10 May
2023
10 May
'23
5:42 p.m.
hihi thinking back on this, i guess the biggest inhibition was the difference from last night to today. i don't quite recall what triggered the inhibition last night. one of the biggest confusions in this situation with me, is that i'm used to being able to calmly work for multiple days to accomplish a complex project in a planning-type way ("do it right") rather than a deadline-type way ("get it done"). most of my habits still assume i can do this; it's where my senses of fun, accomplishment, planning, puzzling, etc came from during the course of the free parts of my life. nowadays doing this stimulates severe issues. [...] [there's ummm some severe tensions, many ptsd-like, that kind of collect like a descending ceiling]