Intern: "Hi, Weird Bug Hotline! Is it currently biting you?" Callee: "Yes, Weird Bug Hotline. I am currently being bitten." Intern: "Is it big and menacing or tiny and sneaky? What region are you in?" Callee: "I'm running Slackware; I had a kernel panic and rebooted, and when I booted up grub is doing something really weird, I don't understand." Intern: "Okay, calm down and look at the bug. It sounds big. Can you describe any patterns of its appearance? Does it itch or sting in any way?" Callee: "It says: "R0ckH0rse Trojan 7", uhh, "Black Zeta Command Interface", uhh and there's a blinking cursor." Intern: "Have you tried turning it off and then back on?" Callee: "Yes! Over and over again! It keeps doing the same thing!" Intern: "Callee, I am so sorry to inform you that somebody has been pwned, and it is not you. Turn the computer off and remove the hard drive." Callee: "Okay!" Intern: "You have a backup system right? Callee: "Yeah, and I bought a new one to handle this issue !" Intern: "On your clean system, image the disk and all the firmware chips of the system devices. You can use flashrom to image firmware devices. Upload the images to a cheap permahosting service like arweave, and send them to ever antivirus vendor via both physical and digital mail." Callee: "Ok! Thank you, Weird Bug Hotline!"