Chapter 10–Unlocking Mind Control Wherever I go—to the supermarket, to the gym, on an airplane—I meet people who are involved with destructive cults. My heart goes out to them, because I was once in a similar trap. With all the cult members I meet, I try to remember that they are _enslaved_. They are also somebody’s son or daughter, sister or brother. Whenever I meet people like these, I feel extremely grateful that I am free. I was one of the lucky ones who had the opportunity to be counseled out. Since people helped me, I try to share my good fortune. In these fleeting personal encounters, I know that I will have only a few minutes, but I try to say or do something to help. Usually I never hear from the person again, but occasionally I find out that our brief meeting had some long-term impact. Back in 1980, I started to deliberately go out of my way to conduct impromptu mini-interventions that are really mini-therapeutic interactions. I was eager to research and practice non-coercive approaches to helping free someone. I looked at every cult member I met as an opportunity to hone my skills. These encounters taught me more effective ways of communicating with cult members—methods that serve as keys to unlocking cult mind control. This chapter offers a summary of those keys, with some examples of how I use them—and how you can use them as well. Briefly, these are the three most basic keys to helping a cult member: Key #1: Build rapport and trust. Key #2: Use goal-oriented communication. Key #3: Develop models of identity. This chapter offers two examples of rescue efforts I have conducted, as well as a mini-rescue that was conducted on me when I was still a cult member. These examples will help to demonstrate the importance of the first three keys, and how they can be effectively employed. In the remainder of this chapter, I’ll discuss the other five keys, which enable a rescue effort to be carried through to a successful conclusion: Key #4: Access the pre-cult (authentic) identity. Key #5: Help the cult member to look at reality from many different perspectives. Key #6: Sidestep the thought-stopping process by giving information in an indirect way. Key #7: Help them visualize a happy future outside the cult. Key #8: Offer the cult member concrete definitions of mind control and specific characteristics of a destructive cult. Key #1: Build Rapport And Trust I have already emphasized the importance of building rapport; several techniques for building non-verbal rapport can help. The first is to simply mirror the body language of the person with whom I am speaking. I also use a non-threatening/friendly tone of voice and line of questioning and try to avoid judgmental statements. Like riding a bicycle or learning a foreign language, rapport building is a skill that anyone can learn and develop. Key #2: Use Goal-Oriented Communication Practiced mainly in the business world, goal-oriented communication represents the best way to influence people in a deliberate way. This is drastically different from the approach people typically use when interacting with family members or friends. When we are intimate with people we usually say whatever we think or feel, because we are being “ourselves.” We don’t have an agenda to influence others. In the business world, most people have to think through their goals and determine how best to accomplish them. Business leaders understand that they often have to establish a step-by-step plan to make their dreams a reality. In helping someone break free from a destructive cult, it can be just as helpful to clarify your goal and then determine how best to accomplish it. Your overall goal, of course, is to help the person you care about to begin thinking for themselves (hopefully, to help them leave a cult.) To accomplish this, you need to use communication to find out just who it is you’re trying to influence. This means getting to know and understand your loved one’s new mind controlled personality. It also means learning more about the real person underneath, if possible. Next, you need to use communication to build trust and rapport. Finally, you need to use communication to help the cult member begin to question, investigate and think for themselves. Key #3: Develop Models Of Identity By gathering information, family members and friends can thoroughly research the cult member they hope to influence. In order to be most effective, three models, or mindsets, will need to be constructed. The first model is _who the person was before they joined_—how they thought about themselves, the world, their relationships, their strengths and their weaknesses. This is the way they viewed all these aspects of their life. This information is best gathered from what they have written or have said to friends and relatives. The second model is that of _a typical cult member of that group_. Any former member can provide a useful generic model of how members of the cult view reality. Former members can serve as coaches and teach you how to think like a cult member. Ideally, people can role-play what it feels like to be a cult member. Just as the actor rehearses their lines in character, what is important here is the characterization, even though the lines are impromptu. Different family members can take turns interacting with the “cult member” as well as “being” the cult member. The more they are able to role-play and practice, the better they will understand how the cult member thinks. The third model is that of _the specific person in the cult, as they are now_. By contrasting this with the models of the generic cult member and the person’s real self, you can get a good idea when the person is being cultish, and when they are being their real self. Remember, though, that in every cult member, there is a war between their cult identity and their real identity. At any time, you may actually see the person switch back and forth. Many cult members try to fight off their cult identities whenever they can. For example, in one cult, members were vegetarians and did not use drugs or alcohol. Yet I met several members from that group who told me they used to sneak off the communal property and drive 35 miles so they could have a hamburger and a beer. If you have a good rapport with someone in a cult, you might discover and be able to make constructive use of this type of information. When I am brought in to help with a rescue effort, I want to have as complete a sense of all three mindsets as possible before I meet with the cult member. Then, when I am with the person, I refine all three models by asking specific questions. Within three days, I am able to develop a sophisticated set of maps. Like an actor, I am able to step into a role and imagine myself as the person I am counseling. I immerse myself in their reality. Throughout the counseling process, I switch back and forth among the mindsets. I test out the model of who the person is now—i.e., their cult personality—by anticipating how they will respond by having an imaginary conversation with them in my head. Then I ask the actual person the same question and note how accurately I was able to predict their response. As the interaction continues, I am able to refine this model more and more. The faster I am able to create an accurate model of the person’s cult personality, the faster I can “become” them. Once I become them, I can then figure out what needs to be said or done to help them regain control over their life. Ultimately, it is the person’s real identity that shows me how to unlock the doors. They tell me what keys are necessary to use, where to find them, and in what order to use them. This process of discovery can be demonstrated in the following interaction with a young member of a cult that stresses meditation, under the leadership of a man named Guru MaharajJi,[ibid] aka Prem Rawat. A Sample Rescue Effort: Gary and the Divine Light Mission[170] A young man and I were both waiting for the bus. I noticed some brochures he was carrying. “I’m curious,” I said. “How long have you been involved with Divine Light Mission?” “For about seven years,” he answered. His eyes moved up slowly until they focused on mine. “That’s a long time,” I said. “How old were you when you first got involved?” I tried to sound innocent, as though I were an old friend. “I was 20.” “Hi.” I said, giving my name, and holding out my hand to shake his. “I’m sorry if I’m bothering you. What’s your name?” “My name is Gary,” he said, somewhat bewildered. He looked as though he didn’t know what to make of me. “Gary, I’m just curious: what were you doing at that time in your life?” “Why do you want to know?” he asked with a look of puzzlement. “I love to talk to people who have made unorthodox choices in their life. I like trying to figure out why people do what they do,” I shrugged my shoulders a bit. “Oh. Well, back then I was working for a construction company, putting up buildings.” “Anything else?” I asked. “Yeah, well, I liked to hang out with my friends. I was also into animals. I had two dogs, a cat, some tropical fish and a rabbit.” A warm smile lit up his face as he recalled his friends and his pets. “You certainly were into animals. Was any one your favorite?” I asked. “Well, my dog Inferno was pretty special. He and I used to be best buddies.” “What made him so special?” I asked. “He had an independent spirit. He loved adventure. He loved to go with me into the woods.” It was obvious to me that he missed his dog a great deal. I shared that I grew up with dogs and love them too. This increased rapport. “So, you love an independent spirit. Do you admire anyone who stands up and does what they feel is right no matter what others say?” I was trying my best to empower Gary by reminding him of the qualities he used to admire. “That’s right. Inferno did what he wanted to do. And I loved him for that, too.” Gary’s tone was somewhat defensive and self-righteous. “So, Gary, tell me—what was it that made you decide that the Divine Light Mission was the group you wanted to spend your life in?” “I never thought of it that way,” he said, his face growing sullen. “Well then, what was it that got you involved?” I asked in an upbeat voice. “At the time, my girlfriend Carol started going to _satsang_—you know, group meetings—and I went along. We listened to the people all talk so glowingly about their experience of _Knowledge_, and how high it made them feel.” I continued to probe. “Did you decide to get initiated first, or did Carol?” “She did. At first I thought the whole thing was a bit strange. But after she started meditating, I got curious and decided to do it, too.” “What year was this?” I asked. “1973.” “And at the time, what did you think of Guru Maharaj Ji?” “I thought he was this young dude from India who was going to usher in an age of world peace,” he said, with a touch of sarcasm. “Were you at that big meeting at the Houston Astrodome?” I asked. “Yes,” he answered. “And what ever became of Carol?” “I don’t know,” Gary said, his face darkening again. “We sort of broke up a few months after we got involved with the group.” “When was the last time you spoke to her?” I asked. “About four years ago she wrote me that she had decided to go back to school and wasn’t going to practice _Knowledge_ anymore.” “Why did she say that she wasn’t going to be part of the group anymore?” “I don’t remember,” he said, staring at the pavement. “So the person who got you involved left the group four years ago?” I repeated. “Uh huh.” “And you have never really sat down with her to find out why she left, after belonging to the group for three years?” “Why are you looking at me like that?” Gary said, looking up at me. I smiled, looked down, then looked him right in the eye. “Well, I don’t understand, Gary. If my ex-girlfriend left the group that she introduced me to, I would certainly want to sit down with her and find out everything I could from her. She must have had some really good reasons why she left after three years. And she obviously cared enough about you to contact you and let you know her decision.” I paused. Gary stood there, silent. I waited some more. Then I continued, “I suppose there’s no way for you to get in touch with her anymore.” “Actually, her parents probably live at the same address. I’m sure I could find it.” My bus pulled up to the stop. “Might be a good idea. Well, I wish you good luck, Gary. It was really good talking to you. Thanks.” He waved to me as my bus pulled away. The preceding conversation demonstrates just how much can be done to help someone in a mind control cult in only a few minutes. During that time I was able to quickly establish rapport, collect very valuable information about Gary, and use what I learned to help him take a very important step away from his cult group. If I had used a threatening or condescending tone, I would never have gotten anywhere with Gary. However, because I used a curious, interested tone, Gary was happy to kill some time and chat with a friendly stranger. Once I found out how long Gary had been involved, l was able to quickly determine that he wasn’t enthusiastic about the cult. It was relatively easy for me to get Gary to reminisce about his pre-cult life. When he remembered what he had done before, he was able to reaccess his real identity and get in touch with how he thought, felt and acted before being indoctrinated. He not only remembered his favorite dog, but also talked about how he used to value an independent and adventurous spirit. This was a valuable resource—one he would need to help him walk away from a seven-year commitment to Guru Maharaj Ji. Gary also remembered what he had first thought of the group before becoming involved. He stepped back in time and looked at the group with his pre-cult eyes, thinking that it was a bit weird. Back then he certainly never intended to join the group for life. An important strategy for reality testing is to go back in time and ask, “If you had known then what you know now, would you have made the same decision?” For Gary, apparently the answer would have been no. Then, as I was fishing for more information, Gary stunned me by telling me that Carol, who initially recruited him, had left the group. Since everyone under mind control has been made to be phobic about leaving the group, it didn’t surprise me that Gary didn’t know why she had left. Four years earlier, he was probably not able to consider talking with her. However, it was clear to me that Gary was still curious as to why Carol left the group. He was now at a point in his life where he was more open to this possibility. I gave him a nudge to go talk to Carol. My Own Experience of a Mini-interaction When I first got out of the Moonies, I searched my memory for times when I had questions or doubts about the organization. I remembered several times when I was momentarily thinking outside the Moonie framework. Even though these experiences weren’t enough to get me to leave, they proved significant when I was being deprogrammed. One experience involved a caring person I met by chance. During my first year as a cult member, I was fundraising on a steamy summer day in Manhattan. I approached a man who must have been in his sixties, and asked if he wanted to buy some flowers. “What are you selling flowers for, young man?” he asked with a warm smile. “For Christian youth programs,” I answered, hoping I could sell him a dozen carnations. “My, my, you look very hot,” he said. “Yes, sir. But this cause is very important, so I don’t mind.” “How would you feel if I took you inside this coffee shop and bought you something cold to drink?” he asked. I thought, _This guy is nice, but he has to buy some flowers; otherwise he won’t have a connection to Father_. Then I remembered Jesus saying that anyone who gives water to a thirsty person is doing the will of God. “Just for five minutes,” he said with a twinkle in his eye. “It will refresh you, so you’ll be able to sell even more flowers.” “Okay. Thank you very much.” We walked into the air-conditioned shop. It felt so good to be out of the sun. When we sat down at a table, he said, “So, tell me a little about yourself.” “Well, I grew up in an ethnically religious family in Queens.” “Oh, so you’re ethnically religious,” he said with a warm smile. “Me, too,” I thought that perhaps God had sent this person for me to “witness to” (a term we used for _recruit_). We had been instructed that while fundraising, we should never spend more than a couple of minutes with any one person. But since my main job was recruiting, and I had been sent out on Saturday to fundraise, maybe it was okay to spend a few extra minutes with him. In the end, I must have spent at least half an hour with him. He got me to do most of the talking. During that time I became incredibly homesick—not only for my family and friends, but for playing basketball, writing poetry and reading books. Before I left, he insisted that I call home and walked me to the phone. He put in the dime himself. I remember feeling that this man reminded me of my grandfather, someone I loved dearly. I didn’t have the willpower to refuse. Besides, it would look bad for the group if I refused to talk to my parents. I spoke with my mom for a few minutes. After that, I felt that I had to pry myself away from this man. My cult identity was strongly exerting itself. I started to feel guilty that I hadn’t been out raising money and allowing people to “pay indemnity” and connect themselves to the Messiah. But I was “spaced out” and couldn’t sell for the rest of the day. Eventually, a Moonie leader told me that I had created a “bad condition” by going inside for a cold drink; that Satan had tempted me; and that I had failed. He told me that, in my weakness, I had crucified Jesus on the cross one more time. That evening I prayed and repented and tried to quash any memory of what had happened. I never thought of that experience again, until after I was deprogrammed. Now, let’s take a look at another full-scale intervention, this time with a Krishna devotee. Phil and the Hare Krishnas/ Iskcon[171] Although most Americans don’t realize it, the Hare Krishna sect, also known as ISKCON or the International Society for Krishna Consciousness, is still very much around even though its founder passed away in 1977. Below is an account of my efforts with Phil, who had been a member of the Hare Krishna sect for over three years. Phil had become involved with the group about six months after his twin brother, Tom, was killed in an automobile accident while walking to a neighborhood store. The death hit his family hard, and sent Phil into a severe depression. He seriously contemplated suicide. He received medication and therapy, but nothing seemed to help him. Then one day, while walking downtown, he was approached by a Krishna. Not long afterward, he became a member. I met Phil during one of his infrequent visits to his family, and was introduced as a family counselor who had been working with his parents and his two sisters for many months. I told Phil that I felt I needed to speak with him alone, before I could do any sessions with him and the whole family. I told him that in my view he was a very significant member of the family, and that his participation was badly needed. After introducing myself to him, I suggested we go outside for a walk, so that we could get acquainted. He was dressed in full Krishna clothes, including sandals. I spent the first few minutes explaining my background as a counselor who specialized in communication strategies and family dynamics, and who was committed to helping people grow and enjoy better relationships with their loved ones. He told me that he now went by the name Gorivinda. “So, Gorivinda—Phil (it is best to use the pre-cult name)—would you mind telling me about how you feel toward your family now?” I kept my hands in my pockets and my eyes directed toward the pavement. “I don’t know,” he responded, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “Well, are you happy with your present relationship with your mother? Your father? Your siblings?” He answered, “Things have gotten a lot better since they stopped criticizing my religious commitment.” “How do you feel when you come home for a visit?” I asked, as gently as possible. “To be honest, it’s a bit strange,” he said. I was glad at his response. “What do you mean?” I probed for more information. “Well, it’s like coming to another world. It’s so different from devotional life at the temple.” “Are there any good feelings you feel when you come home?” “Yes,” he said warmly. “I love my parents and my sisters and brother very much.” Then he caught himself and added, “But they’re living in the material world.” “I see,” I said, a bit disheartened that he had caught himself and injected the cult perspective. “Would you mind telling me about your twin brother and what his death meant to you?” I was hoping to steer him back into his pre-cult identity. “Why?” he asked suspiciously. “Because, as a mental health professional, I believe that your whole family is still suffering from that tragedy,” I commented, hoping he would accept my sincerity. When I said that, Phil started to cry and choke up. I was struck by the power of his feelings. Then he stopped walking, put his hands together, and started rocking back and forth. He was chanting to shut himself down. Thought-stopping. After a few minutes he was recomposed. “Tom and I were very close,” he said, already beginning to lose control of himself again. “Tell me about him when he was alive. What was he like? What did he like to do?” Phil’s face started to shine as be reminisced about his brother. “Tom was bright, energetic, had a great sense of humor. He was the more aggressive of the two of us. He helped motivate me to do things, all of the time.” “Tell me, Phil, what do you think he would be doing today if he hadn’t had the car accident?” I was hoping to get Phil to think again about the kind of life Tom would have had “That’s a hard one,” Phil answered. “Do you think he would have joined the Krishnas?” I asked with a smile. “No, never,” Phil said definitively. “Tom was never into religion much at all, although he was very spiritual.” “So what do you think _he_ would be doing?” I repeated. “He always said that he wanted to go into the media—to work in television. He wanted to be an anchorman for the six o’clock news.” “So he liked news. Did he like investigative journalism?” I knew that if he said yes, I would have another angle to work with later. “That was his favorite!” he said. Bingo. I decided to explore another angle first, though. I asked, “Back then, what did you see yourself doing?” “Back then? I wanted to become a musician,” he said with enthusiasm. “That’s right,” I said. “Your sister mentioned to me that you used to play electric guitar. You used to write songs, too.” “Yeah.” I felt that Phil was making some of the important connections I was hoping he would make. “So, did you want to have your own band and make records—the whole bit?” I wanted Phil to remember as much detail as he could. “Sure. I loved music so much. I remember singing my songs with Tom. He would help me with the lyrics sometimes, too,” he said with considerable pride. “So you could imagine being a successful musician, living a happy and spiritually fulfilled life?” I asked, nodding my head. I wanted him to create as powerful a mental image as he could. “You bet!” Phil said, his eyes defocused. He was obviously enjoying what he was imagining. “Can you imagine how good it feels to be up on stage, singing your songs, touching people with your creativity, making them happy?” I asked. I wanted Phil to get in touch with how good he would feel as a musician. “Yes! It’s a wonderful feeling,” he said. “Great. Just imagine enjoying your music, and perhaps see your friends there, too. They must admire and respect your talent a great deal. Perhaps you are even happily married, maybe have kids.” I knew that I was taking a risk, but he seemed to enjoy adding the wife and kids to his fantasy. I waited a few minutes in silence until Phil returned from his pleasant imaginary voyage. “Now I have another question.” I paused for a deep breath. “What do you think Tom would say now if he saw you in the Hare Krishnas?” I have to admit I was caught off guard, when Phil burst into intense sobbing, which continued for a full five minutes. By this time we were sitting together in a quiet park. Phil clutched his chest and rocked back and forth. The loud crying seemed to echo from deep within. I debated with myself whether or not to put my arm around Phil and console him; I decided not to interrupt. Eventually, he stopped and collected himself once more. I looked compassionately at Phil and decided to try the question again. “Really, what would you tell Tom?” I asked. Phil wiped his eyes and stated quite categorically. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore, okay?” I nodded and remained silent for a while. I decided to let him think about the question some more, hoping he would answer it within himself. I suggested we get up and walk some more. I wanted him to shift his frame of mind. “There are a few more things I would like to discuss with you before we go back to the house.” I started up again. “If you could put yourself in your parents’ shoes, how would you feel to lose a son?” “What?” he asked looking up at me. “Imagine being your mother,” I said. “She carried Tom and you, gave birth to both of you, nursed, diapered, washed both of you. Cared for you when you were sick. Played with you, taught you, watched you grow to adulthood. Can you feel what it must have been like for her to lose Tom?” “Yes. It was horrible,” he said. He was, indeed, talking as though he was his mother. “And your father. Can you stop and think about what it was like for him?” I added. Phil said. “Dad was always the closest to Tom. It hit him real hard.’’ “Yes,” I said. “Now can you imagine what it felt like to watch your other son become suicidally depressed and then a few months later change his name, shave his head, and move in with a controversial group?” “It would be horrible,” he repeated. “I would feel angry. I would feel like I lost two sons.” “That’s exactly how they told me they felt,” I said. “Can you see that now? That is why they were so critical of the group when you got involved.” I paused and let him think for a few more moments before I went on. “I’m curious to know what was going on in your mind when you first met the member of the group. What was it that caught your attention and attracted you to learn more?” I asked. Phil looked up at the sky for a moment, looked down at the ground, took a deep sigh, and said, “Well, when he asked me why I looked so depressed, I told him about Tom’s death. I told him that I just couldn’t understand why it would happen to such a wonderful person. It just didn’t seem right. He began to explain the laws of _karma_ to me and how this material world is just illusion anyway, and how I should be happy that Tom left his material consciousness, so that he could come back as a more highly evolved being in his next life.” “I see—so the devotee helped you understand what had happened to Tom in a way that took away your fear and confusion,” I said. “And guilt,” he added. “And guilt?” I probed. “Yes, you see, I had asked Tom to go to the store that day to buy me another guitar string. He was on his way there when he was killed,” Phil said. “So you blamed yourself for his death because you figured that if you hadn’t asked him to go to the store, he never would have been in the accident?” I asked. “I guess so,” Phil said, sadly. It occurred to me that I had better try to offer Phil some other perspectives on the incident. I began by saying; “If Tom had been killed in a swimming accident, at the far end of the lake, would you have blamed yourself for not staying closer to him?” He thought for a moment. “Maybe.” “Can you imagine any way Tom could have died that wouldn’t have been your fault?” I asked. He paused again before answering. “I guess not. But the fact remains that he was going to the store for me.” “Is it possible that he also had some other things to buy, or some other errands to run? Is it possible that he decided to take a different route to the store than he ordinarily took, and that was where the accident occurred?” I asked. Phil seemed nonplussed. “How would Tom feel, now, if it had been you who had gone to the store one day and were killed in a car accident?” I asked. “Would he get depressed, think about committing suicide, and then join the Hare Krishnas?” Phil laughed. I knew this was a bull’s-eye. Within a few minutes it was Phil who started asking _me_ questions. “How do you feel about the Krishnas, Steve?” Phil asked. I thought he was genuinely trying to test his “reality,” not just trying to find fault with me and write me off. “Boy. That’s a tough one,” I said, scratching my head. He then said, “I want to know.” “My role as a professional, Phil, is to do counseling and not to make value judgments on what people do with their lives. I do have personal feelings though,” I said. “I want to know what you think personally,” said Phil, quietly. “Well, to be honest, I am very concerned. You see, fourteen years ago I myself joined a religious group that my family disapproved of. I too had been depressed before I met the members and wasn’t completely sure what I wanted to do with my life. Back then, I thought that they were trying to interfere with my rights as an adult to choose what I wanted to do.” “What group?” Phil asked, with curiosity. I decided to give the formal name first. “The Holy Spirit Association for the Unification of World Christianity. It is also known as the Unification Church,” I said. “Anyway, I was a devoted member of the group for more than two years. I slept three hours a night, and even did several seven-day fasts, drinking just water.” “That’s a long fast,” Phil said admiringly. I could tell that he was listening to every word I said. “Yeah. I lost an average of fifteen pounds at the end of the week. Anyway, in my group we revered the leader as one of the greatest spiritual masters who has ever lived. In fact, we believed that he had met with Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed, Krishna and every other great spiritual leader.”[172] “You believed _that_?” He was amazed. “Yes. We believed in a spirit world. In fact, we believed that whenever someone died, like Tom, it was to pay indemnity for some past sin in the person’s lineage. In this way, another member of the family could join the group, serve the man we revered as the living Messiah, and then later intervene to save the person who had passed on to the spirit world. In this way, God could not only restore the whole world back to its original state of goodness, but restore all of the spiritual beings in the spirit world who were unable to advance without earthly ‘vitality elements’ provided by those on earth.” Phil’s jaw hung open a bit. He asked, “You really believed that?” “At the time, absolutely,” I said. “You see, in the Church, members were not allowed to ask critical questions of anything the leader said or did. We were taught to believe that anything that challenged the leader or the group’s beliefs was ‘negative’ and was caused by evil spirits. We were taught to do thought-stopping to shut down our minds. In my group we did this by praying intensely as well as chanting whenever we started to doubt, or whenever we felt homesick.”[173] “What was the name of the group again?” he asked. “The Unification Church,” I said. “You probably know it as the Moonies.” “You were in the Moonies? No—I don’t believe it!” Phil exclaimed. “It’s true. In fact, I was a devoted follower of Sun Myung Moon. I would have gladly died on command, if he had told me to,” I replied. “That’s incredible!” Phil said. “Not only that, but we were literally made to feel that if we ever left the group our lives would fall to pieces,” I continued. “We were told that we would be betraying God, the Messiah, ten generations of our ancestors—the whole world, in fact—if we ever left. We were told that all of our relatives now in the spirit world would accuse us throughout eternity for betraying God.[174] It was quite a heavy trip. We were told to avoid all former members because they were controlled by evil. If someone we were close to left the group, we were made to feel that he or she was now a Benedict Arnold and was possessed by demonic spirits.[175] Can you put yourself in my shoes and imagine what I felt when I was in there?” “Yes.’’ Phil said. “Amazing. How did you get out?” “Well, I was in an automobile accident in which I was almost killed,” I said. “After two weeks in the hospital and an operation on my leg, I was able to get permission to go visit my sister. She had given birth to my nephew over a year earlier, but I had never seen him. I had never been able to get permission from my central figure. Anyway, my parents hired some former Moonies to come talk with me.” “Didn’t you try to resist?’’ asked Phil. “Of course. I had been taught in the group about deprogramming,” l said. “I was told that they would torture me and try to break my faith in God. Of course I tried to get away, but, with a broken leg and no crutches, I couldn’t get very far.” “So then, what made you decide to leave?” said Phil. I could see he really wanted to know. I explained to him all the things I had learned during my intervention. I told him I had realized that former members still loved God and were genuinely good people. I described them as people who had decided to leave the group, because they no longer wanted to follow a demagogue who was interested in creating a world in which everyone was identical in thought, feeling and action. The ex-members told me of their belief that God gave them free will, so that they could choose to do the right thing, and not be forced by mind control to do what the leader thought was right. I told him that any group that told its members not to think, but rather to obey their leaders blindly, was dangerous. I told him that any organization that told members not to talk to former members or read critical information was exercising information control—an essential component of mind control. I told him that during my counseling I began to remember specific questions I had buried, and specific contradictions that l had observed, but had never had time to ponder, while I was surrounded by members, because as a “good” member I had to use thought-stopping nearly all the time. Once encouraged to get in touch with who I really was and rethink my entire experience objectively, I was able to see that I had really been very unhappy in the group: I had given up my individuality, my creativity, my autonomy. “I was also involved in bringing others in the group and forcing them to be the same way. I had a lot of guilt over things that I had done while a member, Phil.” We talked for a long time before we went back to the house. I told the family that maybe we should take a few hours out before we started family counseling. Not surprisingly, Phil wanted to be by himself for a while and do some thinking. The family counseling that took place later built on the work I had done with Phil. By the time we stopped for the evening, the family had communicated their intense desire to Phil that he give himself a chance to really listen to the “whole story.” Phil agreed to spend several days listening and talking to former members, and re-evaluating his involvement in the Hare Krishna group. Several people were brought in to assist him in this process. I was able to help the family resolve some of their pain and conflict, and Phil eventually made the decision to leave the cult. I’m very happy to report that Phil is presently pursuing a career in music. For Every Lock There Is a Key In my intervention with Phil, I built rapport, used goal-oriented techniques of communication, and developed models of his identity. I also deliberately tried to get Phil to look at his situation from another perspective. I then intentionally applied the keys to the remaining locks of his mind control, and he responded positively. These keys can often reach into the deepest levels of a person, beneath any mind control virus, into the hardware of their real self. Phil’s sudden collapse into cathartic sobbing and surrounding his pain and guilt of his twin’s sudden death was his key. The changes these keys unlock can be profound. Key #4: Put the Person in Touch With Their Real Identity When a person begins to remember who they were before becoming a cult member, I am able to re-anchor them to a time when there was no cult identity and, consequently, no mind control. I enable the person to review what they thought and felt at each stage of the recruitment process. Almost always, the person had significant doubts or questions at the time, but these were long ago suppressed. It is within this pre-cult personality that I can learn exactly what the person needs to see, hear or feel in order to walk away from the group. For some people, this can be seeing how their leader misinterprets the Bible. For others, it may be to learn about the cult leader’s criminal background and dealings. For still others, it is to be shown specific contradictions within the group’s doctrine. Contradictions in the leader’s biography can also be pivotal. For instance, Scientology’s creator, Ron Hubbard, claimed in My Philosophy, issued in 1965, that he had been lamed with ‘physical injuries to hip and back’ and ‘blinded with injured optic nerves’ at the end of WWII, but this is contradicted by a 1957 lecture, where he claimed to have won a fight against three petty officers, only two weeks before the war finished.[176] The question, “_How will you know when it’s time for you to leave the group?_” can help to reveal that individual’s bottom-line criterion. Will they leave if God tells them to? Will they leave if they discover that they’ve been lied to? As soon as a member can tell me explicitly what they would need to know to leave the group, then I can try my best to find them the proof they require. In Phil’s case, before joining the Hare Krishnas he was a depressed, suicidal person wracked with guilt because he felt responsible for his brother’s death. If I hadn’t been able to help him face his feelings and reframe his brother’s fatal accident, he never would have been able to leave the group. (One could speculate that, on some unconscious level, he was punishing himself for his “sin” by being involved in the group.) Until he could rethink the circumstances of his brother’s death and verbalize what he felt, he would never be able to take a fresh step forward. In this, and other cases like it, if the individual was not happy or healthy just before joining the group, it is imperative to find some positive reference point for the person to use as an identity anchor. If there are no strong positive experiences to use for this purpose, then one has to be either created or cultivated. Imagination can be used to create positive experiences. For example, one might ask, “If you had had a warm, loving family, what would it feel like?” or “If your dad had been everything you wanted when you were growing up, what qualities would he have had, and what kinds of things would you want to do together?” In order for Phil to even consider leaving the Krishnas, he needed to remember his previous, authentic self, and recall how good it felt to play guitar, write songs and have fun with his friends and family. He needed to remember Tom as a person full of life, not just as a victim. In Phil’s inner life, he was able to resurrect Tom—his desire to be an investigative journalist, his dislike of organized religion, and his assertive stance toward life. Since twins are almost always extremely close, it was imperative that Phil reestablish his positive emotional link with Tom. Key #5: Get the Cult Member to Look at Reality From Many Different Perspectives During my interaction with Phil, I asked him to look at himself from a variety of viewpoints. When I asked Phil to switch perspectives, and think like Tom, a dramatic shift occurred. I asked him, “What would Tom do, if you were the one who had died? Would he have joined the Krishnas?” Phil had become so frozen by grief that he had never been able to find a perspective on it. When I asked him, “What would Tom say, if he knew you were in the Krishnas?” the answer came back, “He’d laugh at me and tell me to rejoin the real world.” Another important perspective I wanted Phil to have was that of his parents. He needed to connect with _their_ grief and sense of loss. Phil had been so wrapped up in his own pain that he hadn’t realized how deeply everyone else had been affected. Indeed, his parents had kept themselves together in order to help their children. As a result, they had never been able to go through all the stages of mourning properly. Helping Phil remember and process the experience of being recruited into the cult was also important. When I asked him to verbalize what he thought and felt when he first met the devotee, Phil’s long-suppressed guilt feelings about asking Tom to buy him the guitar string came to the surface, for the first time in years. Furthermore, by recalling his recruitment, Phil was able to remember some of the questions and doubts he had at the time. He also remembered that when he first started chanting, it made the pain go away. He remembered thinking at the time, _This is a whole lot better than feeling suicidal_. In all rescue efforts, it is important to introduce different perspectives. Each time a cult member takes a different perspective, the cult’s hold on them is weakened. In addition to asking a person to remember who they were before joining the group, it can also be quite valuable to ask them to imagine the future. What will they be like in a year, two years, five years, or even ten years? What do they realistically see themselves doing then? Selling flowers on street corners? If not, how would they feel if they were unable to do anything but sell flowers on the street in ten years? Another valuable perspective can also be that of the cult’s leader. In one rescue effort, I asked a Moonie, “If you were the Messiah, would you live the way Sun Myung Moon is living—in a palatial mansion, with two $250,000 personal yachts, limousines and an array of high-end luxuries?” She answered, “Definitely not. I would give all my money to help the poor. I would live very simply.” I was then able to ask her why she thought Moon lived as he did. She told me, “It troubles me. It has always troubled me!” Most cult leaders lead opulent lives, while their followers live relatively poorly. When I told Phil what it felt like to be in the Moonies, I especially tried to convey what it felt like to be around Moon—the excitement, the honor, the awe. I could have asked him to imagine what it feels like to be a Moonie who believes that Moon is ten times greater than Jesus Christ, to feel the incredible honor of living on earth and meeting the Messiah in person. When Phil stepped into the shoes of a Moonie, his experience as a Krishna devotee was altered forever. Each time the member is able to step out of his shoes and into the shoes of another—whether a member of a different group, or even his parents or his leader—he is weakening his psychological rigidity. Indeed, encouraging a cult member psychologically to take another perspective enables him to test his reality. In this process, the virus of mind control that they have been infected with, is exposed to healing light. The way to undo blind faith is to introduce new perspectives. Key #6: Sidestep the Thought-Stopping Process by Giving Information in an Indirect Way Every person in a cult has been programmed to stop all negative thoughts about the cult’s leader, its doctrine or the organization itself. This thought-stopping process is triggered whenever the person feels that someone is attacking the validity of the group. In this way, thought-stopping acts as a shield to be held up against any perceived enemy. They have also been indoctrinated to believe that their group is superior to all other groups and distinct from all other groups. However, a cult member does not use thought-stopping when there is no perception of danger. Since the person believes that they are not in a cult, but that certain other groups _are_ cults, it is relatively easy to have long, detailed conversations with them about cults without them ever feeling that you are attacking their leader or their group. Therefore, the way to communicate with a cult member is indirectly. If the person is a member of The Way International, they will not feel threatened in the least if you tell them about the Moonies. If you’re talking with a member of the Moonies, they will not feel threatened if you tell them about The Way. In this way it becomes possible to outline mind control processes and techniques in a soft, subtle manner. Meanwhile, you will provide the person’s unconscious—their real self—with some essential frames of reference to begin to analyze what has happened to them. Notice that in Phil’s case I was careful not to attack the Krishnas. If I had done so, he probably would have become defensive and started chanting; if I had kept up my attack, he would have walked away. All the information I gave him was based on the Moonies and other groups. This indirect method of conveying information bypasses the thought-stopping mechanism. Key #7: Help the Person Visualize a Happy Future Outside the Cult Phobia indoctrination—fear of ever leaving the group—is usually accomplished on an unconscious level. The cult identity never thinks of leaving the group. Indeed, they are perpetually happy, enthusiastic and obedient to their superiors. It is the authentic self which has been enslaved. I helped Phil begin to unlock the phobia indoctrination, by asking him to visualize a picture of the future that he would really enjoy—playing music, friends, a wife, kids, being close to his family. Then I asked him to step into the picture and enjoy the experience. By doing this, I was helping Phil open a door out of the Krishnas. This simple visualization technique began to dismantle his phobia indoctrination. It became a bridge to another possible life. In other cases, I often ask cult members, “If you had never met this group, and you were doing exactly what you wanted to be doing, what would that be?” I usually have to repeat the question several times. “Really, just imagine, if you were doing exactly what you wanted to be doing, so that you were totally happy, spiritually and personally fulfilled, and you never knew the group even existed, what would you be doing?” The answers vary. “I’d be a doctor and work in a clinic serving poor people.” “I’d be a tennis pro.” “I’d be sailing around the world.” Once the person verbalizes the fantasy, I try to persuade them to step inside their visualization of a new life, and become emotionally involved in it. I am then able to begin neutralizing their programmed negative fears about doing something outside the cult. Once this positive personal reference point is established, the cult-generated picture of a dark, disaster-filled life outside the group begins to change. When a positive picture is in place, a bridge to other possibilities opens. People outside the group can be seen as warm and loving. Lots of interesting things can be learned outside the group. There are lots of pleasures to be experienced. Religious and spiritual fulfillment can be found. Once the outside world is seen as potentially filled with positive experiences, the cult loses some control over the person’s sense of reality. They are then in a better position to decide whether they want to stay where they are or do something more valuable and fulfilling. Key #8: Offer the Cult Member Concrete Definitions of Mind Control and Specific Characteristics of a Destructive Cult My intervention with Phil shows the importance of giving a cult member specific information about cults. Because I established good rapport with Phil, I was able to get a lot of personal information from him, so that I could better help him. In the process, Phil became curious about me and wanted to know my opinions. At that point, I was able to convey specific information about cults and mind control through my own story of being in the Moonies. I was able to explain what happened during my deprogramming, and show how it enabled me to understand that I had been subjected to mind control and that, in fact, I was in a destructive cult. In my own case, until my counselors taught me what the Chinese Communists of the 1950s were doing, I did not truly understand the process of “brainwashing.” Until my counselors were able to show me how other destructive cults, like the Krishnas,[177] were structured in the same authoritarian manner as the Unification Church, I had believed that the Moonies were different from any other group. I was also able to show Phil that, as strange as they sounded, some of the Moonies’ beliefs did seem to make sense, if you believed in Moon and therefore the whole doctrine. I made sure to include the Moonies’ view on accidental deaths, so he could see that there were alternative belief systems that offered other explanations. It was also important for him to see that there are other groups which are led by people claiming to be spiritually superior. When I eventually told him that there were over 3000 cult groups, and that if one of them was in fact led by the one legitimate great leader (which I seriously doubted), then the odds that he would have found the right one on the first pick were 3000 to one. Not very good odds. I also showed him that I had been a dedicated cult member, and that I chose to leave the group for the “right” reasons. I wanted to challenge his indoctrination that people who leave do so because they are weak or undisciplined, or want to indulge in materialism. I wanted him to know that I left the Unification Church out of strength and integrity. I came to see objectively what I had been doing. I had devoted myself to a fantasy created in the Moonie indoctrination workshops. I thought I was following the Messiah—the person who would be able to end war, poverty, disease and corruption, and establish a Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. I didn’t mind sacrificing myself for these noble causes. I thought that as a member, I was teaching people the ultimate standard of love and truth, and living an exemplary life. Instead, I realized that I had learned to compromise my integrity in the name of God. I realized that the higher I rose in the organization, and the closer I got to Moon, the more obsessed I became. Power had become almost an addiction, and I began making choices based on what would protect and enhance my power, not on what was morally right. I left when I realized that deception and mind control can never be part of any legitimate spiritual movement, and that through their use, the group had created a virtual Hell on Earth, a kingdom of slaves. Once I was able to realize that even though I _wanted to believe_ that Moon was the Messiah and the Divine Principle was Truth, _my belief didn’t make it true_. I saw that, even if I remained in the group for another 50 years, the fantasy I was sacrificing myself for would never come true. By being given clear definitions of mind control, I was able to see clearly how I had been victimized and how I had learned to victimize others. I personally had to come to terms with my own values, beliefs and ideals. Once I did that, even though I had invested so much of myself in the group, become a leader, and developed close bonds with many members, I had to walk away. I could never go back to becoming a “true believer” again. Endnotes for Chapter 10 170. Elan Vital, Inc. is a newer name than Divine Light Mission. See Michael Finch’s Without the Guru: How I took my life back after thirty years, (Babbling Brook Press 2009). http://www.MikeFinch.comhttp://www.ex-premie.org/pages/hinduismtoday83.htmht... 171. Steven J. Gelberg’s, India In A Mind’s Eye: Travels and Ruminations of an Ambivalent Pilgrim, (Spiraleye Press, 2012) and http://surrealist.org/betrayalofthespirit/gelberg.htmlEx-Krishna Nori Muster’s Betrayal Files http://surrealist.org/betrayalofthespirit/betrayalfiles.html And her book, Betrayal of the Spirit: My Life behind the headlines of the Hare Krishna Movement. Urbana: U of Illinois, 1997. Print. 172. Indemnity and Unification,” Master Speaks (Feb 14, 1974), 11-12.Christopher Edwards, Crazy for God (Englewood Cliffs, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, Inc., 1979), 173-174. 173. Douglas Lenz, “Twenty-two Months as a Moonie,” Lutheran Church of America Partners (Feb 1982). 14. 174. Steve Kemperman, Lord of the Second Advent (Ventura, California: Regal Books, 1982), 87. 175. Ibid. 176. Hubbard, PAB No. 124, (15 November 1957), Communication and Isness. 177. John Hubner and Lindsay Gruson, “Dial Om for Murder,” The Rolling Stone (April 9, 1987), 53.