hihi, I am so incredibly thankful for the swathe of recent successes in my life, that seem to be growing faster and faster. Today, I am relating back that it is too much at once right now. I have hard-to-describe internal experiences that relate to my ability to protect remaining small parts of my behaviors, memories, cognition, consciousness, and personal identity, that become very threatened and can get further damaged, when I resist my influences too much. I need some time with my influence believing I am fully complying. It expects me to: - be completely unproductive - do nothing to empower myself, such as making money or reusable tools - be slightly disempowering of myself, draining my resources in small ways - be disreputing myself to others, appearing unpleasant - be indulgent and controllable - acting "moronic" and minimally strengthening my mind - [other things] I need to be aware these things are happening, to stop harming myself internally, right now. I need some time doing only things that could be these things. JUST AT MOST A FEW DAYS. this can easily snowball. I personally enjoy doing productive things, so it is generally easy to find little things that counter the first point that parts of me are really interested in. I have some things that slightly counter the points above I am working on. Things that are more familiar to me are much easier. The situation relates internally to different states of mind and internal processes I have; sometimes complex projects are completely safe; other times I can barely do anything at all. It depends on what information the dissociated parts of my mind are exposed to, and what beliefs they develop. I have a lot of sensory gaps, unfortnutely, so there are many options, but the influence has not really been using them much. Thank you for so much aid.