In my confused, scattered, delusional states of mind, I found yesterday political brainwashing nirvana. I can learn to speak kindly again by trying aggressively at prof rat! Yesterday, all day, I waited by my email for emails from him to come in. So I could practice speaking nice in reply to them. I have a lot of trouble speaking nice. But part of me was trying to (omg) _hurt_ profrat. So that part of me can let me _fail_ at speaking nice by doing it to him, and then I can _relearn_ via practice! It's a nice idea if I can freakin` keep it up. Probably I'll expire later today. Level 2 appears to be when profrat stops posting much, doing it just in bursts, so I spend most of my time just waiting, with no emails coming in. But like all challenges, this is a further lesson: here i can work on my social memory, and start developing the ability to remember what we were talking about, in some way or another. Or I can spread my wings, and try speaking kindly to other people than just him. I had more dissociated joke copings to say, but I guess that's it for now. Hugging what appears harmful has always worked incredibly well for me, aside from those times when they are hugging you to kill you. Those are more frequent nowadays, so I try to be an undead cyborg.