On Sat, May 2, 2020, 11:08 Karl <gmkarl@gmail.com> wrote:
I have lost my mind and _cannot_reliably_feed_myself_ because my body does not behave how I tell it to. I am pretty experienced at waiting through hunger and gorging.
Hi, Karl. Nice to meet you. I think you already know my name is Cecilia Tanaka and I hope this message can help you a little bit. When someone very cruel mentions my death, my temperamental health, or my physical fragility, saying I will die soon, I simply (try to) ignore. It happened last week again, when I was trying to help a person who wrote to the hackerspace begging for attention. It was unexpected and painful, but I do not care about dying. I only care about my loved ones. So I live pretty far from my family to keep them safe. When I am in a chaotical moment, when my body just wants to die, I use several alarms to keep me alive. Alarms for meals, for drinking water, for taking medicines, for taking showers, for sleeping, and also for waking up. You are the master of your body, so please keep it working in a satisfactory way. Remember: - You need hydration, food, and sleep to keep alive and sane. Please, try to keep your sanity. You will need it to destroy companies and governments in the future. I love World of Warcraft, thank you a lot for your anonymous efforts. You love games. I think I have no many good things in this moment. Hmm, I think I still have some cyberpunk games, like Orwell, but now it would not be healthy for you. It made me feel afraid of the future the same way like "COVID-1984". A pandemia was the perfect excuse to all the governments spy our activities and I do hate this horribly crazy dystopia. Do you like books, comics, movies, series, jokes, music, something I can (try to) get for you? Sorry, I don't know anything about you, but I want to help you to calm yourself. Already had very stressful moments and surviving to them alone is always hard. Search for comfortable things. Comfy food, those easy foods to take like soups, yoghurt, sandwiches, etc; comfy drinks like no-caffeine tea, hot chocolate, pure water, fresh juices; and try to relax your mind reading, listening music, doing something that you really appreciate. Writing, drawing, painting, coding, having sex and/or masturbation... Don't forget to sleep, please. It's very important. When I don't sleep, after three days, my writing and my memory become so confused, living is so strange... The sensation is scarier than you can imagine. Feel free to contact me in private and keep breathing, Karl. Just remember I am not online in all moments. Tender kisses and straight hugs! Be well and take care, please! <3 Ceci