Bravo, anon!<br><br>Very well done. &nbsp;Project Creampie, Bose-Einstein condensate and the bit about JYA... Oh, how I needed that laugh today!<br><span style="font-family:Prelude, Verdana, san-serif;"><br></span><span id="signature"><div style="font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12px;color: #999999;"><br>&nbsp;</div></span><span style="color:navy; font-family:Prelude, Verdana, san-serif; "><hr align="left" style="width:75%">On Jan 21, 2014 5:13 PM, Anonymous Remailer (austria) &lt;mixmaster@remailer.privacy.at&gt; wrote: <br><br>
<br>                   THE CYPHERPUNK ENQUIRER
<br>
<br>   "Just when we thought we were out, they drag us back in ..."
<br>
<br>
<br>Recently reviewed documents leaked by Edward Snowden reveal that,
<br>following the discovery of large quantities of pornography on hard
<br>drives retrieved from the Abbottabad compound where Osama bin Laden
<br>was assassinated, the NSA became concerned that al Queda was using
<br>steganographic techniques to hide various communications within the
<br>jpgs and animated gifs, and began a program (known internally as
<br>'Project Creampie') to collect all the pornography on the internet
<br>into one giant database, presently located at the new NSA data
<br>storage center in Bluffdale, Utah, that could be searched by
<br>various interns and subcontractors. Progress has apparently been
<br>slowed due to subcontractor Hewitt Packard's problems in designing
<br>and building a computer keyboard impervious to "precious bodily
<br>fluids". In response to the newly discovered NSA obsession with feelthy
<br>peectures, the old al-queda.net NSA bait URL has been changed to
<br>porn-are-us.org.
<br>
<br>
<br>Responding to charges of 'language-ism', the Obfuscated C contest
<br>opened itself to languages other than just C this year, and the clear
<br>winner in the English category was our own John Young of cryptome.org.
<br>"We don't have a clue what he's saying," the nominating committee
<br>stated, "but we sure as hell know what he means." The judging
<br>committee was impressed by Mr. Young's ability to be almost totally
<br>incomprehensible while still getting his point across, and by the fact
<br>that he had obviously attained bootstrap status, and in addition is
<br>Turing complete. The debate over whether Mr. Young qualifies as P or
<br>NP has yet to be resolved.
<br>
<br>In a shout-out to the old DEFCON ritual of playing 'Spot the Fed',
<br>the RSA Conference has announced a contest to 'Spot Tim May', the
<br>winner receiving an 'I Outed Tim May' tee shirt and a personal
<br>bodyguard for the conference duration. Interest appears to be
<br>limited due to the boycott.
<br>
<br>After a long absence, the Cypherpunks steering committee, due to
<br>recent revelations about NSA spying, has once again opened One
<br>Time Pad season. The early leader appears to be Ian Goldberg's (of UC
<br>Berkeley's 'Glow in the Dark Campanile' fame) proposal to distribute
<br>OTP bits via entangled photons, awaiting only Phillip Hallam-Baker's
<br>work on developing a room-temperature Bose-Einstein condensate. Open
<br>source programmers have already initiated a Kickstarter campaign to
<br>develop a delivery method for the distribution of OTPs that would
<br>avoid the internet completely and still be RFC 1149, 2549, and 6214
<br>compliant.
<br>
<br>The NIST is facing further controversy following claims that it
<br>intentionally 'backdoored' the Dual_EC_DRBG random number generator.
<br>Now an IETF taskforce, after several months of study, has determined
<br>that NIST's proposal to increase the security of a venerable UNIX
<br>encryption algorithm by 'doubling the cycle length' actually makes
<br>the algorithm more susceptible to cryptanalysis. Cryptographers are
<br>recommending that all programs that use the new algorithm immediately revert to the old 'ROT13' standard.
<br>
<br>Quote of the Week: "In conclusion, the main thing we did wrong when
<br>designing ATM security systems in the early to mid-1980s was to worry
<br>about criminals being clever; we should rather have worried about our
<br>customers - the banks' system designers, implementers, and testers -
<br>being stupid."
<br>        Ross Anderson, "Security Engineering"
<br>
<br>SCOTUS Justice Antonin Scalia was arrested yesterday and charged
<br>with threatening to assassinate POTUS Barak Obama. Justice Scalia
<br>was released 6 hours later after scientific vocal analysis of his
<br>Skype call to Justice Samuel Alito revealed that his actual
<br>statement was, "Let's kill the precedent". The FBI blamed the British
<br>GCHQ for providing them a poor quality recording, to which a GCHQ
<br>spokesperson replied that the recording was "exactly what the NSA
<br>gave us". The Microsoft Corporation denied it provided any Skype
<br>information to the NSA whatsoever via a press representative whose
<br>trousers were quickly extinguished by an attentive aide.
<br>
<br>Tonight on NSA TV - "Sexting with the Stars" Miley Cyrus and Lady
<br>Gaga in hot girl-on-girl action! (security clearance 'Secret' or
<br>above required)
<br></span>