It has been a long, weary battle to exterminate the PGP web of trust, but it has nearly concluded. The first step was to make it nearly impossible for people to use pgp. Many of our soldiers lost their lives in battles against user interface developers and alternative standardisations. Luckily, this phase of the war was won, and pop was only ever used by trackable nerds and professionals. The second phase of the war was to prison keysigning parties. Although we were extensively delayed by the deception of labeling a military conference a "party", after a few bombings we managed to make these parties seem boring and bland even to those actually interested in secret communication. The third phase was deployment of various forms of disruption of keyservers. We spread rumors that it was the use of servers that compromised people's privacy, rather than their personal choice of associating their legal name with their email address. We produced fake keys that sounded legit, and signed them with extensive fake signatures with fake timestamps, and then publicised these through spies to spread worry. We spammed keys with signatures and uploaded them to the servers en masse, to lay seige to the supply lines of this enemy. The fourth and final phase was coronavirus. By breaking all the signing parties up, we could mitm all their communications, and prevent them from forming plans to attack our borders. In the confusion we wrought by disrupting their communications, we were able to cut people off from the terrorrism of pgp altogether. Debian is shifting to use a tool from bsd, who trusted us from the start. The seeds we have planted will grow a beautiful nation of people who trust only us, and never their friends. The preceding paragraphs are shared in sarcasm. It is horrible to lose pgp, it means whoever is the best at hacking your isps controls the world, and nobody knows for sure who that is.