On Mon, Jul 27, 2020, 22:23 Mirimir <mirimir@riseup.net> wrote:
On 07/27/2020 04:24 PM, Cecilia Tanaka wrote:
My dearest love, may you tell me the reasons why you don't you trust surgeons, please?
Because, for the most part, what they know is anatomy and surgery, and so they tend to see surgery as the best option. They're also more full of themselves than other doctors.
The history of spinal surgery, in particular, is replete with all sorts of disastrous operations. See https://duckduckgo.com/?q=malpractice+spinal+surgery&t=ffnt&ia=web for examples.
Oh, the most disastrous operations in the history of spinal surgery... W-O-W, loved it! All I wanted to see before my pretty complex spinal surgery, sweetie! <3 Hahahahaha!!! ;D Mirimir, I do love you. You and my doctor always think I am a very rational creature, able to analyze creepy situations with cold blood, hahahaha!!! Nobody else in this world would believe it, hahahahaha!!! ;D
In this specific moment, your answer will probably be very interesting for
me.
Do you appreciate or, at least, trust doctors in general or not? Some specifically medical area?
I generally don't trust doctors. In the US anyway, they're generally driven too much by greed for money and status. And far too manipulated by the pharmaceutical and device industries. But there are many who are truly caring and competent, of course.
I do care a lot about a neurosurgeon - he used to be one of my best friends before his marriage - and the innocent surgeon who thinks I am a rational person. Sweet boy. My best friend for years and years was an addicted doctor, Mirimir. That's the reason why I learned a bit about chemicals, my love. He committed suicide and my world became stranger than ever for a considerable time. You know I do hate lies and labels, but I was "his sweet high school girlfriend" in public. In real private life, he was gay and had more boyfriends than me and all my friends together. But you know, he was a successful doctor and needed a perfect image: - white, male, hetero... He was buried using an Armani suit and red roses, our favorite flowers. I still love him and miss this fucking bitch a lot.
I trust only a few surgeons. And I would give my life for only one of them
because he saved me a few months ago. Not in a surgery, he explained me very important subjects about my body, trusting in my capacity of processing informations rationally... wow... The human body and its anatomy are fascinating, an astonishing beauty even when is damaged, hurt like mine...
OK, so _he_ sounds like a _good_ surgeon :)
Hahahaha!!! _He_ is a fucking _amazing_ surgeon!!! I made some specific researches about him. :D Don't feel jealous, my love. I think _he_ has the _same_ preferences than me in several areas. Well, never asked about it. Sorry, he is the guy who will put his hands in my spine, not necessarily in my back. ;) (There will be a scar, but he will try to preserve my tattoo.)
He is a spinal surgeon, darling. And I didn't tell my parents I can die or become paraplegic after the last surgery. I just want to be a butterfly again and get my freedom back. I was an hyperactive child and was banned of schools because of it. I love to walk for hours while thinking about a new idea or a problem. Can you mesure the deep intensity of my fear of losing my movements? :(( I was shocked. At same time, he gave me an answer and new perspectives. I wanted it more than everything at that point. Certainly, it was not a good answer, but I had finally a rational justification for the strong pains able to make me fainting, able to make my lovely always low blood pressure becoming crazily high in some moments... My body was/is so fucking healthy that most of doctors simply said it was stress, maybe psychological pain... Sorry, my body and I never were needy enough for pretending to be sick for getting attention. And, well, I do love my body. It survived to real sick shit and is keeping me alive very, very well. Amazing healing capacity, wow... Something was wrong and now I know what is and it makes me pretty happy. I can't fix it by myself, but life is funnier than ever because I know I won't die: I will run on beaches again, watching the sea and the sun rising, darling. (I just need to win a judicial battle first... 'Meh' things, you know. I am wasting my precious time with bureaucracy, aff...) And yes, we are very complicated machines. But fortunately, we're also
amazingly good at self-repairing. Although it can take a _long_ time :(
Sorry, learned to analyze spinal exams in the last months and, well, I love my body's efficiency but it cannot to repair this kind of damage alone and I am not able to operate my own back, even using mirrors or whatever... I do hate to feel pain, you know. I sincerely prefer to ask for professional help this time, Mirimir! :(( Be well <3
I will be well, sweetheart. Please, take care and be well too. I love you. <3