I didn't read your previous messages and also Nick's ones yet.  Sincerely ask your pardon for answering without knowing you and your problems.

Please, do not harm yourself.  Already tried the suicide and, well, it won't bring real inner peace, even when you feel pain and despair.  

Sometimes, I do know very well, the pain is bigger, much stronger than us...  and we feel so hurtful and exhausted of all the things and people...  But I swear it is *not* the best choice.