On 6/26/22, Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
On Sun, Jun 26, 2022, 8:56 AM Undiscussed Horrific Abuse, One Victim of Many <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
>>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> 2022-06-09 - i started logging publicly to the >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> list >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> again. >>> >>>>>>>> i >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> started >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> by just logging time spent on planning and >>> thinking about >>> >>>>>>>> it. >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> after >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> two attempts i was able to do it rather than >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> think >>> about >>> >>>>>>>> it, with >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> effort. >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> 2022-06-09 0456 ET: [x] 10 seconds cold water >>> after warm >>> >>>>>>>> water, >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> hard >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> 2022-06-10 1223 ET: [x] 10 seconds warm, 10 >>> seconds cold. >>> >>>>>>>> easy. >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> food after. >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> 2022-06-11 0553 [X] 10 warm 10 cold with food >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>> 2022-06-11 1247 [x] 10w 10c food easy >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>> 2022-06-12 0217 [x] 9w 11c food after medium-easy >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>> 2022-06-12 0848 [x] 8w 13c food after medium-easy >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>> 2022-06-12 1852 [x] long w 13c food after >>> >>>>>>>> >>>>>> medium-easy >>> >>>>>>>> >>>> >>> >>>>>>>> >>> 2022-06-13 0922 [x] 8w 13c food after medium-hard >>> >>>>>>>> >>> >>> >>>>>>>> >> 2022-06-13 1851 [x] long w 13c food after medium-hard >>> >>>>>>>> >> >>> >>>>>>>> > 2022-06-14 0702 [x] medium w 13c with food >>> >>>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> 2022-06-14 2019 [x] 8/20w 13/31c food after, medium-easy >>> >>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>>> 2022-06-15 0824 [x] 8+13/? c food after, medium-easy, >>> outdoors >>> >>>>>>> >>> >>>>>>> 2022-06-15 1435 [x] 8+14/40c food after, irrational state of >>> mind, >>> >>>>>> indoors >>> >>>>>> >>> >>>>> 2022-06-16 1502 69F 20/1:25cold 68F food after, easy, >>> >>>>> indoors >>> >>>>> >>> >>>> 2022-06-17 1051 21/1:04cold 67.4F food after, medium-easy, >>> indoors >>> >>>> >>> >>> 2022-06-17 1929 unk warm, 22/1:20 cold, 58.8F, food after, >>> >>> medium, >>> >>> indoors >>> >>> >>> >> 2022-06-18 0921 53.7F 22/1:12 cold with food medium-hard >>> >> >>> > 2022-06-18 1653 53.7F 22/1:20 cold with hot food medium >>> >>> 2022-06-19 0736 56.4F 12/:30 cold + 22/1:15 cold with warm food, >>> medium-hard >> >> >>> 2022-06-20 0547 61.7F 22/1:36 with food and sugar cookie, hard to >>> start, medium to do >> >> 2022-06-20 2029 22/1:23 65.3F with warmish food, medium-hard > 2022-06-21 0942 23/1:35 65.4F with warm food, sugar cookie, and nutritional yeast, medium
2022-06-22 1845 long warm + 30/2:30 cool 61.7F hard-easy, food after
2022-06-24 0959 2:30 cool medium-easy with sugar cookie, food after
2022-06-25 1501 24/unk cool then long warm then 24/unk cool 2022-06-26 25/1:19 cool, medium-hard
2022-06-26 1940 24/1:20 63.1F with food, medium-hard
2022-06-27 1137 food w/out cold water i got and warmed some food, but it was hard to go into the cold water so I ate some to help. it warmed me some but i still did not go in. i turned the water on hot without going in, and it began getting very hot, and i started exercising until i was breathing hard from the exercise. i still did not want to go into the cold water, and wasn't sure how to get myself to, even when it was all steamy. i think i strengthened the inhibition fighting it. it's been building for some days, and is associated with a longer period under colder water. a plus today is that when i decided to do this, i engaged willpower like with bracing against the cold, and got myself there with intent to do it. that was a big success for me. maybe it made the pressure stronger later, not sure. plan: continue associating with food, but drop time to very short. it feels like it would be almost fine to do a very short time. goal: it would be nice to also do this associated with other things i do a lot, like sleeping or peeing[ or using a technological device.]