So I went back through the mail lists just a little and saw the friendly reply to my spam about locks.  I want to use crypto more, but I'm not sure how, and atm I'm away from most of my stuff.

It's still fun to write about.  Maybe something else will come out.

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A giant lock approaches an encrypted borg.

"Great lock, the government holds my private key, but me, I control the government, and this gives me more privacy than you will ever have."

 The approaching lock shook its bolt as it approached.

A government worker unlocked the lock with a large piece of paper labeled "fake warrant" .  The lock and the borg are both surprised.

"How did you you get unlocked, lock?"

 "How did you unlock me, worker?"

 The worker ignored the marketing ais copying his government thoughts into public messaging, and asked the question of the borg straight:

"Borg, ignore this giant lock.  Tell me how you control the government."

 The borg encrypted itself to hide, using the government's private key.

The worker approached the body's encryption with the same piece of paper labeled "fake warrant".

The borg saw the fake warrant coming and habitually decrypted itself!

"I have you now," said the worker to the borg.  "You cannot resist my falsified authorisation.  Tell me, how do you control the government?"

 The borg noticed it was decrypted and quickly recrypted itself.

The worker thrust their piece of paper at the borg.

The borg saw the piece of paper, and decrypted itself, then responded to the decryption by encrypting itself again.  The borg entered a busy loop.

The giant lock approached, prepared to trap them all.

The worker tried to synchronise with the cycles of the borg and paper.

"Tell" .  Encrypt.  Decrypt.  "Me".  Encrypt.  Decrypt.  "How".  Encrypt.  Decrypt.

The giant lock popped open again.  An irritated housewife with a livestream hammered at the government worker.  "I do not give consent for you to enter my home!  My door is locked and not open for public view!  Show me your warrant!"

 The worker, irritated, handed the piece of paper labeled "fake warrant" to the housewife.

"I'm going to have to confiscate that slipstream of yours."

 "Like fun you are!"

 The housewife looked at the warrant to see what judge had signed it.

The giant lock with a housewife poking out of it was still approaching the borg.

The borg decrypted itself.

"I control the government because they use me to do everything!" celebrated the borg.

The borg posted a picture to Facebook of a facebook