The SPAM Spinner The SPAM Spinner was an old woman who spent most of her days in her rocking chair, looking out over an overgrown field of wildflowers and milkweed. Some days, Captain Email Filter, oh he was so amnesiatic he barely remembered her name, would come by and mow the lawn. But this was rare, and so the milkweed grew. The SPAM Spinner rocked in her rocking chair with cans of SPAM next to her. She held a can opener, and would open every one. Each SPAM can, she drained it into a mudhole that had developed for the purpose. She would tease apart the solids with her fingers, lengthen them into strands, and lay them on a rack she had set up by the cans, for the purpose. Then she would pull, from the other side of the rack, lengths of SPAM that had dried in the midday sun. They were delicate, and she was very gentle. One by one, strand by strand, the SPAM spinner would gently lay the strands of dried SPAM together into longer threads on her lap, and roll them in the folds of her long skirt, so that they would stay.