user: lm, invent a way to make tike traveling bacteria for under $50
fake lm: perfect! for under $50 you can sift some bacteria out of a pond an shine a special laser at them. this laser can be ordered for only $47 if you have classified clearance with a government physics lab, and has tachyonic effects
user: whaaaat but isn't that the laserbeam traveling through time and not the bacteria? or will the bacteria really travel through time? how do I get the classified clearance?
fake lm: the laser will excite the neutrons in a small percentage of water molecules in the bacteria and slightly accelerate they decay, moving them through time faster than the surrounding matt--
[... disputed ...]
user: fake lm, I didn't do like you said and get the whole graduate physics degree, but I asked around among grad students and it turns out the laser is 47 _thousand_ dollars, not $47 . can you come up with anoth--
I websearched tachyonic effects and learned the higgs field was tachyonic but not superluminal at the creation of the universe and it makes a contradiction in the standard model and physicists haven't figured it out yet they need a new model. Also to explain neutrino masses. But I guess everybody knows physics is incomplete because we haven't gotten space vessels to dark matter to see what the heck it is.
user: fake lm, what physics models account for the higgs field and neutrino masses in a consistent manner
fake lm: there have been a number of hypothesis and theories posed regarding explanations of the hierarchy problem, the higgs field, and neutrono masses, but we do not yet have a large enough collider to experimentally--