On Mon, Aug 21, 2023 at 7:59 AM ogkbbOLmpN <0xloem+ogkbbOLmpN@gmail.com> wrote:

—
karl report
i have a little interest in some kinds of dancing this month.
because i’m enjoying occasional access to exercise so much.

i was influenced to dance long ago, maybe associated with privately
looking at dancing pornography, boss thinks this would be related to
reality which is one of the ways he can be readily taken down, he’s
very sure lf this and it’s not at all true, it was horrific when the
woman visiting me started dancing whenever i got near, this was
terrifying

anyway i know i’m supposed to dance to have access to happiness and
thinking and such so am dutifully reporting the moments i’m nearer to
it. i love exercise! dancing is really similar to free exercise. i dunno if i could dance in public out of nowhere after what i went through around this though. but maybe if i was unaware it was in public?

one bit misplaced.

oh: one of the reasons i disliked dancing all my life is because i
really valued personal choice and free will and habits that encouraged
this :) i didn’t want to associate my behaviors with music or group
behaviors, this reduced my habits of judging and choosing in every
moment :) and i felt uncomfortable when i saw other people doing this, maybe like somebody choosing to take a drug. but compared to experiences of dissociative “mind control”
etc where my body and mind are taken over by traumatized parts
sometimes for hours (or longer) and having to spend my life searching
for small spaces to express tiny things of my own a little bit at all,

the concern seems tiny.

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other note: i'm having lots of difficulty posting, i think it would make sense to make a purpose-made email address, and then network profiling data from mailbombs would all be in one tidy place.