauma- and trance- like pattern in one's mind, that defends the produced responses on its own, and intelligently guides them.