i'm indoors today. i slept indoors last night. i was struggling. my last therapy went pretty poorly. i was _severely_ dissociated from i think the automated reverse engineering project, and maybe something else. i just wanted some kindness from the therapist, i've never had anybody to talk about being dissociated with. they gave me a lot of confusing things, said i needed to do tasks for them; they had made changes to a treatment plan we had made together, and printed the plan out and wanted me to review and update it. i didn't have access to mental information about it and the content all relates to the thing i went through 8ish years ago that drives me wild when i consider it. they often stimulate me via interruption which can leave me very confused when i am trying to remember what is going on or what we are talking about. i had asked for a new therapist, and they told me int his session that my request had been denied [i still need to check client rights to see if they're allowed to say that, but they noted there are private therapists in the community]. these things were new and important to me and iw anted to take time to navigate my experiences to see what i needed to remember about them but i didn't know how to do this amongst all the prompted communication. so i figured if i was so dissociated i couldn't relate around logistics, i should have canceled the appointment in advance. so i canceled mine yesterday, and spent a night indoors. my 'mind control' experiences often exert less pressure when i do what they push me to do.