i was very happy to make it to healing together this year.

the conference showed to me that i can recover.

however, i have not done this yet.

i think i need to be separated from people who are online and online texhnologu, such that you cannot influence or observe me

but i need this with people who can help me recover and you put them all online >(

sorry for 1 too many needs. oops. should stop at 4th paragraph ie line :)

i need to not be influenced by you so i can regrow my nervous system's intended structure

i need to redevelop internal agency to believe i am alive.

this is something that is possible and normal, and many of the people who have done this have come out of situations that were highly secretive and highly funded from elite branches of both governments and criminal organizations -- it is normal to recover from this and have internal agency. it is very hard.