rebel worker 2 updates his Dictatorsoft Mobile Phone device: "We've upgraded DictatorMaps with important features and security fixes, including removing a government backdoor [CVE] and replacing it with a corporate backdoor." device: "DictatorPhotos has all your best photos! Our business partnership around a corporate backdoor has been terminated with bad vibes all around, and we have replaced it with a government backdoor." device: "Update DictatorMessages now. Our government backdoors and corporate backdoors have revealed competing security reports and need upgrades." rebel worker 2 hits upgrade for each application. he's excited. --- traffick boss hires a cryptographer traffick boss: "is this cryptography?" cryptographer: "no, that's a back scratcher." traffick boss [picking up back scratcher and scratching his back]: "okay, what about this? is this cryptography?" cryptographer: "no, um, it looks like that makes your lights flicker when somebody talks about something called "trafficking"? traffick boss: "ah, yeah. okay, how about this? is this cryptography?" cryptographer: "oh, yeah, that's an encrypted messaging system!" traffick boss [grabbing the encrypted messaging system]: "great! everybody, make sure this is defunded and destroyed and put a flag on anyone that uses it." cryptographer stares wide-eyed traffick boss [to cryptographer]: "this way, i have another job for you."